Kinetic

fantastic

wOOt this is undoubtably one of the best stories i've read all year, even including published books etc :) you're talented at writing, but your themes struck a chord in me. i particularly loved how you explored the relationship between Eric and Melanie; it was very inspiring and touching. very refreshing compared to most literature on this website.

the development of eric's abilities was just the awesomest thing ever :) and very intelligently and maturely dealt with.

i look forward to reading more of your writing!

Great stories

You truly are a great author. Your erotic sections are good, but your storytelling is what's truly captivating. Thanks for sharing your gift.

I wasn't actually smart enough to understand...

... this entire story, but it was a finely written piece. Smart people should definitely give this story a shot.

Try going mainstream

You should seriously consider publishing this, after a bit of hard editing, in the mainstream SF area. Analog magazine maybe.

excellent story

Nice blend of a solid storyline and incredible sex!
I had to read the whole story in one shot
Very well done!
thank You

Over all an excellent story. It was extremely well written and kept my interest.

Every story has it's strengths and weakness' and what is perceived as a weakness will vary from reader to reader.

To ME the weakness of this story was the moralistic whining over the death of three despicable human rats. Sorry, but Hammingbyrd wrote them as human rats and it's no challenge to believe they deserved death.

@ KublaiKhanIII: Shame, shame. After insulting the author's intent to keep his main character morally based and have him pursue small interests for the only the joy of it, discrediting his intent for the character to remain human and become involved with emotional triviolities, screaming your objections in ALL CAPS, that you DARE to say "take no offense?" This is one occassion where I wish anonymity were not permissible and I can deliver a well-deserved *smack* to your head.



That being said, I want to thank the author. I will be a fan for many years to come. I'm a bookworm and never have I been so enthralled by literary talent. Your stories, err... books, are written with more imagination and honesty than most in the world. I read "The Preacher Man" prior to this piece. With my busy work schedule, it took more than a week to read. I will never regret a moment of it.

Please, consider publishing your pieces and create a mailing list so your many fans will be prepared to storm the bookstores when the moment arrives.

If I start publishing on Literotica, my username will be PewterRose (or jbblue48089). I may as well register now, before someone else has the chance.

Utter Enjoyment

I start off looking for a cheap thrill, but you completely surprised me with this work of art. I thoroughly enjoyed the content of this story and hope that your others are as enjoyable if not moreso.

Magnifacint

I could have done with a few less technical terms,but on the whole,one of the Best stories,bar none, that I've ever read.
Please continue to grace us with your literary Genius!!!

amazing

Loved it! The geeky calculations and measurements, as well as other scientific details were a great touch :)


a few notes though:


The thing with the copy of the Solar system and turning Earth and Mars into binaries got a tad confusing though....


And having Milkyway only having two human level civilizations, with one of them already gone, was kinda a downer, and not even traces of previous life in Mars? I would expect at least a few more civilizations, even if they aren't there anymore and all thas left is dim garbled radio or a few ruins...




Btw, why did he not even try to evaluate the possibility his sphere also extended in time (seeing past and/or future and influencing things there) ?



Oh, and another thing, billions of years? He didn't even considerd the real guy named Jesus about 2 thousand years ago might have had a similar gift, perhaps with a different rate of evolution of each aspect?

oh, one last thing

i forgot to say this on my comment; though it was a strong emotion fuelled reaction, making people just blink out of existence was quite a bland punishment, if i was in his place i might have done things that make the worse scenes in the Hellraiser movies look like saturday morning Disney cartoons

Encore??

MAKE A EPOILOG

reader

I'm glad you had the character take the high road for self preservation. Personally after taking a blow like that I would never have be able to return to earth and probably winked out of existance in half a year. However I did find that after two years that came back together so quickly it was rather had to believe. Over all excellent story and I nominate as well again you should have your entire collection of short stories published it would make a fantastic book.

Thanks

Just found this and had to read it in one sitting. A great read, wish it continued.

Amazing.

Simply Amazing. Huge potential for a novel there (would have to scale down on the sex of course)

Doubt

It rambles in the middle but finishes perfectly and succinctly, yet with feeling. I love the story, and, I am a huge fan. ;-]

Loved it.

I wish that you would continue the story.

Well this is the second of your stories I've read, after Preacher Man, and I have to say, you deliver the best plots I've read on this site. The sheer detail and creativity of your stories is astounding. Having said that, my biggest criticism is your characterisation and sex scenes.

I'll start with the sex scenes. It may just be a matter of wording, but your sex scenes always come off as very awkward and clinical. You do a LOT of tell and very little show. For example, you have your characters describe their actions as sexy instead of just leaving it to the reader's imagination. I noticed this in Preacher Man as well.

Your characterisation is also a bit of a disappointment. At no time did I feel either Melanie or Eric were 'real'. Their interaction felt very artificial. I think this is a consequence of the plot heavy style you have though. Your stories are primarily about their plot and as such, you spend too little time actually developing the character. Ultimately, they come off as robotic and clunky.

Overall, an excellent story, but, as with Preacher Man, I felt it was let down by the above flaws.

Great

This was truly a great work of fiction. The complexity and detail in the plot is honestly levels beyond what most writers of short stories here or elsewhere can hope to match. Read it all in one sitting, and only had minor qualms with the story, my biggest being how easily Eric went back to Melanie. I understand on some level how its a love story, and people would be disappointed not to see them together to the end. Also most writers on Literotica have an unhealthy infatuation with happy endings (I've read many stories, but only a small handful have tragic or shocking plots, and even less stick with that theme to the end). But yours was too well written for me to be seriously distressed over it. Thanks for the fantastic read, I think i'll tackle The Preacher Man next, though probably not in one sitting as I did with this one.

Why did they hate Melanie?

Maybe I'm just thick and missed the reason her parents hated her. What happened when Patty was four years old. Did her parents set Patty up with the shop lifting thing? This was a good story and I quite enjoyed it but, I hate unanswered questions.

WOW

This is by far the best story I have ever read. If u ever become an author, I'm buying ur books. If u have no plans to become an author, I'd advise u to reconsider. Excellent.

Time flies by

started reading this story somewhere around 1900 MEST, now it is 0330, just couldn't stop reading, I only can repeat one comment: consider to become a full-time author. Even if you left some blanks and unexplained threads in the story, it was amazing and wonderfully detailed. I only can agree, it definitely is one of the best stories here at lit if not the best.

Thank you so much for this brilliant story and hopefully there will be more similar ones over the time

Exquisite...

This is one of my all-time favorite stories but I just have to mention the final page or so where Eric cancelled out the psychotropic and other such effects of plants saying "Earth's lunatic days are over..." I think Mars and the moon suddenly disappearing to be replaced with Earth-like planets in the blink of an eye would cause more crazy than any amount of crack or meth.

meh...

kept waiting for it to get better. Wish I hadn't wasted my time now =(

Of course I could not begin to halfway understand over 95% of it...

Since I was unable to understand Statistics but enjoyable reading. I think you could publish, too. Of course, I thought it was too long but only because I could not understand it. Melanie's parents got what they deserved.

buying at 1.7 cents a share

and selling at $3.50 looks like an ideal way to have documentation for having an extra $3 million in your possession. He is sitting on a lot of value that needs to be legitimized

WTF SO GOOD

what is your point with literotica whe your stories match up to the best of books i have read...
and that is ALOT
J.K. Rowling is not even up to your standards ad se is famous because she actually published i am afraid someone will steal your works should you not fully solidify them in the great classics of science fiction
not everyone reads here and keeping your work here is like eric letting the world stay like it is dirty and dying
it is almost selfish even you must see thesecomments for i have seen your replies
the few things anyone can pick out that are wrong with it are minor details or manners of preference which do not truly effect a story like this and could be changed without even disrupting the plot

10/10 Repeatability

I don't know how many times I've read this. I've read it a few years back and I'm still (re-)reading it today. This story is one of the most... wait, the best story I have ever read. There were moments when I wanted more conflict in the story but, eventually, when I'm done reading - the amount of conflict is just right. Also, I wished it was longer and, though depth had no problem, I wanted it longer and deeper. I hope you can make this into a short story book - no revisions, no edits, just a few typographical errors (counted less than five, which is an excellent amount of errors and better than anything I've read [read a lot] ) EXCELLENT READ. And I know, in a few months, I'll be reading this story again. Your story never expires.

Everybody Else Has Already Said It,

but I doubt if you will mind if I add to the accolades :) Damn good job bud. It is nice to read some real science fiction for a change. Reminds me a little of Doc Smith and the Lensmen.

Thanks, Lynn

Top Quality Wordsmithing

An extremely well constructed story - very publishable.
A few spelling mistakes but easily editable.
I found myself skipping the technical details of the 'upgrades' in his abilities, I feel you may have gone too far with these.
It seemed you may have got bored by the end as there was no reason given as to why he decided to replace the moon with another earth, the last tow sections seemed rushed.
A 'god' should care about individuals so medical treatments for individuals is important. As is share transactions that justify a large influx of funds.
Robert Heinlen is very comparable.

Considerations...

hammingbyrd, I've read a few of your stories here on literotica, and the one thing that really stays with me is the narrowness of your approach to writing. A few basic themes which I have encountered and expect to encounter should I read more of your work are 1) theoretical science in which our current science--the only science we have any conclusive evidence in support of at this time--is hypothetically trampled on, 2) a focus on limited perspectives--such as in this story, it occurs that it might have been produced a nice and thought-provoking ending to switch perspectives to the other people of Earth; 3) a combination of what seems to be a strong faith in one God, and yet a continued (unexplained and, as I think, unjustified) bias against "religious extremists," which I will admit irks me personally as well as on a intelligent level. Beyond common themes, however, there is the routine treatment of your characters. Yes, there are differences, but to me they are all seeming as the same type of person--perhaps comparable to having your foils be similar to your protagonists, and as to your villains--well, rarely do I get the idea that they are human, that they are dynamic (not that this is necessarily a bad thing).
Thus much said, this was an interesting story to read, but (despite, I think, the numbers and technical details) it seems more like a pure flight of fancy than hard science fiction.
I do not know how this is going to look to you should you read this. I consciously hope to give you my honest opinion and evaluation; I hope that you can use my criticism to improve your work. Thanks,
-A previous commenter and interested party

Considerations...

I'm also curious--why would such power be latent within humans? It seems to be an important question that you didn't answer.

Khan sure is long-winded...

Superb story! I couldn't pull myself away until I finished reading it.

As for Mr. Khan's comment, Even Superman has his Clark Kent because he can't just interact with everyone as Superman all the time, plus Eric needed money he could explain for mortgage, tuitions, etc., so why not penny stocks? After all, you can't expect people to believe you're lucky enough to find old coins all the time, now can you? My take on the penny stock was that he bought the cheapest stock he could find, then "salted" the mine, which made it LOOK like he was extremely lucky but was actually an act of philanthropy that made a lot of other people besides him rich. Am I right?

Playing God?

"Am I playing God?" No... you're just a democrat!

best of the best

doesn't get better than this. fascinating story. started this morning and read straight through to the end. thanks!

Quite Disappointed.

There is something to be said about a man that holds tremendous God-like power, yet he himself lacks any kind of real strength of character. And I am NOT talking about his reluctance to use his powers for personal gain, though that in itself is an indirect indicator. Your character is, plain and simple, a wimp. And something like that does NOT go hand in hand with God-like powers.

Oh, don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with a man professing his undying love to a woman. But doing it in such a way that it seems almost theatrical time and time again, and again, is something I have never encountered in any man, and quite frankly, is pathetic. Take, for instance, the scene when he confessed to Melanie that her sister showed herself (near) naked to him, after which Melanie took it out on him later that night by brutally jerking him off. And what did he do? He behaved like a submissive. He allowed her to do it, all the while feeling both physical pain and shame. And in the end? He whimpered.

And that's when we come to the sex. There is also something to be said about an erotic story in which main protagonists profess their undying love to each other, promise to wait on each other, only for the scene of their first sex encounter to be completely skipped. Interesting. Considering the fact that this story took quite a bit of time (including both pages of the story, and the passing years within the plot) to get to the sex scenes, I had expected that it would be some kind of wild "finally" kind of sex adventure. Like I said - quite disappointed. But I suppose it was to be expected, considering the personality weakness of the main character. I just don't understand how I couldn't foresee it earlier as I was reading. I guess that the scientific part was the thing that kept me entertained enough to disregard it.

And yes, when it comes to scientific part, there is also something to be said about that. Though I did not come here to undermine any of the theories, or scientific fictional theories in this story, I will say that people DON'T like to read of physics formulas for kinetic energy and power. Even I don't like to read of it, and I am an engineer. Are you aware that people don't have any idea what you're writing about, and that they certainly don't care? What I say is true. You figure if you wan't to do something about it and improve.

[Sigh] I'm sorry to see that an idea with much potential was lost to numerous failings, the greatest of them all being your main character. I am glad that I've happened upon a comment from another reader who said that he has read most of your works and that your characters tend to be similar; now I know I won't be reading any of those stories. So if I won't read them, why this long rant, you wonder? Well, read the first sentence of this last paragraph again. Yeah. That.

Venus

Is there a way to terra-form Venus, with god like powers? If you can create planets, you should be able to put a sun light filter in place for Venus. Or I suppose a Dyson ring or sphere for earths orbit around the sun

very good

i liked it a lot. but I kept wondering will they ever have kids of there own like there sister patricia.

Pretty good story fuck you anonymos with the title quite disappointed

there is nothing wrong with a man loving his woman or being submissive to her once in a while
in my opinion relationships should be about equality not about one dominating the other
Relationships are about respecting one-another and being truthful
I really appreciate the effort of the author
the story is pretty good

ahh...

Had me rubbing my lobes in desire and fancy!

Wow... serious piece of work.

Great effort, kept me engaged and entertained. Were there things I'd have done differently?... Sure, but I have to give kudos for the level of effort and imagination that went into this. I'm often stunned by the amount of anonymous comments sniveling over petty little shit. IT'S FREE PEOPLE!! If you don't like it, go buy a fu*ckin book! Awesome work H... really.

Very different

This is a good story and it was a good read

What a lovely What-if

What if god had an autistic disorder :-). I enjoyed this story and enjoyed dreaming about such power