One Slip: The H20wadr's Ending

Disappointed

I always look forward to your wonderful tales! I only wonder why you even took this story in this direction. Since you did and with your expertise why such a short disjointed, unbelievable! ending. I will still look forward to your new stories but this was surely not your best effort.

It had to happen!

Of all the endings to Patricia51's "One slip". there had to be one that was so cynical that it was convoluted and senseless. This one was it.

Cheers!

Like all of H20 's crap

this was crap

interesting

i'm sure like most readers will feel,i'm not happy with the outcome as told in the story. the bad guy wins big time!

however thanks for making the effort to offer an alternative ending to a story that has had a lot of exposure.

regards,
don

And then...

...the FBI, which has been running a surveillance operation for over a year, intercepts the letter. At which point the entire group ends up in a federal prison, getting gang raped in the showers.

The end.

This submission was way below your usual standard. Please don't do it again.

so, OK

that was the author's take. and so OK, im giving it a 25. hey, at least its not a 00. its for the time and effort( probably short time and not much of an effort).

WTF!

Not your usual effort or style--You gave no new insight to the characters plot, meaning behind the story or anything. Not your good stuff H20wader--in fact downright terrible. I usually like your writing--pull this one and try again.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your story was pathetic. It made no sense at all. You made the whole story out to be a 'mafia' like operation with executives parading their wives and daughters for business. Which big business operates like that!!!!!!!!!!! I have always enjoyed your story but this really was silly. Good luck to you.

lwyslv

Sorry

I normally love your stories but this one made no sense to me at all.
Keep Writing
Bob

I'm saddened

I am very disappointed. I don't know why it was so inadequately thought out and submitted.
I do look forward to the author’s next story submittal.
PT

Not your best work...

Another fan of your writing... This one was just lacking. It made no sense at all. Even beyond the random direction, and the impossibility of what's being asked.

Sorry.

I'm still shaking my head

I normally like you stuff and can't wait to read it. I had to go over this a few times to get what was happening. I've read all the alt ending in the past. But this left me shaking my head. You normally set up the scenes a little too well at times. You added so many new characters with no development, It doesn't look like you wrote it. The premiss could work but you didn't give it time to get there. Sorry but you lost me on this one. Were you going for comments written by the most number of pissed off readers? I think DG has the record for that this week.LYG

Bullshit

Why did you waste my time and yours?

An insult to Patricia

surely??
The only thing that bears any relationship to Parricia's original is the names of a few characters.

Dark visions from the author's mind

This is beyond good or bad, it's disturbing. It feels as if you have been using the original story as a platform to convey some dark angry feelings, unrelated to the original, only we are not informed about it . It touches on some ring of cheating women; it touches on state wide corruption - frankly it sounds a bit paranoid to me. As if that's how things work all around you, only we don't know about it...Da da da da dadada... Now I wonder what is it that you are REALLY angry about? Maybe then we could get a more coherent story.

you are out of your mindn

my god man get real

Absolute Nonsense!!!

This could not get any worse...from any standpoint!

Stop the Nonsense

You should have left well enough alone. Your ending sucks big time. The only thing your ending suggests is how big a slime ball Gil Gentry is and that you have the audacity to indicate that he sees himself as a good guy. What a crock of shit! This is one time that the original ending was enough. I hope you have a day job that pays.

WHY BOTHER?

The best things about this story are that it is short and not worth taking seriously.

Sorry

Another caricature of the original story. I know you can do better.

Did you ever consider trying to write stories?

Stop tying while on drugs and get it together, then try writing a story.

Garbage:

What a simpering piece of shi#. This so called ending to said story is an insult to a fairly good story.
Go back to school and graduate from the sixth grade and maybe you will learn hot to evaluate a story.

ABSOLUTE CRAP

ABSOLUTE CRAP

No Crap..Absolute Shit

If you can't write a decent tale, stop writing!

Sheez -

Not a lot of give in this crowd I guess -

It is as valid an ending as any other - no reason to think it could not happen - it does not require any thing more than some corrupt people - there are plenty to go around.

No way,

I could like something like this!

Why not?

The story was so unrealistic and outlandish that it was was actually funny and entertaining. And, it was well written and original. Therefore, I rated it 5*****s.

SHITE SICK CUCKOLD PERVES

Not good and too short

But saying that it was a nice twist to the other bullshit versions of this story which basically made her innocent of any wrongdoing(she was drunk, horny, he drugged her, she was hypnotised.) although I hate cuckold/cheating stories I do at least appreciate this humorous story so thanks.

Garbage

You went way off the deep end with this one. Fucking horrible.

I wonder if you have proof

Because if yes, well... I would love to see it in the cold light of the day...

Another crappy effort

Stupid, crude and not worth reading.
Unfortunately, the skillful writing of the original author seemed to attract mostly untalented wannabes who 1) could not continue the story without a complete change of POV; 2) Had to introduce some standard LW devices to try to hide their lack of originality 3) Were so obsessed with punishing the wife for a one-time cheat that they ignored a work-obsessed husband whose initial lack of attention set the situation up, or the criminal intent of the seducer.
The original story was so well-written that few could (or should) have accepted the challenge. Even the late Josephus - possibly the only one with enough talent of those who tried to step up to the mark - missed the target.

Disappointing

Not one of your better efforts, IMHO.

Wtf

was that bullshit? Did anybody even understand what the fuck that was supposed to be???

Wow was that a pile of crap!

Out of all the endings for Patricia1 story, this one is BY FAR the worst. Not only is this story implausible, but it feels like you wrote it in about 15 minutes. Total, unbelievable pile of horse pucky.

Yeah, Wow!, H20wader DOES have water on its' brain.

Hey H20wader, when you get through sucking your neighbor's dick (cleaning it off for the neighbor after the neighbor fucked H20wader's boyfriend in the ass), go straight to Hell. They are gleefully waiting for you.

That was bad enough to make me laugh.

Nobody has the kind of power necessary to make those demands of a judge and successfully get away with it, because the judge is open to review by others. Still, if I read it with Gil being an asshole of extreme delusions of grandeur, I find it hilarious. Don't know whether you intended it that way, but thumbs up for that.

Crap

I've never left a negative comment before but that was utter bile. Crawl back under your rock, and please stay there.

Ouch

Now that was a kick in the head -

And as possible as any other idea - damn - you got a black side to your imagination -

Garbage

'Nuff sed.

CRAP

May be the worst story on Literotica.
Just horrendous.

Don't know what is worse

Your crap or the cuck stories you linked to. Yes I do it's yours.

why don't you wander behind a truck

bang, bang, bang if that didn't kill you. You can borrow my gun.

why add a sequel to an unfinished story

that doesn't finish the story?

A little hisstory lesson

Polygamy has had a very LONG history in the world. Do you know WHERE? Dictatorships. A powerful Cock in the Mouth decides he wants a ton of girls. Since boys and girls generally get born in equal numbers, that means when the Inca takes on 10,000 women, 9,999 men are left with blue balls. And don't forget his ministers.

What killed polygamy? Democracy. Those 9,999 other men aren't happy. And if they CAN tell the Cock in the Mouth to go fuck himself, they WILL!

Nor let us forget these wives, who just LOVE to be passed around as party favors. I mean, I was talking to the wife and she said "You know what is hot? Having some asshole I hate grope me and make me have all kinds of sex I dislike and pass me around like a party favor."

Oh...sorry...she said the opposite of that!

So...in a website which has happy cuckolds who never get divorced and embrace their sub status, or which has men with Mustangs who cheat their insipid wives out of everything...here we have a power trip fantasy. I am guessing you aren't putting yourself in the shoes of the husband who is forced to share.

Nope, didn't like it. Because it broke suspension of disbelief about three ways past Sunday. Because it characterizes women in ways that they are not. Because it has men accepting things that they MURDER people over in ample quantities.

Essentially, not because it is poorly written, but because I do not believe it, am not emotionally engaged in it, and find it morally repulsive.

You cannot have all three in a story.

I Didn't Care Much For It, But......

Sad to say, but things like this go on more than any of us would want to admit. Greed and power are two powerful motivators, and some will seek either or both regardless of the cost. Good story from a different angle, just not one I cared much for.

This is just the worst, purely garbage, I hesitate to call it a story at all, from an author that barely achieves mediocrity at his best.
At least the author is honest when he calls his writing "ravings", fits this piece to a tee.

Vile and Flawed

A silly look at political and corporate corruption. He does not have a fool proof scheme, he has dementia.

Meh

Thanks for the offering.

It is almost like you picked the stupidest end you could think of. Knowing that it was so bad that people were going to tell you so.

Why? Just so you could feel like an intellectual and quote Shakespeare.

The only positive? It was short. Thankfully damn short.