The read is so close to the typical 'Loving Wives' tale that appears on here daily, to call it satire is fun, in a way, but then again it's more like you were trying to write a 'Loving Wives' story and fell short of that goal.
This is the first of your posts that I have read, and I was drawn to the title. Yeah, those insulting ananymous criticts have their way on this board. I was expecting more play with the anonymous, like that the boyfriend was Mr. Noname, or that he could only speak from behind a closed door.
Myself, I can't even try to write that 'Loving Wives' bs. And you've done a good job at demonstrating how typically stupid those stories are. But your bio reads that you write a whole variety of catagories that I have no interest in. But people do read them. Once Lit changed catagories on one of my stories, to 'Incest/T', I was pissed, but it had more hits in the first days than chapters of novels that required much more work.
So get back to music.
submission section on your story. You do not like anonymous criticism, OK please post your real name, address and phone and I will quit Anonymous input. Actually I just vary some of the details, there is just one Anonymous and it is me.
So post your real life name; oh I am sorry, you mean susurrus is your real name?
Isn't satire supposed to be, well, funny?
Satire (n.) - An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence, for the soul of it is wit, wherein we are dolefully deficient, the humor that we mistake for it, like all humor, being tolerant and sympathetic. Moreover, although Americans are 'endowed by their Creator' with abundant vice and folly, it is not generally known that these are reprehensible qualities, wherefore the satirist is popularly regarded as a sour-spirited knave, and his every victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national assent." [Ambrose Bierce]
it was intended for.
The person who mentioned that it read much like a "Loving Wives" story is pretty much right on. I was simply writing the story as per certain feedbacks I've read on other writer's stories of this kind. I decided to write a story that should satisfy those select few people who appear to miss the point of this site in the first place.
As far as it being satire, it probably isn't, really. Actually, I was surprised I could crank out a story as mean-spirited as this turned out.
As far as having deactivated private feedback, I was unaware that had occurred. I apologize.
Why compare? What sense, except to validate your own ideas. Susurrus has given us all a look at our own inner selves. Didn't meet "my" expectations, so why didn't you...
Describe - add - how big - story too long - story too short - not enough of this or that! Hello! I know we all ask for it every time the public comment thing is activated, but come on! There are some very, and I do mean "very" fine writers out there, but if we ever hope to aspire...Try being constructive. Acknowledge the writers attempt and not your unfulfilled sexual desires. Having posted 23 and 24 on the way, it ain't easy folks.
If you don't write...stop suggesting and just enjoy, or start writing and put "out" those words, in story form, that we'd so dearly love to carve apart!
Thank you Susurrus...I've printed out the story and will keep it for future needs, when the next "Anon" writes to tell me how fucked my story is (or turned out) in his or her mind!
PS: Personally, Anonymous - should not be allowed! If ya want to comment then your LIT name and/or e-mail should accompany the posting.
Anonymous because it has that air of mystery and intrigue, so very different from many anonymous commentators, a la Literotica.
Susurrus, such a descriptive word:
A soft whispering; or rustling sound, a murmur.
That’s what so good about writing, you get to use the words.
My best regards
You missed a couple of items; the immortal cuckold, the wife's gangbang with 6 big-dicked blackmen, and her having a bouncing black baby boy. Other then these you pretty well touched all bases. However you missed a golden opportunity: you should have included the replies from the anonymous trogs and trolls as a part of your story. That would have really been parody and satire! Thank You. Ronnie W.
Not much importance on getting too hung up on terminology, but the common distinction I am aware of between satire and Parody is as follows: Satires usually aim at current social/ political situations, while Parodies poke fun at other artistic forms of expression, which IMO is the case of your story. Still, You could find examples of ‘mixed use’, no purism in language. Beyond that, Satires are alive and well, and badly needed. Without them life would be unbearable…
Interestingly, it’s not uncommon that the original intention of the author is not always received by the readership as intended. A parody may be adopted as a serious expression, and even succeeds as such. It only means that there is a wall between the intentions of the author and the finished product. Not unlike children, once they come to the world they start to live life of their own.
Finally, I did not understand how is it that you were aiming at Anon readers when the stories which you poke fun at are written by writers? Are you suggesting that this is your perception of the kind of story they would have liked to see? I am confused.
Thank you for your submission, one way or another.
There have been a few of these cliche ridden parodies lately - this is one of the better ones.
To under stand where he is going with this story, write your own loving wifes story. Then read the comments you recieve about it from the anon commenters.
it seems to me that one man's satire is far better than another's best effort at a Loving Wives story. This story was a synopsis of the 'right-wing' of the genre and was pretty good! All us writers need do is add a few actions and names and post it. Thanks for writing it.
This definition of satire is as archaric as it says satire is.
1. the use of mockery, irony, or wit to attack or ridicule something, such as a habit, idea, or custom that is, or is considered to be, foolish or wrong.
Ex. Satire ... to tell men freely of their foulest faults, to laugh at their vain deeds and vainer thoughts (John Dryden). Satire should, like a polished razor keen, wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen (Lady Mary Wortley Montagu).
2. a poem, essay, story, or other literary or artistic form, that attacks or ridicules in this way.
This doesn't say anything about funny but wit is okay. This story is more like: "a polished razor keen, wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen"
Nice effort and bitingly sharp!
Well done, and well-deserved ;)
You, being somewhat literally challenged, have in your attempt at satire and humor written perhaps what is your best story. A shame you cant harness your fetishes and write more stories in this vein that really give vent to your creative juices. When you write of wimp husbands whose wives have been fucking around and finally introduce their husbands to gay sex you really underscore the fetish in which you live.
I wonder why people who have assumed nicks in order to be anonymous have trouble with people that have not picked nicks to be anonymous. Perhaps one, writers even, should consider most people that read stories in this archive do not assume nicks and simply use the provided id by the site. Assuming a nick like susurrus does not identify you, it is simply a nick used to keep yourself anonymous. What was that again. The use of a nick is a method of keeping yourself anonymous! If writers want only responses from people who identify themselves perhaps the writers, we cant call them authors, should post their own real names and address so that the readers, anonymous or not, will have a real way to identify them. When you complain about people who disagree with you under the alias Anony, you are actually faulting more readers than those that actually use nicks. Some of these anony readers only come in occassionally and some are every day regulars, nothing like turning your reader base off is there. The only real reason for someone on here to assume a nick or alias is if they are submitting stories and want to remain anonymous to the readership, think about that. I have taken the time to read over the offerings of this writer and believe it or not this is probably his best offering to the site. You have to remember most of us in real life dont suffer under the mental problems others with particular fetishes do. Thanks for writing this, the critiques by the far outs really do point out what I am trying to say.
The guy in missouri may have used two i's but you only used on s. If you are going to critique that way have enough class to be right yourself.
The guy in missouri may have used two i's but you only used one s. If you are going to critique that way have enough class to be right yourself.
FINALLY! I get so damned sick and tired of the same old shit stories where the wife drags her husband (usually a saint of a man) through shit. Even if he catches them red-handed, the wife generally winds up with the house, full custody of the children, half of his assets, he pays child support for children he may never get to see, or may not even be his. She gets a car (much better than his). And his good name is ruined forever. This is so refreshing. I'm going to add it to my favorites.
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