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English
Too little
This story might have developed into something, given the chance.
First, it was too short. There was no development, either of characters or of the situation. Just boom, here we go. In addition, there were rather jarring shifts between present and past tense.
Second, the sex was rote. Not bad, but nothing special.
Finally, why was this listed as "interracial love?" Only the narrator's self-described "chocolate-colored skin" implied anything vaguely racial. If there was any hint that the other party was white, or Asian, I missed it.
Qu33ny, you show some real promise. I'd recommend an editor, or at least someone to discuss your ideas with you, so you can perhaps flesh them out a bit.
Wrong Context
I hate stories written in this context. I would already know what I did. I don't need you to tell me or refresh my memory. Tell the story from a bystander perspective and take some time to make it more interesting. It was way to short.
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