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English
This is good stuff
Its very good. I'd have given it a straight 100 if it didn't feel like an almost total copy of DG Hear's story that you mentioned at the start. The resolution was different, there was more flesh on the bones here but it was still the same plot underneath.
This was very well written, with good character development and a strong story. The only problem is that it was too similar to DG Hear's story. At least it was for me.
Looking forward to your future work!
Great story! No wimps aroud here...
Lit readers should be glad that DG inspires you, Jack. This story is a great read - fast paced, erotic, and credible. Well done!
Terrific!
Loved it. Thanks.
Phil
An Easy 5
Very well written. Strong characters. Thanks for the story.
A great family story
I thought your story was a great story to read but you made a error in the story you wrote the father was paralyzed from the chest down and he would sometimes spend time at the bar near by well if he was paralyzed he couldnt do that you need to look at what you write you confuse people when you do that.
another trust issue
nothing wrong w/ the writting. now my comment on the story, especially about the wife's action. i dont get the silence. she knows she's being harrassed, yet she kept it all to herself. her other co-workers know what's going on, but she let her husband stew and stress over what she is up to. if she really does came from money, then she's adopted when she was already an adult and was never told what her previledges( or money powers) are.
she could have told her husband what wass happening and what she is intending to do. WHY LIE? she put sooo much stress on her relationship w/ her husband. alot could have gone wrong on those months. her husband could have found a nice young woman's shoulder to cry on. and then what?
anyway, i know it was told that way to add drama. but if the situation happens to me, i will be pissed at my wife. it shows a lack of trust on her part. and would probably do something that would make her suffer the same way (or maybe not). if its the other way, how would she fell?
solid
You put together a realistic situation and come up with a good solid solution. I can see a lady like DeeDee trying to solve the problem without involving her husband, and having friends help protect her until she's got the harasser by the balls. Although my experience with the harassment laws the way they are written now, her accusation would be taken as gospel by any company, with or without proof. The liability issues a company faces if they don't immediately act on a report of harassment are unbelivable, and I really doubt DeeDee wouldn't have known that.
Keep writing stories like this Jack. Good stories are hard to find.
Very well done story
The story is so very familiar, but that doesn’t take away the fact it is very well done in the Authors own way. Some scenarios have to be forgiven or there is no real way to evolve some plots.
Well-written and very good entertainment
Thank you
PT
Good story Jack
I certainly can't fault you for your writing style. It flows seamlessly. The only gripe I have is your timing on the release. DG's story was still pretty fresh in my mind. It gets kind of confusing at times on which story i'm following. It was a good effort but IMHO you should have let it rest a little respectfully LYG
Anal?
WTF? Why did you insert the anal moment? I knocked of 25 points because of it.
consequences
it was a pretty good story, DG Hear inspired or not.
but there should have been conesquences for her lying for such an extend period. it was stupid and unneeded, and she should be faced with a lack of trust from him from then on.
Loved It
Thanks Jack for a great read. A nice twist near the end.
Great Story
Certainly as good as the story by DG Hear. I think the wife should have confided in her husband earlier since you didn't portray him as a hothead.
Boyd
Impressive Author
First off - there are no new stories here - just small variances plus tone and each authors take or viewpoint on their personalization of a story. Each authors style assures a difference of some sort as occured here. I think too much is being made of it - both DG and you are generally respected and credible authors with strong followings and this is a big pond. Nuff said - I hope.
Jack - wonderful work which proudly resides in your portfolio of accomplishements.
I / we applaud this strong effort and look for more in this vein. It entertained, aroused both + & - emotions - then you brought it home in style with consequence.
Thanks Author - With Very High Regard
Your from England aren't you Jack?
That or from a country in Europe. I say that because a turn of phrase caught me by surprise. You said: "I love you too," I said as she rang off" instead of "I love you too," I said as she hung up." Most american's don't use that phrase, but I work with a few folks from England and they do say that when they talk about someone hanging up the phone.
If that's not the case, intresting way to confuse me >=)
I mention the above because I would like to ask this question as a follow up, if you in fact from England (or european country) do most of the Black folks from there really talk like second class citizens in this day and age?
Normally it doesn't register it if it's not too overtly "blatant", but for some reason I guess when you talked about all the kids from rough neighborhoods (like the main character) I took it at face value all the way up till when you had Yancey speak:
Tha's fine, bossman, but you keep yo' head on straight," he said, finally. (amoung other lines)
I have to wonder, what are you referencing here for your characters personality? Old Gone with the wind movies? What's next his wife calling him at work to comment about her lack of knowledge with "birthing babies"?
You have it set in a more "Modern" day-to-day setting with tiny tape recorders and corporations, but yet you have this guy going on and on like he's from 1896? Wow.
Normally I don't read much into characters unless an author pretty obviously worked hard at made look like "less than literate". This guy's character you worked hard at making him look this way.
_________________________________
Sorry, but I guess that's one, amoung a few, pet peeves of mine and you mananged to work it pretty well. And I have to say that while being from the South, bad grammar is an equal opportunity problem for all races and classes in most southern states. Not just one race of people. It's strange you have someone from the same class perfectly capable of refraining from using the same lines you put up here for Yancey's character to use.
Don't get me wrong. The story wasn't bad. I thought it was actually pretty good. You had a pissed off husband without all the facts talked out of going off half cocked without all the information. And a wife who used pretty good common sense to keep his trust (even though she lied to him pretty heavy to keep him from killing her boss), but even I thought it made sense why she did it. She didn't want her husband to do anything, because she wanted to utterly crush her boss on her own. And if my wife told me that's why she didn't want me to get in the middle I would understand that too.
But the Gone with the Wind characterization of Yancey's character killed it for me.
-Risq
"Lifetime" Channel on Literotica
It was a fun read, by an excellent writer.
Author's response
There have been several comments here that deserve a response, and I'll get to those in a minute.
But first, I have adopted a zero tolerance policy where Harry is concerned, and I wish other writers would do the same. This guy wouldn't know good fiction writing if it slapped him across the face, and heaven forbid if he should ever try to write it, what with the 8th-grade level command of English grammar and the 4th-grade level spelling skills he exhibits in his "comments." Whenever I see his comments appear on one of my stories, he's going straight back to Trollville where he belongs.
Now, I feel better already.
First, to Risq, I am not from England. If you've been paying attention, you'll know I'm from the Deep South. You forget, I went through Katrina. I don't know how the old black men talk in your neck of the woods, but where I live they talk just like Yancey did in this story. That doesn't mean he has any less intelligence or has any less dignity than Doug, that's just the way he was raised to talk in an earlier generation. In fact, I used his vernacular speech to make the point that while his English might sound a little rough and uneducated, his words had plenty of wisdom, and that Doug genuinely valued his opinion.
There were a few comments about the trust issue, where Dee Dee wasn't entirely honest about what she was doing. I thought I made it clear in the story that she regretted that aspect, confessing that it was a mistake, that she should have trusted her husband more. I wrestled with that as a plot development, and decided that it made for an added dramatic effect. Basically, I felt that if Doug knew what was going on ahead of time, the story would lose a lot of its emotional impact.
There was also the comment made that surely Dee Dee would have known that her accusations of sexual harassment would have been taken at face value in today's corporate world, and that's probably true. In this case, however, I drew the CEO as a man from the old school, and she may have felt she needed hard proof. Plus she knew that Henry and Lane were supposedly buddies - golf buddies, as Henry put it - and she may have felt, rightly or wrongly, that she needed overwhelming evidence, both to convince Lane of what was going on and to bury Henry when the time came.
Finally, someone pointed out what he thought was an unbelievable plot twist, where Doug's father wheels himself to the bar for his drinking, arguing that such a thing is not possible. In fact, it is possible. If a person is paralyzed from the chest down, he/she still has use of their arms and can certainly roll a wheelchair or operate a motorized chair three blocks, especially if that person is grimly determined to get somewhere. Now, perhaps one might argue that the unrealistic part of that would be Doug's mom letting her husband drink away his disability checks, but then again, it was pointed out that he was so morose that it was "almost a blessing when he wheeled his way out the door."
I do appreciate all comments, good or bad, as long as they are delivered in a civil manner, and I thank you for reading.
Fine writing
I thought you did an excellent job building up the suspense in your story and enjoyed the way you described Henry's complete demolishment in your conclusion. I also thought it was kind of interesting to note your use of the reverse bigotry in husband's assumption that his inlaws didn't respect him because he was a mechanic after it turned out that his father-in-law was a big fan of his. the Ct. Yankee
Nice Job Jack
Enjoyed the story but you did leave one hole that I think you should have filled. The first trip to NY. Dee Dee explains that on the last trip that "the hotel" screwed up the reservations and put them both in the same room but she never tells us what happend on the first trip. She had lied when she told Doug that she was going to share a room with another female employee on the first trip. Did she spend the night in the same room with Henry on that trip also?
It just felt that something was held back. Dee Dee tried to expalin everything else so why weren't we told about the events of that first trip to NY?
KK
God story
First 100 I have been able to give in a long time.
Thankfully I read KK's post before I did mine - I too am at a loss as to why the information about the first trip to NY was left out.
The trust issue between DD and Doug was a sort of downer, but as a few others said, without it we had no story...
Unfortunately, there was nothing the story told us of Doug's history that would have us think he'd have done physical harm to Henry. We were shown no previous history of violence on his part to allow for DD's paranoia about telling him. Something about that in the story and it may well have been perfect.
Thanks for a great yarn.
since the author didn't tell us,
we have to deduce --- after the story has taken its course and we found out what a personality DD turned out to be, despite her lack of confidence in Dough initially (well, until the end, really!) --- that she likely did not sleep with others.
her father's overwhelming trust and love in her seemed to have instilled in DD a deep sense of loyalty, work ethic, and responsibility to her families (her Dough and her parents),,,, Indeed, she said she did not want to use connection (dropping her father's name to intimidate and to impress others, that she came from an important family) to get her job; nor did she want to advance up the ladders of corporate business because of her father's reputation and connection ----- which turned out to be quite true: Lane did/does know her father (but because DD's personality is such that she never let it be known), and he would have treated her as she would NOT have wanted to be treated, fairly or unfairly (but mostly more fairly than not),,,
this, then, is a character of great intelligence, of studious work ethic, and of a sense of propriety and trust, even if she had wanted to "shield" her husband --- whom she never put down in any way (despite her upbringing), so, again, we, even without the AUTHOR having to spelled for us, must assume she deserves our benefit of the doubt,,,
There is very little new under the sun
jack_straw:
Especially in story writing. what is new is essentially so minor as to go unobserved. What is noticed is that you and a few others (very few) take time to properly develop their characters, establish a plot line, and construct a real story with eroticism put in only when it's called for. There are few authors able to do that and you are one of them. as to the racist remarks, forget them. I went to a high school in Detroit of 5,000 students, 40% were black. In my Naval career a large percentage of my shipmates and not a few of my friends were black. Even today I number blacks among my friends. The average black (male or female) is not as politically correct as your detractors seem to think. Words and phrases used among themselves would make the average PC idiot cringe. If you ain't been there don't bother commenting 'cause your BS won't cut it. Thank You. Ronnie W.
wagon tongue
No criticism----just thanks. It would be presumptuous for me to make any suggestions,so I will just offer my appreciation of this excellent story.
Good work
I enjoyed this and I'm happy it turned out as it did. I agree that the plot required DD to keep this hidden from Doug. All in all, good work - thanks for a good read.
Outstanding
This is the first story I have read on this web site that qualifies as literary art.
You, sir (or ma'am) have talent!
Oh..
That was so good.
I see you've gotten a lot of comments on this story and I don't know what else there is to say. It impressed me. It inspired me.
I'm usually bored with stories that have this little actual sex in them but this one didn't bore me for a second. For the first time on Literotica, I found a story where I actually cared for the characters. They felt real, I could see them and I could feel what they felt. Do you realize how rare that is? I hope you're making your living as a "real" writer, you've got what it takes.
/Hsedo
Great Story
As a few others have pointed out, Dee Dee made a huge mistake in not telling her husband what was going on. Months of suspicious activity? Come on, she is lucky she still has a marriage and he didn't just up and leave her.
Then later on she says he knows her better than to think she would put her job above her family, but that is exactly what she had done for all those months. To the detriment of their family life, their sex life and almost their total marriage. What she put her husband through was forgivable, but damn close to not forgivable.
Well done though Jack, I did like the overall outcome of the story and though he was hurting he was certainly not a wimp.
Too bad though that Henry didn't get a bit more of a physical reminder that Doug was a real man. He deserved it.
Charleybear
I am impressed
Truly loved your effort, very exciting. You had me on the edge of my seat. Keep it up.
Superb!
Thank you for writing about characters with honor and true grit. Sometimes I think it is easy to write about a fallen character filled with flaws who spirals downward and downward. Then it only a matter of when and how they hit bottom.
This story had real romance and realistic action. In today's world no woman has to take being used unless she secretly wants to be used by another. No successful man has to accept a lying, cheating wife for the rest of his life.
Thanks for writing an excellent story! Bravo!!
SleeplessinMD
Somewhat surreal…
The main problem for me is that the story’s key premise of necessary actions to deal with sexual harassment is badly dated. We are not in the 70’s or the 80’s, and the picture of the old school boss and buddies culture as a threat for virtual rapes or crude sexual harassment became in the 90’s and in this decade more rare and definitely more subtle. Any guy in corp world will be aware of the potential of sexual harassment. Suing him and the work place is NOT simply a case of his word vs. hers any more. And the risk of terrible publicity and terrible appearance of impropriety plus internal mandatory procedures alone are deterrents to most blatant threats of the type we have read here. To be sure, there are plenty more forms of gender based discrimination and subtler forms of sexual hostile environment etc, all awaiting to be eliminated but this story seems to be stuck in a different time zone.
I want to premise the second problem with an observation. I may be part of a parallel universe, but in the US where I live, still most harassment cases are not settled by husbands coming out and murdering the accused. To hear the comments of some readers you would think that we are in the 1870’s, and the wife should really fear that her jealous husband would get into the saloon (or the office) and shoot the boss any minute. Get real! Add to this the emphasis on the trusting and strong relations that the author took so much space to build. You would think that the purpose would be to show how a strong couple’s reacts, i.e.- the wife tells her husband about this problem and the husband supports the wife (even if this whole extra documentation was really necessary) in her noble cause of nailing down a thug. So for the author to explain it with the argument of a mistake – it does not add up. It’s not a matter of an intellectual misperception; emotionally she KNEW that they loved and trusted each other, so what’s a mistake has to do with her decision to be secretive?
The third downer is that without pointing to any particular story I have read in this section of LIT. very similar stories. I am not suggesting any inappropriate authorship, just that there is a feeling of I have read this before more than once.
Very good story
The one detail that bothered me [her not telling Doug what she was doing and going through] you addressed in a post and I do think maybe it would be considered wise on her part as Doug might have taken to pounding on Henry's torso! And that could only have been more trouble for them.
Ah, an honest mechanic--certainly sounds good, does it not?
The main characters in the story are all honest people. That's good to start with. The sex was pretty good, too. This is a story of loyalty, love and hard work.
A very good read!!
I missed this when it first posted and I'm glad I looked and found it!!
a comment on the sexual harassment
First, great story Jack. You build the emotions perfectly and do a wonderful job making us care for the characters, and believing in the relationships.
Now, I'm beginning to hate how some writers still use the plot twist of a boss threatening a woman with her job if she doesn't sleep wtih him. I am a standard office worker in this modern business world, and I've ended up in an HR office once for merely failing to look a woman in the eyes. (her accusation was that I was looking at her tits) It doesn't matter how "old school" the CEO is, HR and the lawyers control the situation, and the federal laws are draconian. All Dee Dee had to do to shut Harry down was let HR know that he'd said one single inappropriate statement. He'd have been hauled into the HR office and told in no uncertain terms that if he so much as looked at her cross-eyed, he'd be fired and he permanently would have been taken off writing her performance reviews. Even the slightest appearance of retaliation is an instant termination. (they never let you resign in a sexual harassment termination unless you leave before they decide to terminate you. The risks of losing a civil suit are way to high.)
Also in a case this bad its doubtful that Dee Dee would be staying. The company would probably end up offering a rather sizable compensation package and inviting her to leave simply to avoid later talk about what happened. Office gossip is a powerful fear and companies absolutely will not take chances.
outstanding story!!
Exceptional story and character development--nice job!
Well Done,
Thanks,
Sam
Outstanding story
Superbly told, Jack, thank you. The style is comfortable and this ol' Texan appreciates the grace with which you handled Yancey's vernacular. It's respectful as it should be. The writing here is above average and, if there were any grammatical oopsies, I don't recall them. That in and of itself is almost worth a 100. :)
The characterizations are well-done and the characters richly drawn. I do have to agree with a previous poster's comments re: sexual harrassment in the workplace. The barest whiff of impropriety in the corporate workplace will get you canned lickety split and I had to suspend disbelief to accept that part of the story. It's okay because that's what creative license is all about.
I suppose I would've liked it better if Dee Dee had been up front with Doug about Henry's doings but that would've required a much different approach to the story. It would've been interesting to see him struggle against his obvious need to smash Henry's face into the pavement against her desire to take this cretin down the right way. Who knows? Maybe there's a story there.
You did fine, my man, and excellent fiction this is. This 100's for you, jack_straw, for a story well-told.
Sorry folks this story Flat out sucks
what stoy are you folks reading? This is one of the worst stories Straq has ever written
the story is great well written but with huge holes... and the gaps in it are so fucking huge one can drive a truck thruugh it
we never found out WHY she had to lied to her husband. That he might might kill henry is juts stero type male bullshit
anyone know? I dont think so. For the author to put the husband through that sort of distress with NO explaination by the wife KILLS this story.
Betrayal is Betrayal
This story reminds of me of the shit KK puts out. In KK thw wife does EVERYTHING except have her pussy tkae the other guys's cock. In THIS story the wife like many KK stories does NOT fuck the other guy. Instead her Bos is aggressivelty engaged in over the top and laughable sexual harassment actions on the wife. Face with this she decides NOT to tell her husband for months on end .... and CHOOSES to place the job and the the company as far MORE important than her marriage. Can someone please tell me why the super wimp husbands lover like Alvaron Tohgger too and blue88 Love this story?
Does not work.
The problem is that whatever the reasons she lied to him and let him believe the worst. However noble she might have been, in the end she did not trust him enough. That fact that he now knows she will lie to him and that she does not trust him would, in real life, change the relationship and not for the better. I do not believe a couple could not survive it, or that they might even conciously understand that damage, but it would eat at him and in many ways at her. Just my opinion, but one from a man with a wonderful marriage that will hit 20 years this spring.
It is interesting ...
...how every reader has a single formula for every situation and ONLY THEIRS is the right one! I was bothered by her not telling her husband, until I thought about how much like sour grapes it would have sounded if she had at first told him about the off-color jokes and innuendoes. The lack of sex bothered me, until I thought about the stress she must have been under with the increased workload from a shithead boss; although I'm not a female, I've had bosses who've applied enough pressure that you can't think about anything else. Give me a break, folks! This is a well-written story, with excellent descriptions that are varied enough to keep one interested, and the story is plausible. Some of you don't want to believe that there are any more honest, upright women left in this world; too bad you haven't met any because there are still many of them out there. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places! Great story. Keep up the good work.
come on
If my wife neglected me for her job for months on end she would find herself without a husband.There is no excuse for her behavior and with the current legal climate it was unnecessary.If you don't have honesty,you don't have a marraige!
Entertaining ...
... but not realistic. Unless she's an only child, a down-to-earth girl from a wealthy family is at the bottom of the family's social hierarchy. Exceptions, if they exist, merely test the rule.
Scorecard
Author - 100. Snarky commenters - 0.
She did cheat in NY
A little more reflection by Doug and he will divorce Dee Dee. In the opening, he states that loyalty and trust are his absolute requirements in a marriage.
Even if it can be argued that Dee Dee was loyal to her husband rather than her career, there is the matter of trust. Dee Dee neither trusts Doug enough (as she explicitly stated) nor can she be trusted.
She deliberately lied about Norma and Don accompanying her and Snodgrass on the April trip to New York. Her embellishment that she was staying in the same room as Norma indicates is an attempt to avoid suspicion of her actual untrustworthiness.
Accurately telling Doug that the July trip to New York would be just like the last time, while falsely implying that Norma and Don would accompany Snodgrass and her, was a masterstroke of duplicity. In this, Dee Dee demonstrated that nothing whatever she said could be trusted.
As far as cheating, staying in the same hotel room with her boss, nonwithstanding her claim of "heavy pajamas and bra" and lying to her husband about it, constitutes cheating.
The overnight hotel stay, absent anything else, is sufficient (even if incorrect) evidence of adultery for a fault-based divorce.
Doug will realize that there is certainly not enough trust and probably not enough loyalty for a marriage.
I also think that Dee Dee cheated with Snodgrass on both trips to New York at the very least. The lies about the April trip and the out of character interest in anal sex when she returns makes anal sex with Snodgrass a likely scenario.
Sharing a room with him for two nights in July; her knowledge of his sub-par equipment (she may not have seen what was getting into her in April); her over-explanation of the bra and heavy pajamas (who wears heavy pajamas in July?); and Snodgrass demanding she be "nicer" makes vaginal sex a plausible scenario. The tape could have been for blackmail and the sub-par equipment cause for buyer's remorse.
I agree with she did cheat
Even if she had no actual sex with the man she allowed him freedoms she never should have. She deliberately lied to her husband repeatedly. It was only his message to her thru her staff that forced her hand and made her come home. Perhaps she was being harassed but obviously she was involved in some way. Spending the night in the hotel room with the man was enough to end the marriage in my opinion. It would have been easy enough to have had the hotel arrange her lodging elsewhere, I have had to do that before myself. Nope I am afraid divorce would have to be the outcome of this. Think about how he said she should stay athome with family and she left any way. Getting her evidence was more important to her than her marriage, her family, and finally her husbands trust in her.
what
what a piece of garbage this story is.
Good Take
I accept the story as written. Sure...in the real world she should have brought her husband in at the beginning and saved all the grief and stress that you mentioned she regretted. In the real world; she took a big chance that he could have gone out and done something; thinking that she was cheating on him. He was strong enough to hold off reacting too early, and it all worked out. These commenters just need to accept the story as written and quit trying to change the plot. It was a good story because what they both did worked out well.. Nuff said!
OH MIGAWD!
THIS puta is like all the rest of the fem writers, cain't tell 1 from the udder.
To write that who a person is means her personality and what she is means her character U damned stupid puta. Get it correct the next time U use descriptions lak dat dummy.
Fun story, even if a little far fetched ...
Since I have some experience with the legal system, she did not need very much evidence as this story implied. In most companies, if a hotel made an error in booking, the guy would be sleeping in the lobby or another hotel. Gee, I think that NY City has more than 1 hotel. In fact, should such an event happen, the guy would be an idiot so share the room. Moreover, the hotel's computer system could show that the room was what the man ordered. What was also far-fetched is the months of unnecessary late evenings. Putting thse aside, I really liked the story. I think that it would have taken a while for their relationship to heal, I'd be angry that she didn't share her problems and what she was trying to achomplish. In order to protect her job she put her family on hold, which is a bad move in my opinion. I still give this a 100% for the fine character development and fun story line. Thanks! - Ttom
Darn good story Jack.
Look forward to all your works. Certainly enjoyed this one.
Thanks for sharing it.
XDD
Good Ending
Anyone who complains about this story is a miserable prick.
one
one of the best i've read in three plus yrs!
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