All Comments on 'Laden With Iron'

this poem was mentioned in the thread, "New Poem Reviews"

I believe you could greatly strengthen this poem with some editing/rewriting. Perhaps we speak in different cadence, but I find your rhythm faulty (and syllable count seems to confirm). Switching between end and internal rhymes will lessen the allure for many readers. - Plus, if you are only going to capitalize the first word in lines that start a new sentence, then you need to know what constitutes a sentence. - IE: Your first line is not a sentence.

Enjoyable, but could be better.

in poetry, my spell check is always pointing out that I have "fragments" but I click ignore once and move on.

There are places where this can be improved, Valiant, I dont think Reltne is saying you cant write, just that it could be improved so that it is easier to read.

I find much in this poem that is worthwhile. I hope you keep writing. Dont allow what *seems* like negativity to stop you, it is only your perception, most people here offer suggestions to help and i do know Reltne doesnt waste his time on something he considers worthless :)

smile, and keep on writing!!

maria