It's very pure and sweet, finally there's this sweet communication between them. I really liked that naive sort of display between a young couple.
However the story was very short and him cuming onto her stumach was quite redundant for such an "innocent" item.
Next time keep your style, just make the story longer and try to keep it romantic. You did good, even the forplay was adorable, but the climax seemed to be from another story... sorry!
by
Anonymous12/27/08
Good but needs some work
One of the better vampiric romance stories I've read involing a human being turned into a vampire but I feal that you could add a little more emotions/feelings
English
cute
It's very pure and sweet, finally there's this sweet communication between them. I really liked that naive sort of display between a young couple.
However the story was very short and him cuming onto her stumach was quite redundant for such an "innocent" item.
Next time keep your style, just make the story longer and try to keep it romantic. You did good, even the forplay was adorable, but the climax seemed to be from another story... sorry!
Good but needs some work
One of the better vampiric romance stories I've read involing a human being turned into a vampire but I feal that you could add a little more emotions/feelings
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Together Forever or
More submissions by AriaSilverfyre.