It jumps a bit (from the sister approaching the altar to the ex-fiance's departing the country) but what's seen in normal speed is very descriptive. Thanks!
by
Anonymous04/13/06
Good job
I thought you could have developed the background a little more, but once you got the bro and sis together, the story worked beautifully. And I disagree that the fiance leaving was jerkily written -- when someone gets cold feet, it IS an abrupt action.
English
Hot & Horny
Well half the brothers and sisters in the world at some stage are living like that so why not.
Good
Unoriginal but well-written.
A little disjointed, but great potential
It jumps a bit (from the sister approaching the altar to the ex-fiance's departing the country) but what's seen in normal speed is very descriptive. Thanks!
Good job
I thought you could have developed the background a little more, but once you got the bro and sis together, the story worked beautifully. And I disagree that the fiance leaving was jerkily written -- when someone gets cold feet, it IS an abrupt action.
Short but sweet!
I loved your story! Just wish there had been more chapters, but you told the whole tale. Thanks for your work.
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