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English
What?
You gave him the balls to leave but he left the children, his main reason for waking up from his nightmare! No way would he have left them with that sad excuse of a wife especially with the way she was heading. As twisted as this story was becoming with the original author, the children would have been next to be included in the depravity.
Thanks For The Humanity at Last
Yes it was an oversight regarding the children but as a new writer it was particularly pleasing that you righted the evil wrong conspired and delivered by dwitle sick tomie.
Hang in there and correct a few more with your talent. Pathetic self humiliated pitiful men are as dispicable as the writers who ride them.
Thanks Again New Author - you are appreciated with high Regard
Not quite enough
If he was going to grow balls, he would have slapped her on her ass and tied her up. When the guys showed up, he would have been waiting with a bat and beat them senseless and thrown their beaten bodies in a ditch. She would have witnessed the beatings. Then she would have a choice, behave bitch...........or die. My way, or the highway.
Truly a much more realistic ending than the
original story. Thank you for the effort you took in writing this story.
truely fuck up from the start
the one in control is having fun.who want to give it up.abuse and betrayal in a marriage want work.respect and trust is the cornerstone of the marriage foundation,in this marriage all was gone.selfish and vain people get caught up in this kind of shit and that what it is,shit.when you let others in your bedroom ,things change .control is a monster.
Hell Of A Lot
better ending than the original. I really don't think this was the end of little Tom's story. Some authors never give the reader the complimetry words , "The End" at the conclusion of a story. Little Tom obviously did not either.
This tale is not a completed tale in one respect. In that he allowed his wife to retain custody of those children was utter nonsense. They should have been taken out of that environment immediately or the same fate would have possibly befallen the older girl. Child advocacy agencies would have assured his custody of the children if he wanted them, or at least their grandparents. Of course there is always the possibility that Charlie, Will, and his sick fucking friends could have possibly dis-engaged themselves from her after the husband was no longer there to humiliate, degrade, and torment. It would no longer give them the fun they so desperately seeked in making him a wimpy sex slave to the perverted sickos that were "Charlie's Friends".
I suggest one more chapter to inform the reader "what happened" . Perhaps revenge on his former friend, or Perhaps an epilogue.
An idea! Perhaps an invitation to an inmate of a halfway house, just released from prison, that was bi-sexual and had a history of sex with fellow prison inmates. He could have been brought to the home under the guise of being invited by Charlie to enjoy her charms on a night that Charlie and his sickos had a previous engagement. The only requirement was that the guy be HIV+. Fixing up Charlie, Will, and a host of his perverted fucked up friends with a little token of his esteem..
Thanks for finishing the tale.
Good job.
NOT THE END
DON'T LET THIS BE THE END TO IT. TRY TO KEEP IT GOING WITH TELLING US WHAT SHE DOES WHEN SHE FINDS THE NOTE AND HOW THE DIVORCE COMES OUT AND HOW THE KIDS HANDLE IT. GREAT WRITING SO FAR, KEEP IT UP.
Bullshit
This needle dick motherfucker is the biggest wimp I have ever read about. I hope he suffers long and hard. He is such a cry baby that he deserves no sympathy. He is not a man. He is just a queer with no guts. This piece of shit must be French since he has no balls. And the writer must be British since only British writers post such piss-poor trash.
Neve rshould have elft his kids there. For God
sakes the bitch is out of control and he leaves the kids WAKE UP!!! He should have knocked her on her ass when she slapped him. maybe blacken her eye, she is the kind of woman that would look good with a black eye. Then he should have got his gun and when the men can got them to suck each other off while he took photos of them. The wife too being fucked in all her holes. Then he should have picked up the kids and went awya. File for devorice and threated to show all the photos to everyone she knows in laws parents work everyone. She deserves the most evil thing he can come up with. Oh and if the men didn't do what he wanted he should shoot their cocks off and stuff them in their mouths befor calling 911. But tell them to have a good day mate!
Fatal traffic accident
A good traffic accident is needed here to rid the world of a slut and her gutless wonder so the kids could be raised by their Grandparents.
SAD ! ! ! !
Your protrayed the man to be a WHIMP DELUX. First, he should never have started it an he paid for it. Next, he let his wife handcuff him when he knew what was going to happen between is ex friend and his wife. I do not believe in hitting women, but if she hits me first, I am going to retalitate. He should not have left or even said anything. He should have calmly set the table and did what she told him. When their guest arrived, he should have pulled a 2 guns and killed everyong and then planted both guns in the dead persons hands, got rid of his cloths and took a shower. Once he finished his shower, he should have called the police and told them that there had been a mass murder at his address. Naturally, no gun residue since he had been taking a shower and since he was in the shower he did not hear the guns being fired. Then he should have called the inlaws and told them to keep the kids until he called them.
She destroyed him the previous night, so why not destroy her forever. It would be a just reward for her and everyone.
I agree
I agree this should not be the end. PLEASE continue this and give closure with the family Tom the wife and the kids. This shit has to stop the wife has to be shown what she has become. Come on give it another longer closing that really closes the story, for good or bad this is not the end NOT YET ANYWAY.
Keep in mind
This author didn't create the husband's character. He's only tring to redeem him a bit. Yes he's still a wimp and should have never left his children with her, But how can he have him suddenly acting like a real man and have it match the person decribed in the first story. I think he did a good job with what he had to work with. I gave him a 75% because I still don't like the husband, And I always rate a story on how much I enjoyed it. That said I do feel guilty because I really don't see how he could have done more with the story and have it be beliveable.
As good a job as possible, given the material
I have to say the writer did as good a job as possible given what they had to work with. I mean that since the original author is one of those people that write what I call wienie boy stories, there wasn't much manhood to work with on this one. Look at it like this, a pathetic, spineless, wimp, suddenly grows a pair? I don't think so. How he managed to dig up a shred of manhood in this story is stretching credulity. If the writer really wants to delve into fantasy, they can have a suddenly, testosterone filled hubby return that night with a baseball bat, and clean the whole fucking house of rodents, and lice,(including the cunt). Now that could be considered fantasy!LOL! Oh well..... we can always dream.
Tim C.
Littletom (meaning that he has a little prick)
is just a control freak which I hate. His characters are like it is. ( I call him it because I don't call any control freaks, a man) It thinks it is a real bad motherfucker. Just let me get my hands on it and I'll show him what a real man is like. I am sorry that when the wife slapped the husband that he didn't haul off and knock her on her ass just to show her that he's changed. I do however think he took the easy way out and ran like the scared little boy he is. It would have been real nice if he had waited till Charlie and will had gotten there and then shot the fuck out of them. he could have killed the slut also and blamed it on the control freaks. Well at least he didn't take it but you still made a coward out of him. A coward with balls but still a coward.marriedwithballs@yahoo.com
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