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English
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Simple and attractive. It can be difficult to make an impact with so few words. I think some twisted version would have thrilled me more, though.
Something like:
snail looms,
shadowed thrush-
dinner
Then you're left wondering which one did the eating. lol But trust me, stick with yours. ;)
Crystal clear...
...but I agree with Eve - not the desired impact. The vision is a bit too perfect to hold the moment of thrill and understanding you are trying to achieve in the reader in this haiku phase you are going through.
No comparison to your most early ones though. Far more advanced now.
perfectly said
the original poems of japan and zen are based soely on facts without human emotion or thoughts added. This poem fits that style of writing perfectly, allowing the reader to fill in the blanks or accept what is, reality.
i wish
i could write haiku. I cannot. I am glad you can. Pooor thrush, have you no tasty crickets down there? :D
~~
I don't know -
If I must choose then
I guess with snail on the menu
It's time to start on a diet.
concise
life cycles
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