- All
Comments (11) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Loved it.
Great first story. You should continue writing this type of story. I enjoyed reading it & I hope to see more of your stories on this site.
Excellent work
Great job
Good first attempt!
Purely as a piece of erotic literature, meant to stimulate the audience to masturbation, this story did its job admirably. It lacked real character development or setting of the story itself, but showed promise. Things happened way too quickly, IMHO- a little more intrigue and drama would've gone a long way to making this a better tale. For the nonce, no, I don't think that this story should continue. It was pretty well self-contained. But writing more like it, with a lot more embellishment, would be to your credit.
pauses
Perhaps you can work on your pauses and lead up into the steamy moments of the story. It was a great first peice.. but I've found the most successful writers know how to build up to the critical points.
Keep Going
Just keep writing is all I've got to say. You are on the right track and are bound to get better and better with more experience. Just don't waste that great dirty mind of yours.
good beginning
certainly written with style and enthusiasm. I thought there wasn't enough build up, not enough anticipation. all in all, a good first effort
Hint
if you want to write erotic stories, start out without mentioning words and phrases like "sex," "hard-on," "big cock," "bigger cock," "biggest cock on the planet."
start off with some innocent situation, time, or place and go on to build a certain naive, innocent, and forbidden atmosphere....
.... as opposed to: "Jill wants to have sex, and have sex with her big, tall, big dicked daddy and have it every hour of the day, and night,,, and only takes a few minutes of break between glorious, sexy, awesome fuck sessions! They tape everything and distribute to the local Boys and Grils Club association and everyone thinks Jill and her father are just the most awesome citizines in the neighborhood," etc., etc. ad nauseam...
Promising beginning
Your work shows a real talent. Keep writing.
Great
Continue please...
Just what I've wanted to do
I've been testing my dad Rick for years now, hoping to make him lose control and take me. I'm 26 now, still trying. I'm stacy18_bi at Hotmail if you want to compare notes... great story btw. It got me off
Not illegal?
Third paragraph, " she knew it wasn't illegal for her daddy to fuck her".I don't know what planet you live on but incest is ILLEGAL in all 50 states and most countries in the world. That's the first problem. Second, daddy just walks in the door, she puts his hand on her tit and BOOM, they're fucking. No story development , no lead up. A good story has at least a little possibility of reality and this one certainly has that. But it's highly unlikely that even in reality incest fucking starts out this way and so quickly. I gave you 3 stars simply because of first time effort. Keep trying but get some facts straight first, like the incest being legal thing.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Daughter's Dream; Daddy's Fantasy? or
More submissions by northbaybear.