All Comments  for

How to Appreciate a Man

bySelena_Kitt©
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Comments (151)
by Anonymous

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by writingdragon05/17/06

Thanks SK

After thirty-two years of our work in progress, its nice to see when someone else gets it too. We are all a bit selfish, and as you so aptly decribe it takes a lot to focus on the spouse when things aren't just perfect.

You are also correct on how our society views and portrays the dad. When truthfully how different and important his role in his mates and their kids lives really is.

They are a team his mate and he each provide so much to the kids and each other. Taking them for granted either of them is just so wrong.

Thanks for sharing and the pat on the back.

Your hubby is a lucky man who lives and loves with a lucky woman.

Writingdragon

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by horde05/17/06

One of the best How To's so far

Selena - you are 100% correct throughout your entire post. I couldn't have written it better myself, and I'm a guy. Now, if only the other 99% of females would just figure this out...

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by 05/17/06

You are really good

Selena:

My wife had it right 'cause she put into practise all you've written here and as a mere male it was a great life. The one thing that used to set her to grinding her teeth was the way her co-workers would bad mouth their husbands. As soon as it started she'd get up and leave. Funny part over the years, the bad mouthers all found themselves on the wrong end of a set of divorce papers as soon as the youngest turned 18 and was out of the house. Their usual excuse was that he must have found some tight bodied younger chippy. They didn't have a clue. Thank You. Ronnie W.

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by KOLKORE05/17/06

Hey, I like to be pleasured too...

I liked your ‘mutual appreciation society’ approach. In fact my wife and my self practice it daily as we try to change and be creative about it. My caveat is that men and women are BOTH similar and different. A better approach would be to work on nurturing the relationships from both ends. If I find that my wife and I are politically akin or share very similar spiritual beliefs, we don’t operate as if we are acting from two end of a gender divide. If on the other hand our preferences in exercising or in food are different, we shall find all the opportunities to respect and appreciate the differences REGARDLESS of their speculated origin- i.e. does my wife prefer walking to machines at the Gym because she is a woman or because she is HER? Who cares? What I am suggesting here is, to take the basic model of respect and appreciation, and utilize it across all the spectrum of the relations.
My second comment is that although you touched on it briefly, at least this man likes to receive pleasure just as much as he likes to give. This man believes that men’s bodies just like women are also built for pleasure, and the best way to appreciate men (or women) is not to draw arcane gender distinctions here. Let’s have each partner in the relationship work as hard (yet this is a fun work..) on pleasuring the other… I, for one, don’t wish to go back to the 50’s…

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by MayhemLass05/17/06

there is something that tweaks me the wrong way i

Kolkore has some good points - the essay to me sounds suspiciously like the "good wives" booklet that made the rounds a few years ago - a high school text from the 50s wherein women were told to always wear makeup, always be grateful, have a clean house ... yadda yadda yadda.

Bullshit.

You're damn right if my guy rinses the dishes but DOESN'T put them in the dishwasher I'm going to bitch! I actually find it demeaning not just to the woman but to the man to suggest that doing a half assed job is accepted becuase ... why? he's male?

I work fulltime and bring in pretty well the same money he does - I paint (just finished the living room and dining room) fix screens, helped do the roof, get my KIDS to carry in the groceries ... I don' t need a man to do those things - I need a man to be a lover, a companion, a friend.

I give him credit for having enough maturity to accept that doing a crappy job and calling it that is just fine - I also give him credit for what he does do - just like I expect him to give me credit for what I do.

And no, I don't hate men - we're all human and anymore than colour, culture or anything else, I try not to make generalizations about half the human race....

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by cageytee05/17/06

Where have you been all my life ???????

Although your bio doesn't actually show it, I suspect you weren't born for most of it!
Oh well. I can dream! I can read too and I very much enjoyed your work today. Thanks for sharing.

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by 05/17/06

What’s all this rubbish...

About the man just rinsing the dishes?

Look, it may not happen very often; however, when duty calls, I WASH the dishes (not rinse). If there are pots and pans I give them an extra scrub (using my manly powers) AND tighten those loose handles. Then there’s the worktops, oven, and sink to wipe down. All these tasks done lovingly (but sparingly) over 45 years of marriage.

My dear wife is recovering from an operation at this moment, so doing house chores is a daily event. Can’t say I'm over enthused, although, I’ve been very tempted to write an ‘how to’ on “how to appreciate the erotica of ironing.”

Like your entry and wish you well.

My best wishes

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Equality sucks, for both men and woman.

This struck suck a deep cord with in me.

I have just walked away from a nine and a half year relationship because there was none of the above.

Oh we brought each other great pleasure in bed and in fact that was the only reason the relationship lasted as long as it did. I belive in being a 'Gentleman' I open doors, carry bags, wash plates, hold chairs in restaurants and help with coats etc.

I do not belive that woman are inferior in any way. So I can carry more than her, hey I am 6 foot tall and 200 pounds and she in 4 foot 5 inches and 90 pounds. What do you expect?

But when all you hear is "You don't have to do that" or "I can do that myself" when ever I did something gentlemanly I eventually give up. There comes a point where you realise that no amount of love and attention is going make her see that you do these things out of love and respect, not some superiority complex. I want the woman in my life to feel special, and I need to know that these efforts are appreciated, or they are wasted.

Like any system that is badly out of balance the relationship broke down. I am going to send a link to this article to her anonymously in the hope it helps her with her next relationship. And a copy on my hard drive for the next person in my life to read VERY EARLY ON.

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by 05/17/06

Grateful a Man is a Man...

This is a wonderfil how-to! I love men, too! I do wish I had known these simple truths a long, long time ago. It's that old idea that we show more gratitude and kindness to people we barely know than we share with those we love the most. Live and Learn. You expressed your wisdom in a beautiful way!

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by sophia jane05/17/06

~

Great work, Selena. Most of your tips seem like commonsense, but it's amazing how many relationships lack the basics of appreciation.

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by lja05/17/06

I love you !!!!!

Your really nice Selena... I mean really appreciating us men... I appreciate you Ladies also... But not like you do the men... I mean Im a guy... you know we like sex more than women... I do Love Ladies but when I see certain ones ... You know what Im thinking... what would it be like if she .... WEll you know... Us men have to much lust in us... But right now Im thinking of you... I havent read your profile yet... that is if you have one... I havent checked yet,,, But I wish all women was like you... I wish I could find one like you... Hell there is a nice looking woman across the street from me... And she might even be you... I doubt it thou... :-( Your an Angel anyway... ty for the story... Larry

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by Anonymous05/17/06

I've been on both sides of this fence!

I nearly blew a thirty year marriage because I never received any of this sincereity. Another woman walked into my life and I swear this article was about her. To be appreciated for the little things and to here a thank you without the but did wonderous things for me.
I.m back in my marriage and will show this to the wife. After all we must learn to communicate. Gjreat job thank you.

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by Aurora Black05/17/06

Illuminating

Lovely work, Selena. Nearly six years into my work-in-progress (not quite a marriage, but close enough), I recently "saw the light" and realized that I had stopped letting him know how much I appreciated him and his daily efforts. I immediately remedied that oversight and surprise surprise, our bond (which had diminished to the point where I intended to leave) intensified and we fell in love all over again.

This How To reads like a much needed wake-up call, a shock to the system that commands attention and respect. Women need to be aware that most of the time, it's up to them to change their (non-abusive) relationships around until it's more to their liking. When your men notice the inner changes that you've made (gained self-confidence, but also your attitude towards THEM), 9 times out of 10 they will respond in a positive way and they will move mountains for you.

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by impressive05/17/06

BUT ...

... this is also true in any relationship. Everyone appreciates being appreciated! Nice work, Selena! ~ Imp

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by 05/17/06

Magnificent

I have a fifteen year old sister who has just started dating and I've been trying to give her advice on how to keep the relationship she's in a good one. I think I'll just have her read this little how to because you put it perfectly Selena.

Well done,

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by duddle14605/17/06

Is this Relationship 101?

Hi Selena,

What it took most of us a lifetime to learn, you have revealed in this little How To. Could you, dear Selena, be wise beyond your years? Whatever. The World is a better place because of your article.

duddle

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by peggytwitty05/17/06

A read we all need to remember what is important

I know the biggest thing that can keep any kind of relationship afloat and growing is communication and you have stressed that in just about all your thoughtful points.

The saying I love you can become just a word when it is used constantly through out the day as when one leaves to go to the store or across the street. The words are important but must have a physical action tied to those words. Selena used a fantastic example of putting the hands on the chest make eye contact and saying the words with feelings. To go out the door and say I love you requires at least the stopping, turning and real eye contact to mean it was a true feeling. This was a fond feeling expressed with the physical action and requires a similar response from the other to also looking up from what they are doing and returning the eye contact and at least a facial expression of mutual feelings. Physical responses must accompany words to carry weight.
All couples must find a way of making their overtures to the spouse special in that it is something they only show to the other and not something they would ever share with intensity with anyone else, or it is not a bond of a special expression or sensation.

Each person has a personality that is different and require different stimulus to be happy. What you have written are things that encompass most people regardless of personality.
This might be a little controversial, but for some people letting their spouse know how they feel and what pleases them goes against their own inner control of what they show. This is one of the hardest things for some to do, as to trust that whatever they say will be accepted and not met with indifference or even rebuke. It’s not necessarily a lack of love or trust it’s just a large step they need assurance and patience to let them selves free to share. Years of understanding and assurances can bring them to a new level of love and trust.

Wanting to giving all you have to make your spouse happy while feeling that doing it is better then receiving it from them, is something many partners can’t accept, yet they feel the same in return for the other spouse. You covered it so very well in saying we have to learn to accept it, say thank you and not feel guilty.

To make someone you love smile has got to be the ultimate in bring feelings together and even if it is just for a moment, the two experience lighthearted feelings and an instant of calming between them. I’m proud that in my 40 years with my wife I have fond memories of always making her laugh, normally by doing something self-effacing, which always gave me that tilted head, eye sparkle and smirk that said you dummy I love you.

I know I’m a bit biased towards your writing and thought provoking style, but this is just great to see you reinforce some things that not all people understand or have given much thought to.

As always fantastic writing and very worthwhile subject, and I would go as far as to say educational awareness.

With the greatest of respect
PT

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by Harryin VA05/17/06

MayhemLass You're wrong -- shades of Dr Llaura

Mayhme Lass your are so wrong I am surpriaed you are not divorced... and as much as I hate to admit it Dr laura book THE PROPER CARE & FEEDING OF HUSBANDS is pretty much on point

You said

"You're damn right if my guy rinses the dishes but DOESN'T put them in the dishwasher I'm going to bitch! I actually find it demeaning not just to the woman but to the man to suggest that doing a half assed job is accepted becuase ... why? he's male?"

wrong stupid.... Look it is ok to react and give him (or her ) a rash of shit for a screw up... but if that is ALL you are doing... that is NOT ok....

and PLEASE lest not go with old song of silly career woman "oh men are just afraid of woman who make more $$ than me..." bullshit.

My wife who as a Master from NYU has over the past 12 years had made more than I have-- with the last two years being the first time I have made more than her.

Your fabulous career I am sure is great. Saying a kind word to hubby really should not cause YOU to react by asserting waving your glorious career...

You really are missing the overall point.

Let me ask you this ---what is ROMANTIC from a MAN's point of view? from a woman point of view that is easy to answer... we all have the same GENERAL idea.

But when you ask ANYONE what is romantic from a MAN's point of view.... I bet you cannot answer the question... or at least you will have to stop and REALLY think long and hard about that.

some woman have even said that men dont have romantic feelings and ideas like they do.!!!

The writer here is correct. Men need to feel needed. Most men are not nearly as emotionally developed as woman are...

the need / desire by a hubby / man to feel needed by their woman/ wife in this pro woman pro estrogen all men are sex fiends or perverts society is very strong.

It is why 70% of the time when woman have affairs the marriage fails but only 30% of the time when men have affairs marriages end.

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by drksideofthemoon05/17/06

Thought Provoking...

I enjoyed reading your "How-To", and as with all of your work, it is impeccably written and interesting. You raise a lot of good points in your piece. I could see myself in places in it, and it made me smile.

Good luck...

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by Papabear4905/17/06

Harry when are you gonna realize

The rest of us could care less for your vemonous nasty opinions or your self serving diatribe.

Instead of saying I disagree then go on to give your thoughts. You seem to have to lash out make each attack personal instead of dealing with the issues at hand attacking any and all aound you for whatever reason. You draw attention to yourself and your self deluding wonderful feelings. Instead of giving your opinions with a semblance of rational adult human thought.

I've been counseling couples over 30 years Harry people in failing impossible relationships. I like Dr. Laura for what she doesn't enspouse, "the men are always at fault, or the men are dummies syndrome."

But men and women both like to hear "hey thanks and I appreciate you," from any the people who are important to us. But especialy from one's spouse. You were right on to quote the writer you were rebuffing "Most men are not nearly as emotionally developed as woman are..." Guess what we are a self-centered and and in many cases unthinking lot too. But thankfully there are Women who can help take the edges off who will give and try and hopefully learn to help us become just a tad bit more civilized.

Men in general aren't as emotional, women are, men have other strong points and the writer of this article was trying to in my opinion to motivate women who have been feeling a bit empty or underappreciated to give hubby some good feelings. This is a time proven way to get hubby or wife to respond back to the other spouse especially if one is feeling ignored and wants to rekindle the fires between them.

I am not sure if where you are getting the percentages for the wife and hubby in affairs. In the practices here about women who don't totally give over their emtions to the new partner (and only about 20% do) are much more likely to try and recover the marriage. The 20% who do make a complete transfer of emotions have a high rate of failure.

However Harry the reasons men can play the game and come home is the women falls much deeper in love than the man and wants to try to salvage the relationship much more often.

The basic facts are simple women are much more willing to forgive, and try again. That alone is why the figures seem one sided, in truth they are not.

The man is the anger point who is not willing to forgive, to say ok is there anythng left. When a guy is able to get past his pain and yes his ego and try to forgive he is often surprised at his own healing.

I for one liked the efforts outlined by the author, and want to say thank you for giving both the guys and gals something to think about and some ideas to use in daily interaction.

Harry please the next time you feel the need to pour out the venom could I (we) ask you to take your silliness down the hallway and find somebody who cares.

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by SEVERUSMAX05/17/06

All in all, a great essay!

It is really a good point. I truly believe that both sexes want appreciation and to enjoy the sight of the other's pleasure. I'm glad that you presented what it is like for us men, and demonstrated a great deal of empathy for our situation. It's like you asked yourself what would you like from a man? And then applied that idea to the way that you treat men. A good application of the Golden Rule, really.

Naturally, I'll mention this one.

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by SadieRose05/17/06

Spot on!

You're right on there, Selena Sweetheart. I found myself nodding at every statement. Well written, well expressed and I understand it from the other side as well, having had relationships with women where I was the domme. Giving pleasure was so much more gratifying than some wham bam experience.
(Not that getting it back isn't nice as well *grin*)
Cheers for that. I'm gonna recommend it to everyone having relationship problems.
xxx. Sadie

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by Anonymous05/17/06

So True

Selena should be the president's first-ever Female Education Czar.

There are way too many psychopathically conceited and alienated females in the world, who would rather spend their lives alone and bitchy in a warm coccoon of "splendid isolation", than sacrifice that illusion to simply be decent and close to a male.

It's almost like they have this narcissistic need to prove their superiority at all costs to themselves. Kelly Clarkson's song "Miss Independent" said it best, I think.

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by Munachi05/17/06

hm...

I had to think quite a while on what to say... There are a lot of good points in this, and it is well written, but I must admit something bothers me.

I have, in general, a problem with statements that start with "men are..." and "women are...". Appreciation is important, of course, but for everyone, for women as much as for men. And I won't appreciate my partner mainly because he is a man, but because he is him. Because I need him not because he is a man, but because he is the person I love, one specific person I need.

Your text, to me, somewhat implies that it is typical for women not to appreciate men, and not the other way around - something that I don't agree with, this behaviour seems to be equally common on both sides.

I do like your writing a lot, and as I said, there are a lot of good and true points about this text as well, but somehow I just can't get myself to agree completely with it...

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by Anonymous05/17/06

Right on!

The best way she can show me her appreciation is by expressing her pleasure. That's not only right on, it's exactly right. I think a lot of the posters here who have objected have missed that. It's really very, very simple. Feel and experience your own pleasure, revel, as you say, in it. Then your man will feel appreciated. It's brilliant. You sound like a woman who knows how to deeply receive. It is a rare thing. Sad. I'm glad you know it, Selena.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

A manifesto

I'm gonna print this out and ask my wife to read it. Seems so obvious, but damnation, it's true (at least in my case) I feel best when I am able to make my wife happy and when she acknowledges it, I feel like a king. Sad but true, "thank you's" go a long, long way.

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by WickedDrX05/18/06

My god, a woman who understands!

Now if only I could get my wife to read this piece.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Great post

This is so true. It was as if you were in my head pulling all of my thoughts out. I would show this to my wife if I thought she'd care. Both men and women could learn a lot from this. It is important to reciprocate whatever good gestures your mate makes.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Fantastic

I'm going to hang on to this and read it often. It's so easy to take people, especially the ones closest to us for granted.

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by Harryin VA05/18/06

You are right PapaBear

Papa Bear

Yes you are right.... sometimes I do go over the top and I PROMISE to use more restraint in the future.

That being said we seem to agree on a lot.

what set me off about what MayhemLass said -- and did you see her Picture? wow....!! is that she thought selena was preaching some sort of "Leave it to Beaver" 1950 WASP neo conservative viewpoont that IF you treat you hubby with kindness somehow -- according to mayhemlass -- that you automatially place the woman/ wives in a inferior position.

Look at what mayhamlass posted... she came up with several satements about her Income her independence and took the positon that saying a kind word to her man / hubby is somehow demeaning...

since I have 2 high powered woman attorneys in my family and a wife that is better educated than I.... it has been MY experience that when someone overeacts to what is common sense insight there is some else at work

salena entire appeal is to the BETTER side of woman in general ... her postiton glorifies the kindess and loving nature of most women and asks them to use the emotional superiority to keep the relationship close and loving.

what is wrong or contentious about this statement salena made

"You might not believe me, but I've found that it's generally true. Men want to experience a woman experiencing pleasure. It is the most tantalizing thing in the world for the masculine. That doesn't necessarily mean in bed, although there, too, of course, but it can be as simple as laughing at his jokes, smiling at him when he does something goofy, or saying "Mmm!" when he brings you chocolate.


or this one

What you need to remember is that a woman's enjoyment is the secret ingredient. He wants to see that everything he does, everything he works for, everything he offers, is appreciated by his woman, whether that's watching her face when she opens the gift, or seeing her eyes light up when he gives her flowers, or watching her toes curl when she cums.

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by OroroStorm05/18/06

Doesn't read like a how to.

It's more of a lecture to women on why we should apreciate men for their masculinity. I'm sorry but when I turn of my television and see news programs about men using the internet to pray on children, abusing their families, or listen to friends/family talk about being raped by their fathers, uncles, brothers it just confirms what I already knew. Men are selfish beasts who are slaves to their sexual desires and lack moral direction. From the moment they achieve an erection they spend the rest of their lives in pursuit of their own pleasure.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Finally

I'm glad to see that a woman finally realizes and speaks about what really makes us go. It makes me happy inside. Really.

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by Sandman105/18/06

Darlin' if you wern't married

I'd ask you to marry me.
Wonderfully done!

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Appreciating other people

Great piece. It’s incredible what a long way common sense and common curtsey will take you. People have just forgotten that other people, in a relationship, or in any other situation, like to be appreciated. Thanks for reminding and thanks for sharing…

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by DakiniGirl05/18/06

For OroroStorm in the real world

Honey, the only "real world" is the one of your own making. It's women like you who need this kind of message the most, and it's women like you won't ever hear it. Selena has written something from her heart and has clearly found what resides in the hearts of men. She says its a secret, but I'll tell her one. It's a secret only to women who are blind to the beauty around them and the beauty in themselves. I hope you find the beauty in your own storm, Ororo. It could be your greatest gift.

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by angelicminx05/18/06

Gospel

That's what this is, or at least should be.

I'm guilty of it, at least in my first marriage. He took out the garbage, but left everything else to me. Including loading the car with all the baby gear or luggage for trips, unloading groceries, etc. Maybe if I hadn't gotten so angry all the time he'd have done more. Who knows.

This go 'round, my SO does ALL of the 'men things' like bringing in the groceries, carrying the heavy loads (hell, carrying ALL the loads), taking out the trash, opening doors, holding the umbrella and in general taking care of me. All the things that make him feel like a man. I tell him thank you on a regular basis, and yes, I mean it with all my heart.

He's taught me how to let him take care of me. He knows I'm capable of doing it myself, and maybe that's the key, that I AM capable, but he enjoys taking care of me. He tells me, when I look at him with such love filling my eyes and I say, "Thank you for taking care of me," he feels ten feet tall and bullet proof. I wouldn't take that from him to save my life. ~Minx

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Well, I just be damned!!!

I don't suppose you have a sister that thinks like you, do you? Or a cousin, maybe? Girlfriend?
I'm sending your story to a couple of women who are no longer part of my life... maybe they'll get it right next time...

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by MayhemLass05/18/06

Selena, trying not to hijack your essay

but, GOD, I can't keep quiet!

I'm thankful there are a few on the board that see how demeaning the essay is towards MEN, not to talk about WOMEN!

I can assure you - I love men too! What I do not love is damning ANYONE with unearned praise.

Let me make my position clear - I will liken it to how I deal with my kids - when my kids work HARD at something then they will get LOTS of praise and encouragement - a case in point, my second daughter - who struggled mightely with acedmic physcis in grade 11 - got a grade of 53% - I brought her out to lunch - I was TOTALLY proud of her. Same child, grade of 80% in history - I ripped her face off. WHY? Because she hadn't even cracked a book - NO effort had been put into it - the mark itself is irrelevant - she understood and laughed about it and totally got it.

I see what Selena says in this essay as "damning men with faint praise" - i.e. giving them praise and stroking for what? having a penis?

I LIKE, no LOVE penises! But JUST becuase my guy has one doesn't mean I think he THINKS with it - i.e. the infamous dishwahser thing - so he rinses the dishes, doesn't put them in and I'm suppoed to say thank you. For WHAT? For NOT doing the job correctly?

I praise my guy all the time - I support him in every sense, encourage, laugh with, have sex with him and fight with him - he is my PARTNER, my EQUAL - I never underestimate his intelligence nor his capabilities.

I would NEVER demean him or any other male - hell, any other person, by making the assumption that a half assed job is all they are capable of ... particularly if I am assuming it is becuase they are male!

And Harry I never once waved my salary, independence, etc in anyone's face! That, Harry, is your own insecurities speaking, not mine.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Jesus!

Would that more women had your depth of understanding! Men, too, for that matter. Comment by a very impressed man.

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by DakiniGirl05/18/06

To: Mayhemlass

This article doesn't demean men. Ask the men who have posted feedback here if they feel demeaned. It seeks to truly understand the nature of men, and what they want from women. Marriage, nor life, isn’t about keeping score, at least, not the parts of it worth living. When you start keeping score with a man, like you do here, it is the beginning of the end for your relationship. Your view here makes me sad, for you and for your man. You are castrating your man every time you tell him he didn’t do it right, that he could have done it better, that YOU could have done it better. Minx had it right. Both people are capable, intelligent, sentient beings—who make a choice to give each other what they crave. Men crave appreciation and respect. Do you think your husband feels respected when you correct him? It makes me cringe. Selena presents a way to appreciate a man WITHOUT demeaning him. Perhaps you should share the essay with your man. Never mind. I imagine he probably would say just what you what him to say. Just know, he won’t say it forever.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

Exactly right.

This article really sums up why things have gone so wrong for me and my partner, and how I've fallen so deeply in love with someone else.

I felt completely unvalued and unappreciated at home, I was just there to earn the money and pay the bills, and when someone else started to appreciate my humour, the nice things I did for my friends, even simply being in my company, I wanted to see more and more of them.
We've seen a hell of a lot of each other over the past year, and now we've fallen in love in such a big way that we can't imagine life without each other.

That's the true secret to winning a man's heart: make him feel appreciated for just simply being who he is.

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by Anonymous05/18/06

SelenaKittyn for President

To hell with Hillary, I want SelenaKittyn to be the first woman President.

I'm rating this a 5 only because there's no way to rate it a 6.

And let's not forget, all that advice applies to men, too. Ladies, appreciate your men. Guys, appreciate your women.

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by MayhemLass05/18/06

DakiniGirl

Both you and several others who have read my comments obviously are challenged when it comes to comprehension, both in terms of what is being said by Selena and on a more personal level, what I ACTUALLY say.

Not once do I say I 'Keep score'. Nor do I say I 'correct my guy constantly.

Nope, I say I treat him like an intelligent human being as I expect him to treat me.

And, sweetie, when you have a 30+ year relationship as I do - 25 years married - that continues to be challenging, passionate, exciting and fulfilling, then come back and tell me I'm wrong.

And incidentally, you're damn right I open my mouth EVERY day - but not to castrate my guy - I have far better things to do with my mouth than that!

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by DakiniGirl05/18/06

To Selena Re: Mayhemlass

I apologize for using this little feedback portal to try to get Mayhemlass to see to the heart of your message. If it's been 30+ years for she and her man... well, we all know the saying about old dogs. She's clearly had his balls for so long he doesn't know they're missing. I just felt sad that she missed the point, and spent two rather large posts attached to your essay to justify the way she treats her man. I can't apologize for her behavior, but I will apologize for mine. Several of us have tried to get her to see what a majority of the people here see in your how-to, but clearly Miss Lass is more interested in justifying her position than listening. Wishing you the best, Selena.

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by AutumnWriter05/19/06

Excellent

A very nice, well written work, and full of truth!

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by Boxlicker10105/19/06

Right on,

Selena, men do like to be appreciated. So do women, of course, and I think I'm going to have to do some work on that. Also, the biggest sexual turnon for a man is having a woman enjoying what he is doing.

This is rather strange, seeing public comments becoming a discussion thread.

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by Anonymous05/19/06

Learned something about myself

Wow. If everyone had that kind of insight...man, world peace. Seriously.

I've never seen a more complete description of my entire personality. I suddenly have an understanding of why I do some of the things I do and act the way I act.

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by 05/20/06

The power of the "but"

I was most impressed with the portion of your article dealing with the way a simple "but..." negated the positive vibe of a "thank you." More people need to think about this. Thank you for pointing it out.

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by DG Hear05/20/06

Nicely done Miss or Mrs. Kitten

A lot of truth in your writing. It is a two way street, you want to be appreciated, then appreciate the one you're with. The little 'Thank you', go a long way. You are right when you say giving pleasure, receives pleasure.
Again, very insightful.
With high regards
DG Hear

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by Anonymous05/20/06

Hahahahahaha!

LMFAO! Maybe you should have wrote supplying lots of beer, blowjobs, and early morning sex topped with another blowjob. So much bullshit there's nothing more to say.

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