homeGroup SexUnforgettable Sexual Encounter Ch. 02Public Comments

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Unforgettable Sexual Encounter Ch. 02

byuvlas45©
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by Anonymous

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by bigrimmstales11/11/07

slowly, slowly...

..and again, slowly. I liked much of what you have written, but please, please, please sort out the grammar. In the first paragraph you committed the cardinal sin of excessive repetition. ie. you put the same word/adverb over three times. Hence the title of these comments. Try to use a thesaurus and find synonyms for the word you want to use repeatedly.e.g. tardily, (possibly even)languidly, with an easy pace slithered her hand...etc etc. IT's a common problem in the writing on this site, but using different words (i.e. not repeating a key word in the same para or sentence) makes and keeps the reader's attention.

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by Anonymous05/10/08

Hard to read

Your story was very difficult to follow... I would recommend having some check it for spelling and to make sure it makes sense.

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