- All
Comments (3) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
What happened!!
You weren't kidding when you said this was an earlier effort. It lacks the sheer descriptivenes of the she's...be a star series.
This needs serious re-writing with at least a standard level of descriptivenes, and more continuity- right now the story just randomly bounces around. Maybe it is due to the missing chapters that were lost when your computer crashed.
But I seriously expected much superior work from you.
-A loyal fan
Excellent feedback!
Thanks EVERYBODY for the comments! The level of feedback has been great.
The early chapters are indeed the result of a LOT of cutting (they were uncommonly slow and wordy). I'm not surprised there are some continuity problems; I was hoping they would work more as vignettes. The latter half of the 'book', as Carol gets more depraved, were written in one piece, and move more smoothly.
16 chapters total. I know every chapter won't be a home run. But thanks for reading, and thanks for the feedback!
great story
it break's my heart that this story has to end. carol is such a perfect creation-sexy, witty and fun. i want to follow her around in her future adventures. it would have been sexy to read about Carol once again returning to her dad's workmates for an evening or afternoon of adventures.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Carol Ch. 06 or
More submissions by flinchny010.