What a great idea for a story. The set up was ok, but the finish was dreadful. Way to hurried. was she a virgin? as u didn't develope that...the best luver she ever had, and he was a 2 minute wonder, and came in his pants from being stroked after a cpl minutes? Would luv to see this re-written with a lot more thought and time taken. It deffently was a Great Idea.
by
Anonymous03/04/06
What happened?
You have a great plot and story line - but you lost it halfway through. No feelings, detail, suspense or point. Not even a good WHAM - BAM - THANK_YOU. Did you have a hot date to get to so you could not take the time to finish the story?
English
Maybe it's just me
But I was totally confused and had to quit reading
Great Idea but.....
What a great idea for a story. The set up was ok, but the finish was dreadful. Way to hurried. was she a virgin? as u didn't develope that...the best luver she ever had, and he was a 2 minute wonder, and came in his pants from being stroked after a cpl minutes? Would luv to see this re-written with a lot more thought and time taken. It deffently was a Great Idea.
What happened?
You have a great plot and story line - but you lost it halfway through. No feelings, detail, suspense or point. Not even a good WHAM - BAM - THANK_YOU. Did you have a hot date to get to so you could not take the time to finish the story?
not good
This story was well written until halfway through, and then you just seemed to give up.
Also, it's through not thru
Thank you
Thank you all for your comments. Maybe if you could email me, though, with where you think I went wrong it might help me for next time. Thanks!
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