In obedience to convention I'll start with the criticism: The sex seemed a little detatched and clinical. Maybe it's a case of telling rather than showing.
Which perhaps really shouldn't be a problem--your writing is sensational in the first two-thirds of the story. I loved the warm, reflective, and very real thoughts the heroine has.
English
Excellent writing
In obedience to convention I'll start with the criticism: The sex seemed a little detatched and clinical. Maybe it's a case of telling rather than showing.
Which perhaps really shouldn't be a problem--your writing is sensational in the first two-thirds of the story. I loved the warm, reflective, and very real thoughts the heroine has.
Keep up the good work.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Needs or
More submissions by catalinaleon.