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English
Clarification?
Hi, I doubt this will work, but someone left me an annonymous feedback. I was hoping to get a little clarification if possible. I'm not a meanie and prefer people tell me how I can improve my writing, so if you email me, I PROMISE I will not be angry or upset.
Thanks for the comment. Please keep them coming.
Don't give up
I like your story in terms of what happens, and how the characters interact (sort of), but I really don't like the style, the use of the second person. It always seems absurd to me to say "You did [said, etc.]..." Why would you have to tell somebody what they did or said? If you don't want to bring in a third party (such as the reader whom you are informing), you can simply write it as a sort of memoire, where the "I" character expounds his/her thoughts and feelings based on the events which are revealed in the narrative. Keep up the good work. I don't want to sound like a moaning minny - I am truly grateful for the efforts that you people make to provide less talented punters like me with pleasurable entertainment. Thank you. Freddy, Brit in Brazil
Good read
I disagree with the other commenter. Your story was just fine in the second person and was well-written. The ending didn't seem to fit but other than that, it was good. I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
good story
I realy enjoyed this story and thought I'd drop you a line of encouragement. I found the style was fine, no need to change it if thats how you prefer to write. There was only one bit that jarred...'grotto' ???? 'vagina' or even just 'sex' would work much better I think and not sound so out of place... I really liked the ending and the fact that it was left up to the reader (me) to imagine what happened between that first night and the time when the story finishes. I realise that this story has been posted for a long time but I really hope you get to read my comment and that you havent given up writing...
sleep_less99@yahoo.co.uk 59 Male
Creative triumph in second person
Highly sensual, appropriately romantic and masterful use of the second person. My only issue was that some of your word choice threw me, but none is such a way that it detracting from the experience.
what ive wanted
i wanna know how to get my best friend to try being with me but im not sure how to break the ice, any suggestions?
contact me at j.renee2013@gmail.com
Hey!
Awesome I loved it. I read a lot before a two weeks ago Fiction books. Lately I read any lesbian story that has a title that intrigues me. I came for the title but stayed because I enjoyed the story. My imagination is now racing, I shall have awesome dreams tonight. ;)
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