writer has no concept of what is erotic or a story
This keeps getting worse by a writing stand point. The only improvement is an actual description of a sex act was introduced into the story.
Still no emotion from either character. This isn’t very erotic
He is so concerned they agree she needs to get checked Monday for STD’s after one trick didn’t use a condom, and then he proceeds to eat her out. Come on think about what you are writing.
Why would you keep putting a story about some girl just having indiscriminate sex in Loving Lives as no one is even married?
This all just keeps getting dumber and dumber.
It appears you don’t care how much of a fool you make of yourself. I give up.
by
Anonymous05/19/06
Married / Loving Wives ????? Where???
Uninspired but needs a different home. No marital yet.
by
Anonymous05/20/06
Keep going
Practice makes perfect, as they say. Other's comments are accurate; so try to implement their suggestions. I like the story. It could be hotter; but I wouldn't mind being mentor to such a lovely. Looking for next chapter.
English
writer has no concept of what is erotic or a story
This keeps getting worse by a writing stand point. The only improvement is an actual description of a sex act was introduced into the story.
Still no emotion from either character. This isn’t very erotic
He is so concerned they agree she needs to get checked Monday for STD’s after one trick didn’t use a condom, and then he proceeds to eat her out. Come on think about what you are writing.
Why would you keep putting a story about some girl just having indiscriminate sex in Loving Lives as no one is even married?
This all just keeps getting dumber and dumber.
It appears you don’t care how much of a fool you make of yourself. I give up.
Married / Loving Wives ????? Where???
Uninspired but needs a different home. No marital yet.
Keep going
Practice makes perfect, as they say. Other's comments are accurate; so try to implement their suggestions. I like the story. It could be hotter; but I wouldn't mind being mentor to such a lovely. Looking for next chapter.
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