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English
Ummm...
Not very good. I noticed that this was only your second story, that is why I gave you a 50. The concept is on the porn side. If that is what you were going for it should not be in the Romance catogory. OK now that I have torn it up I would like to say you could write a good story with a little more practice, keep it up. Just make sure you are putting your stories in the catogory that best fits.
A Little Different!
Lulubelle,
I did enjoy reading your story. I know from experience, every story takes time from the Writer's daily routines. Dear girl, you might want to think of making your paragraphs smaller. It makes a story ever so much easier to read. You're getting there. I'll look forward to reading your next one.
A bit more..
Paragraph length is fine. Descriptons were good. It did seem a bit rushed and more fit for the erotic coupling category. If you added a bit more dialog so the characters could actually find more in common then sex, that would lead to a romance more so than the short, easy ending saying they would be together. I see you going places as an author with a bit more effort.
lllllllllooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee eeeeee it
my pussy is soaking from this story :)
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