Don't become discouraged because of a few jerks out there. Some people would bitch if they were hung with a new rope. I think the storyline is good. Keep it going. Who knows maybe the whole family can get involved.
by
Anonymous03/13/06
perfect
keep going maybe the sister has regular panties on and the brother can help her out when he heals up
by
Anonymous03/13/06
I liked it...please continue and
ignore the critics that just gripe without offering any constructive critism. For a first attempt, it is really good. You could of drawn it out a little more, and built the relationship between them, and smoothed out the sex scene, made it more natural instead of kind of choppy. He should of warned her that he was about to come, but I liked her getting at least the first shot in the mouth. As far as the "same old, same old" with the plot, there's really nothing new under the sun, only so many ways you can do it, even for the most imaginative. It's your writing style and the amount of time and/or effort you put into the story that makes it or breaks it. If this is something you want to do, keep trying and don't give up. It takes guts to put yourself out there like that. I for one, will be looking for part two.
by
Anonymous03/13/06
...
I agree with that last comment - don't give up sweetie. I think you were a little excited about posting your first story, so you kind of rushed it. Don't be afraid to write about your most secret desires and fantasies. It sounds like you started with good intentions, but didn't quite say exactly what you intended.
Keep up the good work I really enjoyed the start of this.. As far as people putting you down fer your spelling guess they don't realize when your writing a story of sex you also get turned on. Hell this is not a thing of school fuck the spelling get it close thats good enough..
by
Anonymous03/13/06
Nice story
Nice story but you shouldn't quit story I thought you made more story than that. So please keep on story till end of it. thanks. cfh
Good start. I'd give you a 100 if your grammar and spelling were better. Your story, however, is off to a great start. Keep writing, and I'll keep enjoying your stories.
This is a great example of unplanned intimacy between a brother and a sister. It is the kind of thing that could definitely lead to more. What will it lead to, Jessica?
Nookiehunter
by
Anonymous03/13/06
Really good start
Very good start to an on going story. I await chapter 2
An awesome story just waiting to be told!!! And you can do it too!!! So go for it Hon!!! And don't look back. You are good. Just write what you feel and think, it'll work!!!
I would have liked it even more if it had been a little longer, and built the sexual tension a little more, but a good start; it got my and others' attention, in a good way, and that's what matters, after all. I agree with one of the other commentators, you probably got excited and posted it too quickly, but getting a story onto the site isn't a race, and nobody takes points off you if you take your time and craft your story around what you actually wanted to say; quite the reverse, in fact. A good first effort with loads of potential, I gave you 4 stars as there are a couple of areas needing a little improvement, but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what they are! Looking forward to more from you, there is definitely more story to tell here, so ignore the rude jerks and take your time! 4****
by
Anonymous08/19/13
Hand job / blowjob.
When did she start sucking his cock? Started off stroking it, then he's blasting shots of cum in the back of her throat.
by
Anonymous09/13/13
rushed and short
way to rushed it needs to be spread out over a longer period of time and needs a second chapter to PROPERLY FINISH IT OFF. readers don't like half stories it wastes their time either post complete stories or nothing, chapters are fine if they come quickly as is it sucks and should be deleted.
honey I thought you did a good job with your story. when you enjoy a writers work you put yourself in the story you live the story thought the writers words so if a word is misspelled it doesn't matter because you were there. anyone who does not see that can not enjoy any story
Enjoyed the story mostly so far, it's a common theme that I've seenused a number of timesbut thats alright. You need to get in the habit of rereading and editing your work before you upload it though,and it's very important (until you get used to writing a lot) that you read it back to yourself *out loud* so that you csn fix the things that don't sound natural. I see a lot of writers here writing in a fashion that people just don't talk like. A lot of authors don't write with contractions but virtually everybody talks using them or it sounds odd. Mostly you just had odd phrasing or missed words, otherwise it was pretty decent. Looking forward to the next chapter!
by
Anonymous08/14/15
Great story
I want to read more.
by
Anonymous06/08/16
What the fuck is that??! I want a real story that shit is so unreal lmao.
Not worth reading
by
Anonymous07/09/16
Oh dear
My mother told me that if a boy mentioned blue balls to smile sweetly and knee him in the chuckies and say "there is some black to go with them then "
by
Anonymous09/29/16
The grammar in the last few paragraphs is awful. Makes it insanely hard to read and therefore not worth it.
English
Give the author a break
Fuck the assholes who just put you down with no constructive criticism.
I thought you could have spun it out and developed the characters more but it got me hard and that's what I want from my erotica.
Don't become discouraged.
Don't become discouraged because of a few jerks out there. Some people would bitch if they were hung with a new rope. I think the storyline is good. Keep it going. Who knows maybe the whole family can get involved.
perfect
keep going maybe the sister has regular panties on and the brother can help her out when he heals up
I liked it...please continue and
ignore the critics that just gripe without offering any constructive critism. For a first attempt, it is really good. You could of drawn it out a little more, and built the relationship between them, and smoothed out the sex scene, made it more natural instead of kind of choppy. He should of warned her that he was about to come, but I liked her getting at least the first shot in the mouth. As far as the "same old, same old" with the plot, there's really nothing new under the sun, only so many ways you can do it, even for the most imaginative. It's your writing style and the amount of time and/or effort you put into the story that makes it or breaks it. If this is something you want to do, keep trying and don't give up. It takes guts to put yourself out there like that. I for one, will be looking for part two.
...
I agree with that last comment - don't give up sweetie. I think you were a little excited about posting your first story, so you kind of rushed it. Don't be afraid to write about your most secret desires and fantasies. It sounds like you started with good intentions, but didn't quite say exactly what you intended.
wow
damn hot story and well written. Lets see more!
Awesome Start
Keep up the good work I really enjoyed the start of this.. As far as people putting you down fer your spelling guess they don't realize when your writing a story of sex you also get turned on. Hell this is not a thing of school fuck the spelling get it close thats good enough..
Nice story
Nice story but you shouldn't quit story I thought you made more story than that. So please keep on story till end of it. thanks. cfh
Good Start...
Good start. I'd give you a 100 if your grammar and spelling were better. Your story, however, is off to a great start. Keep writing, and I'll keep enjoying your stories.
Unplanned Intimacy
This is a great example of unplanned intimacy between a brother and a sister. It is the kind of thing that could definitely lead to more. What will it lead to, Jessica?
Nookiehunter
Really good start
Very good start to an on going story. I await chapter 2
Damned Great start
An awesome story just waiting to be told!!! And you can do it too!!! So go for it Hon!!! And don't look back. You are good. Just write what you feel and think, it'll work!!!
more
more
hot first story would love to read more!
love ur story
loved ur story wish u where my sister
A great shame Jessica never continued this story; it had wonderful promise.
Great potential, keep going!
I would have liked it even more if it had been a little longer, and built the sexual tension a little more, but a good start; it got my and others' attention, in a good way, and that's what matters, after all. I agree with one of the other commentators, you probably got excited and posted it too quickly, but getting a story onto the site isn't a race, and nobody takes points off you if you take your time and craft your story around what you actually wanted to say; quite the reverse, in fact. A good first effort with loads of potential, I gave you 4 stars as there are a couple of areas needing a little improvement, but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what they are! Looking forward to more from you, there is definitely more story to tell here, so ignore the rude jerks and take your time! 4****
Hand job / blowjob.
When did she start sucking his cock? Started off stroking it, then he's blasting shots of cum in the back of her throat.
rushed and short
way to rushed it needs to be spread out over a longer period of time and needs a second chapter to PROPERLY FINISH IT OFF. readers don't like half stories it wastes their time either post complete stories or nothing, chapters are fine if they come quickly as is it sucks and should be deleted.
Learn how to spell
It's massaging not messaging.
nice story
honey I thought you did a good job with your story. when you enjoy a writers work you put yourself in the story you live the story thought the writers words so if a word is misspelled it doesn't matter because you were there. anyone who does not see that can not enjoy any story
Enjoyed the story mostly so far, it's a common theme that I've seenused a number of timesbut thats alright. You need to get in the habit of rereading and editing your work before you upload it though,and it's very important (until you get used to writing a lot) that you read it back to yourself *out loud* so that you csn fix the things that don't sound natural. I see a lot of writers here writing in a fashion that people just don't talk like. A lot of authors don't write with contractions but virtually everybody talks using them or it sounds odd. Mostly you just had odd phrasing or missed words, otherwise it was pretty decent. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Great story
I want to read more.
What the fuck is that??! I want a real story that shit is so unreal lmao.
Not worth reading
Oh dear
My mother told me that if a boy mentioned blue balls to smile sweetly and knee him in the chuckies and say "there is some black to go with them then "
The grammar in the last few paragraphs is awful. Makes it insanely hard to read and therefore not worth it.
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