You really need to have someone fix your quotation marks. The errors are so glaring it makes the story harder to read. Other than that, the content isn't bad. A bit melodramatic/cheesed up, but not bad.
by
Anonymous04/25/06
Good But Some Fact Problems
I enjoyed your story and I think it has a lot of potential. I agree with the comment that you could use an editor. Also, I wanted to point out some factual errors in the story that took away some of its effect for me.
First, a jaguar is an animal from South and Central America. No one who had dealings with the Sumerians would've know what a jaguar was.
Second, a rapier is a thin sword used in the 16th and 17th centuries. Not only is the time frame wrong, but it is not the type of sword used to take off one's head.
English
Errors
Find an editor.
Good but...
You really need to have someone fix your quotation marks. The errors are so glaring it makes the story harder to read. Other than that, the content isn't bad. A bit melodramatic/cheesed up, but not bad.
Good But Some Fact Problems
I enjoyed your story and I think it has a lot of potential. I agree with the comment that you could use an editor. Also, I wanted to point out some factual errors in the story that took away some of its effect for me.
First, a jaguar is an animal from South and Central America. No one who had dealings with the Sumerians would've know what a jaguar was.
Second, a rapier is a thin sword used in the 16th and 17th centuries. Not only is the time frame wrong, but it is not the type of sword used to take off one's head.
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