- All
Comments (3) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
To me...
it feels solid, but unevocative.
I like the spare style, but think it could hold a bit more than just the shrug of the shoulders transfered from writer to reader.
Pretty good
The dual meaning of "for good" is reasonably clever.
Fly
~
'i told her you can't have it both ways
she went the other way'
the combination of these two lines 'sounds' not quite right. i think it is the mismatch of the beats per line (what is that ... the metre?) the other lines in the poem seem almost equal to each other, but this stanza is 'too different'. this may be exactly what you intended as it seems to give emphasis. i like the unity.
the repetition is growing on me.
i know what feels missing to me though. there's no concrete images for my mind to conjure up. again, you possibly intended that.
thank you for making me think.
wso
*not using the thermometre
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to late blues or
More submissions by Senna Jawa.