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by citizenseventeen
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- 11 Comments
Anonymousalmost 18 years agoHot story.
One suggestion: make your paragraphs shorter.
Hope to see more stories from you.
Anonymousalmost 18 years agogood "job"
very nice and erotic...can't wait to read more from this point of view
Anonymousalmost 18 years agoGreat Beginnings
Shows that a girl can be a little agresive and turn out fine.
Please give us more of their adventures.
tinman69salmost 18 years agoGreat Little Story
That really worked for me!!! I thought it was a great story!! Now all you have to do is write one about the first time you give up the pleasure palace!!!
Anonymousover 17 years agoC+
Not bad for a first effort. However, the numerous grammatical errors are incredibly distracting.
Anonymousover 17 years agoVery hot keep writing
You have a very good point of view writing style, I look forward to reading more.
Anonymousover 16 years agospelling
Has anyone ever told you that it is HIGH SCHOOL, not highschool???
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