Kinetic

Amazing

A bit of a long read, but still an amazing story. Well worth the read though.

The Best

Love and Sci/Fi combined in one of the best and entertaining stories ever. This is the way literature and literotica should be! GREAT!!!!

...Amazing

This took me most of the afternoon to read, popping in and out... but it was worth every minute. This was a fantastic read, and I hope that you take your writing as far as you can go. This was, with no doubt, the best thing I have read here. One of the better pieces of writing I have encountered, period.

Well done.

Amazing Story

I was amazed by your story. The man as superman has been worked on before, you handled it in an original fashion. Keep on writing, please, you are too good to stop. I will admit the science went right over my head, but that is not to hard to do anymore. Thanks

A stellar achievement......

The use of superlatives would be insufficient; simply the best effort I have seen on the Literotica site.
If you have not tried to get a book deal or engaged a literary agent, by all means do so. Ya got SOME talent. Some editorial work and clean up is in order but a very worthy effort.
The reference to the Heinlein short story, "The Menace from Earth" (flying on the Moon) was particularly appropriate. I was struck by some parallels in prose style to RAH even in the early parts of the novella; you capture pillow talk between characters beautifully as did he.
I hope that you will grace us with additional product but I would stipulate that you should go professional. You have an sparkling perspective on the temptations of power; there is a lot of fertile ground to be explored in that regard.
I chomped this down in one sitting; my eyes will probably never forgive me. I think I will go draw a bowl of warm Visine now. Bonne chance.

Amazzz...ing

I loved it, loved it, loved it... I want more. I always wished as a child to be like supergirl and you have me thinking that it could be a possibility. Isn't that what great writing is about. *claps* to you, ITS GREAT! This is so crazy I actually enjoyed the physics explanations more than the actual romance story going on. And I hate physics. This is the best story I've ever read here or maybe anywhere. Thanks for writing.

Great Story

It's a great story, hope you have more up your sleeve.

Nice fantasy

I really enjoyed this story. It's a nice fantasy and its real nice to see a situation where a person uses the unexpected superpowers for the greater good while expessing at least some anxiety over the ethics of the power. For that alone it deserves full marks.

Another thing I found real interesting was the dynamic between Eric and Melanie. At times I noted a subtext that, despite Eric's powers, Melanie was the dominant member of the pairing. In a lot of ways, Eric seems to be dependent on her in ways she is not dependent on him.

Maybe it was the result of the twisted family and the power games that she grew up in, but you do portray her as having a manipulative and controlling streak. In particular, some of the sex scenes seem to have a slight D/S context.

I think this twist added to the complexity of the story. Melanie liking the control and the dominance but with a subtext of fear over the level of his power. It's like the guy who has a Tiger or wolf as a pet. There is a satisfaction in having dominance over a powerful creature, but there's always the fear that the control will break.

It certainly provides a context to the two year period where they are apart.

Amazing

Absolutely the most engrossing short story I have ever read here. Please continue to write!

Fantasic

Great story. Handled badly, writing about such a large-scaled super ability/power could have been a disaster. But you kept it in proportion and it read really well - top marks.

Unbelievable Fantastic

Absolutely the best story that I have read here. Kudos!!!!
Keep up the superb work.

How do you know what you know?

Your knowledge of the physical sciences, quantum physics, natural sciences, nuclear physics, celestial mechanics, climatology, the medical sciences, astronomy, and every other science I can think of is impressive. I am in awe. What do you do for work?

There is one detail that you missed, while you gave humanity a replacement for the moon, you took away the Lagrange points. L4 and L5 are no longer stable. By changing the mass ratios between the earth and its new moon, L4 and L5 became unstable. If you do not know what I speak, look up Gerald Oneil's book "The High Frontier". Given your knowledge of the sciences, I cannot concieve of you not knowing about the restricted three body problem and it's limits. When the mass of second body reaches 4% of the mass of the main body, points L4 and L5 become unstable.

I thought the story was really good. I hated the anal sex however. I just do not understand how anyone could derive pleasure from sodomy. Especially the one on the receiving end.

From all the stories in literotica, this is the best i've ever read yet. I really read it through the end in one sitting. The story is just so interesting and makes me want to study sciences. Your story is an inspiration to my academic life and my spiritual life. Kudos and 10 thumbs-up. A real inspiration.

Simply fantastic

Wonderful in scope and fantastic character development. There are so many ways this story could have gone wrong (and similar stories have in other hands). The writing was excellent, easily readable and compelling. I had to tear myself away to make a birthday party and couldn't wait to come back and finish.

Some Praises and Criticisms

Science fiction has always been my favorite genre. This is, for this kind of format (free and not-readily appreciated), very well written. Indeed, very ambitious.

Indeed, this IS THE FIRST SCIENCE FICTION I've ever read here, because I saw the tremendous work put into it...

So, yes, first and foremost, congratulations, author.

Now, on to the story-criticism. First, on one of the last things towards the very end of the story (because it still is fresh in my mind):

For a "God-"like figure --- someone who could zap around, mentally, physically, who cares! --- to be doing penny stock picking, buying at 1.7 cents a share, selling at $3.50 or so a share, it's utterly ridiculous!

It makes no sense.

Similarly, for someone, some power, who's able to build, destroy, or move/rearranged celestial objects and their gravitationally driven trajectories ---- it is ridiculous they would have a need to speed read Buddhism, science, medicine, as well as doing penny stock trading.

For someone that powerful, that omnipotent, obliterating cancerous cells from a dying boy or girl's body is not even that important or needed!

For someone, some power that omnipotent, with that kind of mental/supernatural power ---- they could easily go through the DNA's of all homo sapiens and "straighten out" the tiny genetic "defects" that will eventually give them sickness,,,, assumning cancerous cellular activity is an inherently negative phenomenon, having no unadvertent benefits in all of its permutations, which can be easily mapped out by such a mind in the first place,,,,

If you could move celestial bodies in the heavens, essentially what you are able to do is to MANIPULATE GRAVITY, the STRONG and WEAK forces, and ELECTRO MAGNETISM --- and possibly other natural phenomenal which humans, at this infancy state of their development, have not been able to deduce --- like we today are able to manipulate ELECTRICITY, to make it "work for us" so we don't have to carry everyting on our backs.

In fact, that comparison (that analogy) ought to be utterly silly! There actually should be NO RELEVANT comparisons, which that kind of power/knowledge/ability!

For that kind of power/knowledge/ability, one --- if they are still aware of thesmlves as being a "person" --- ought to be in the process of transforming and manipulating space-time, building "worm holes" across the vast distances across both known and unknown universes, answering questions about the beginning and end of space-time and beyond, terraforming thousands of planets, and transporting any and every group of conflicting human beings to wherever the hell they wanna go, to live by themselves, with all the space, raw material, and beauty they ever want, with NO COMPETITION WHATSOEVER from NOBODY, within light years!

That is, as little "side projects."

Again, with that kind of power/knowledge/ability, why play penny stocks?, which are total nonsense.

I love good science fiction --- and this is a decent one, for this format --- but more comprehensive pictures have to be painted.

You can't be traveling acorss light years in distance in the universe, stoping planetary movements and spinning them in reverse, etc., and THEN tell us you have a broken toe-nail and, it hurts like hell, because you've forgotten to cut it; or that there's no lady in the office who's been giving you the eye and she has a killer body! They don't ain't gonna go together!

When or if you're that powerful, that knowledgeable, that omnipotent ---- power and knowledge and ability which are NOT LEARNED but simply manifest in your being for NO APPARENT reason but which you are able to control --- again, why bother with penny stock trading, with jealousy, loneliness, hunger, Buddhism, medicine?,,,,, when ALL are really, utterly irrelevant,,,

Anyway, again, don't take offence.

I love good science fiction; and this one is very decent and the amount of time invested in it is very commendable! I'm simply saying don't count DUST in a room, even if you had speed of light or beyond, when you could be terraforming 1,000 planets the size of Jupiter or engineering a "ring world" around a mighty sun, which will never go supernovae, because you've taken care of its thermal nuclear processes!

Last word: Science fiction needs to be more like SCIENCE and less like MAGIC. For example, when some very power individual, like the character here, says they are able to stop planetary perturbations, change rotational axes of moons and planets, etc., I like them to EXPLAN the MECHANISM to me and not just say, "Oh, I wave a magic and they all full into places"!

Mentioning a few techincal words and phrases like newtons, kilo-newtons, etc., and how many giga-newton (power) it takes to move a celestial the size of the Earth's moon, is NO EXPLANATION! Such figures are easily done --- in reality, with no more than a few punch in a $5.00 calculator, that is, with a few ridiculous suspensions of beliefs.

If you gonna tell me you can cancel out gravitational effects, move mighty celestial objects, etc. I want you to explain to me how far off, or how close they are, 21st century theoretical physicists are about things like, say, the HIGGSFIELD and how it play (or does not play) a part in the very construction of what we call, perhaps naively, "the fabric of reality," etc., etc., etc.....

The author replies

Thanks to all for your interest and comments. I'd like to reply to one point several have raised. With all his abilities, why did Eric bother to maintain an unassuming identity within his society? The answer to this is the main theme of the story, that all the force and power in the universe (cleverly represented in the story by Newtons and Watts, lol), can not solve the problems at the frontier of the human soul. There is no substitute for acceptance.

wow man!

that was a really long story there! took me 3 hrs to read it all carefully.

i like the plot a lot. nice going!

-lw

Very good story!!

I really liked your story!

Ain't physics and sex wonderful?

Very very nice job. Well worth the read.

man i loved and enjoyed the thinking u dind and ho

man i loved and enjoyed the thinking u did and how used ursknowledgeto do it. It was no random shit every thing got a base for it .....

Loved it

I loved everything about your story, and I honestly wish and beg you to write more about these characters and Eric's abilities as a god.

OMFG!!

this is one of the best stories on here passonate with a twist long but with a story line very good over all bravo!! plz continue to write such fantastic stories!!

Awesome

What a great read! It flows so well I couldn't stop until I finished the whole thing. Very thought provoking personal relationships and fascinating science (which was a little deep) I am amazed to find such talented writing on this site and hope you continue.

Amazing!

Absolutely brilliant! There are some wonderful stories on here, but this is absolutely the best I have ever read on this site. The perfect mix of everything. The story is so thoughtful and provoking. I do hope we'll be reading a sequel to this sometime in the future. With the ending you gave, the possibilities are limitless!

Fine Work

An excellent story. Well crafted and told. Thank you.

The one problem with the story was the ending. I am not for drugs, and anything to help people with their problem is great. Unfortunately you have just destroyed dentistry (Novocaine is a cocaine derivative) and I don't believe that any morphine derivatives have been synthesized (codeine among others). So your world is literally going to feel a lot of pain about his stand on drugs.

Other than that a fine job. I'll keep an eye on your work.

makes me want to go to university

this story makes me want to go to university and study physics... but i think i'll just stick to the guitar. absolutely superb writing! loved it. took me two nights... but couldn't keep my mind from it. you could get that shit published!
jamie.

Great!

Superb writing. Publishable. Just can't help wondering why you posted it on a web site dedicated to sex stories. Very little sex in it.

wow...

what the hell are you doing writing this on literotica?!?
i couldnt stop reading!!
if you flesh this out, you've got a NYTimes Bestseller here
seriously, this is INCREDIBLE

Words escape me...

Wow, you've amazed me again. I don't know what to say except what the heck are you doing writing this here?! You must get published, your stories are amazing. I think the fact that I've spent 4 hours reading this speaks for it's self.

Ditto to most of the above

Love this story, and it's exploration of "power corrupts".
50+ years of reading SF and studying science continues to point out our need for HERO's to wisely use what is being discovered. Literotica has a lot of examples of "anything goes"; I very much enjoy the stories with love and respect between the charactors, Thank you for this great story.

Superb

I once had the chance of reading this story on Eroticstories.com, but never got the courage (or time) to post before the story got sealed away in the archives. This is one of the best romance stories I have ever read in my entire life. It has a great amount of detail on the scientific quotient. If you made the story a little less racy, and fleshed it out more, you could get this published pretty easily. Granted, this might not fit the standard Science Fiction story guidelines for getting published, and what with the dates in it being a little, you know, dated, that might be a little difficult without changing the story around. But like I said, an excellent story, I would suggest this to just about everyone (even me grandmum, even though she wouldn't like the sex part of it.)

Couldn’t stop reading

I started reading this story last night at around 7pm. I read until 10pm then went to bed. I then got up extra early (530am) to finish it. This is one of the best stories I have read in years. I agree with some of the other posters you should be published this would make an awesome novel. Great story!!!

Amazing

I truly enjoyed this novel. This goes way beyond erotica. Truly in a class by itself.

Cheers.

Bravo

well first off you really should publish this, its amazing that a story on a site dedicated to erotic stories would have me siting eyes glued to the screen for the better part of 2 hours. heck i even have a kink in my neck oww.

while i'm not a regular to this site, i have come across two stories this night that are extremely fascinating. i wish to applaud you for this brilliant piece of literature.

Saphine.

Deep, entertaining and insightful

With a little nerdiness built in for the rest of us.
It is great how all your characters are well defined. I see this as a mini series on prime time tv. I have already recomended it to a number of people in the industry to look at. Start working on your 5 minute pitch.

Best story!!!!!

Wow!!!! i love this story...... wonderfull... any sequal????

Thanx,

Thank you!

Words absolutely fail me to capture how amazing this story is. It was incredible to finally see something other than mindless sex - real people with souls and minds who actually stop to think about the ramifications of their actions (or who grieve and reflect when they neglect to stop and think). The growth and development the characters underwent, the twisting and healing of their natures... You must have suffered yourself to understand and capture it so well. And yet, as I have learned, suffering can produce a beauty that unmarred perfection can never attain. Thank you for writing this. I feel like a piece of my soul has been healed or rediscoverd. Truly, thank you.

Amazing

Words alone cannot describe how real that story was to me.....You made it seem like it was actually posible....maybe it is, somehow, someway. Pure genious. Thank you, it was truely a pleasure reading it.

Open To Possibilities

Absolutely wonderful story!! It took me three days to finish because, of course life, got in the way lol. You have given me a lot to think about, and some seriuos question that I need to ask and answer of myself. Thank you so much.

I wish there was more than 5 stars to give,

I'm lost for words. Not only is this a remarkably hot story with arousing love scenes and imagery, but a great story that kept me reading for Four hours straight. I love this story will probably lose several more hours reading it again.

Best, Hands Down

I've read many stories on Literotica, and this is by far the best. I'm surprised to see this quite low on the Top Sci-Fi/Fantasy toplists, i would have expected it within the top 5 at the worst. Keep writing!

amazing

wow, i cant believe that i found a piece of erotic literature this fascinating and well written. You could make a career with writing.

Wow.....

Absolutely EPIC story! Sex, tech and Trek - what more could you want?!

Long as it was, it was very enjoyable - erotic without being sex-driven, geeky without being too mindblowing, happy and sad - brilliant!

omfg 5\/\/33+!1!

completely epic! not quite as good as your countries/tessaract/justice trilogy, but still extremely good! It also potentially opens up for the story of planet X and what happened 8000 years ago to the last 'kinetic'.


and yes, i know my '1337' in the title is kinda corny. sorry.

Absolutly fantastic!

Thank you so much for giving us this story. It's gripping, thought provoking and sexy; everything erotic fiction should be, and easily the best I have ever read.

You have no idea how long I've spent trawling different sites for interesting stories.

In terms of personal preference I would have preferred Eric to be a bit freer with his sexual explorations... but I can see why you wrote it the way you did.

Thanks again.

Awesome

amazing! i'm getting of sick of reading poorly-written, plotless stories on literotica, this really was a pleasant surprise. the ending though, while still good, isn't the same high standard as the rest. after all that time having the characters act cautiously and consider their actions, it felt a little like you ended the story as you did for the sake of going out with a bang. "What the hell" as explanation for swapping the moon with two other planets? the ending was also a little difficult to understand... by all this i don't mean to pick holes in the story, it really is a fantastic work and you should think about publishing. but think about re-working the ending a little if you do?

Unique and creative

This is one of most interesting scifi stories I've read. I love how you explain his abilities in terms of the physics involved. (I love physics!) The story was really good too. Great job!

You should write a book

I am very serious. I have read your other stories too and they are great just like this one.

Annoying to a very slight degree

I only have one criticism. You are obviously very intelligent, and yet, the " global warming " farce still has you baffled. Plants breath carbon. We are made of carbon. The planet produces carbon. I hate to bring real world issues to a literotica post, but I feel it needed to be said. Please don't take offense. All in all, a GREAT, well thought out story with amazing quality of structure.

A bit heavy on the al gore

A bir heavy on the "al gore - the world is in dee8p carbon"... but this is scifi. Good work, keep it up!