All Comments on 'Ingrained Stains'

Very good ~

With that last line

Made me go and read it over...

Everything you do shows signs of progress. Flow and line/strophe breaks, subtlety of language, strength at end and beginning -- all those things are getting better, a step at a time.

I question many word choices here, not necessarily as ineffective, but just as not sharp or the best possibilities. The metaphor goes from smoke to color to geology and back and feels mangled in spots. Here, for instance:

for perfume no longer smothers

the grain stains of her smoke,

nor does it colour

the black and white regions

in the cliff-edged reasoning

of her mind.

Very tangled phrasing to me -- somewhat clumsy, and certainly not pure.

The critique now is on another level with you, because of the advancements you've made. Effort pays off, no?

This poem has texture and character. Great use of the senses. I enjoyed it much, but also question word choice - mainly 'dexterity' in the first stanza. I feel it doesn't match up with the other words you've chosen, making it a bit heavy. Of course, this a minimalist-free form poet talking ;)

ENDING. Read it 3 times to digest and loved it more each time.

I enjoyed your poem wild~ Your masterfully written poem is very intriguing. (~_*)

vey well constructed, love the story. Only thing I maybe question is the way the lines are spaced, I dont know how I would change it though. Very good work, WSO :)