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English
Your pronouns are slipping
It's a habit -- elementary school teaching thing -- a few times so far -- in both chapters your pronouns switched from third person to first. Keep an eye on that. It can lead to confusion for your reader.
Other than that, it's still a great story and I look forward to the next chapter. Your characters come across as real and genuine. It's progressing as it should.
absolutely loved it
I love this story, pronoun slippage and all.
Keep up the good work and update often.
Can't wait for the next chapter
I can't wait for the next chapter of this story. Waiting impatiently!!
The heartbreak of youth
You do a great job of describing those days of youthful love and longing. You make it seem as if this is happening in the here and now.
very good story
looking forward to the next chapter.
Thank you
please finish
please finish the story i like it
oh awesome
just please don't take too long to write the next ones!
Fantastic!
I love this. You make us want to cry with her and you write his discomfort and confusion so well. I can almost see these two people as they struggle with each other. I look forward to the rest of this tale. Please don't make us wait too long.
Hurry!
Don't wait! Don't take too long! I really want to read the rest of it!
Weight, wait, don't tell me...
I hate the fact that she stopped eating and lost 15 pounds and went shopping and put on makeup, and now looks great! Like she has to change for him to like here. Otherwise, good story.
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