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Nice twist, but...
Amusing, but far from your best. I always get excited when I see your name of the 'new stories' list. This just isn't one your stories that I'll read over and over, like so many others.
Nigel Tufnel
love it
short and very plausible scenario.
more readers would like it to be longer w/ a more dramatic revenge. i like the way the husband was portryed. confident and a positive thinker. after all, he is supposed to be a very successful person.
THIS DOG DON'T HUNT # 23
This work is far below this author's usual high standard.Inspite of this fact,it is far above the usual drivel that is usual in this category; hence, the high grade!This author has as much ability or more than the best of the rest.It is a shame that sufficient effort was not put into this story.Usually,Harddaysknight's characters are lifelike and interesting.You are able to have empathy for their situations.This is not the case here.Usually,this author has so many wonderful sub-plots that the story could have many off-shoots.His recent work JULIA is such an example.This work relies on far too much summary rather than careful development.Perhaps, Harddaysknight should consider returning to his series from the Beattles songbook?
The great authors such as Harddaysknight and Winterfrog are uniques.Winterfrog's vitality and strength of character are his alone; unmatched,supreme.The same is true of Harddaysknight.His many layered plots and sub-plots are very similar to the work's of James Clavelle and Mario Puzo.Yet they are ,altogether his!An apt analogy that would express my feelings for this would be as though the great artist Rembrandt started to work for Walt Disney.His work would be great but in the end it would still be a cartoon.
story makes no sense
at first, it sounded sophisticated, with all kinds of err sub-plots, wit, cards up the sleeves, etc.
but ultimately the story makes no sense. (don't tell me it's only a story; i already know that. my job as a reader is to gauge the credibility of a story...)
a woman, who spend some twenty years being faithful, smart, dedicated, motherly, and a loving wife all, within a few days, a few weeks, or a few months --- during a time when the husband was being "investigated" because there's rumors that he's likely to be promoted to some heavy duty position within his company --- all of a sudden she fucking the INVESTIGATOR who "came across" her and who told her, eventually, he's invesgitating her husband of some 20 years and she said, "Wow, let's fuck and tell me what you've found on that bastard husband of mine"?
and they made a pack to deceive the husband, laughing how clever they were in sexual acts and in fooling him, both inside and outside of his own home?
but, get this!, in reality, HE had already got wind of such treachery and was just making sure they dug deeper holes for themselves? and, ta-da, dear wifey, you may think I was the biggest fool you've married to for over 20 years,,,, but I just found out YOU are really that fool?
i'm sorry to say, it's complete nonsense, dear good author...
now, if you had given me some 5 to 10 pages of meticulous characterization, plot trajectory and permutations, etc., so that I know the goodness and dark secrets of both husband and wife, as well as those of their friends and business assoicates and potential lovers,,, covering a substantial time period,,,, and I know each character was very capable of both deep love as well as ugly hatred and they're just waiting for the dark, dangerous winds which would propel them one direction or another,,,,, THEN it'd make sense...
but not this one page ta-da magic trick, with the end result with the wife sobbing unconsolingly in the arms of her parents, while the husband, kids, and the paternal grandparents looking sad and mystified as to why this seemingly very honourable mother, wife, and daughter in law of theirs has been FUCKING like a dog here in this very floor they are now standing in, just days ago, mocking the very husband with whom she had raised some good kids
total nonsense, really
As usual, I like it
HDK works hard to come up with different twists to the cheating wife genre. He almost always succeeds. It amazes me to read these negative comments about a well-written, amusing, and original story. Almost no cheating wife stories from other authors meet all three of those criteria, and many don't meet any of them.
Mostly, HDK strives for originality. Some people are expecting Peyton Place or the like when HDK is just playin' with words. And playin' well.
Great, as usual.
Good job
I had to laugh while reading this. Knowing HDK through his many stories, I had to suspect the V.P. Even so, it was a good read - I only wish that it was longer, more detailed. There's a lot of material here for a more intricate tale. My thanks to the author.
my response, redux
and by the way, the anon guy who suggested that HDK return to the Beatles songbook:
Where do you think he got "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite?"
Has anyone here heard of Sgt. Pepper?
Anon: your literary opinions are about as impressive as your knowledge of Beatles music.
great, but maybe a little more
This story is great and it's in the tradition of the author. However, hardaysknight could have provided more detail to make it even more interesting. With his sense of humor that really would have be an extra. I guess that it isn't too late though, and I figure that a writer like HDK can develop a longer story from this short tale.
RAG
Fun story to read!
I really enjoyed reading this. As I was going
through the story I had the idea that it would
great to have the lover be the investigator.
Then you tricked me and did what I was thinking
about. I figured he had set up his own
surveillance.
What you did was better though - and the
retirement funds was a great add-on.
Way to go!
Regards, DJ
Thou doth protest too much, methinks
As always, the author's writing is excellent, but to me the twist in the plot was pretty evident.
Too much time and effort was used to put the security guy into the case and to explain why he was taking such a personal interest that you almost have to suspect that he is involved with the wife. It's like the person who injects themselves so forcefully into a crime investigation that you have to take a hard look as to why he/she is so interested in the case.
The suprise in this story to me would have been if the security guy wasn't involved with the wife.
Enjoyed the story but not the author's best effort. As always, I look forward to future stories from the author.
Great to see HDK
I'd been missing HDK's stories...but this story left me hungry for more. I missed the emotional content. Great to have you back, HDK, now start writing!
It'so nice to see
A cheating slut getting it as well as the slob she's fucking at the same time..Well done
well NOT your best HDK but still enjoyable
It was way to short... and the REALLY hurt it.
sort of like this post.
How did the wife transform herself? why? what was going thru her hed? even if you wanted to tell this just from the husbands POV you could of gone more into when the changes started...
when his wife tore him a new asshole when he pointed out that he did NOT work weekends and holidays... instead of getting a beer and plopping down to watch TV he should of spit in her face and walked out for the rest of the evening
i thank you for punishment that the adulters got
it not ok to fuck another man wife.and if you do there is punishment.i think the writers in this site think it ok to fuck another man wife,but where i come from homey don't play that shit.they were lucky they got off lite.
Your story
Your story has been reviewed. You can see the review on the New story reviews thread on the Authors' Hangout here: http://www.literotica.com:81/forum/showthread.php?t=4 28901&page=11&pp=25
Any comments or questions pertaining to that review can be directed to that thread: http://www.literotica.com:81/forum/showthread.php?p=1 8265130#post18265130
Dang!
HDK,
Good to see you back. My only complaint is that this story is too short. Heck, most of yours are for my money, but that is because I truly enjoy your sense of humor, and the plot quirks. Another interesting story.
very well done twist on cheater gettting caught
Good entertainment
Thank you
PT
Another good read
Thanks again...
short sweet and to the point
like the beatles do you. me too keep it coming thanks
Brava
Excellent story short sweet and to the point along with serious drama. Well WELL done.
Delightful
HDK:
I always enjoy your work and this is no exception. Thank You. Ronnie W.
An Eleanor Rigby it's not,
but is the next best thing. Didn't have to regret tearing down the woodshed. A damn good read, congrats. A fan always.
Excellent Story...
but didn't Foster know that he was being recorded or did Kite set up a parallel feed to make his own video?
I found the story very original and a fun read. Monica deserved everything she had coming to her. Thanks!
SleeplessinMD
Even though it was kinda short (^_^)
I thought it was pretty ingenious.
This was a new twist on a cheating fantasy. I thought I knew where it was going, but you turned it around on me. =)
But I did figure it out by the time I got to the party though, but to be honest that was kinda late in the game by then.
Good story, kinda short, but good never the less.
-Risq
Great Story
Great story HDK.
Great Story
Great story HDK.
Another great story.
Obviously he wasn't as dumb as the two adulterers thought he was. Oh, yes, indeedy, he should be able to retire in royal style.
Boy, the slut threw away 25 years! Wonder how long she was building to that point of adultery or had there been others; maybe less demanding of her time?
Great, but too short
It was a great turn of events..
Too bad it evolved too fast to my taste..
Keep it up!
~
A nicely done series of vignettes
do not a complete story make. I’m with “Harry” and “story makes no sense” on this one.
Why was wifey seduceable? Was she always so bitchy and if not, why now? These questions, if answered in a couple of vignettes of their own, would complete the story. What’s so hard about that? I spent nearly the whole story reading a few sentences and then asking myself, “why?” Why isn’t everyone hammering HDK for not answering these absolutely obvious questions with absolutely required answers?
Otherwise, well written and cleverly plotted as usual.
Phil
Pathetic
This belongs in the "non-erotic" section.
There is nothing "loving" about a revenge story.
You're not a Knight
You're the KING!! It could have been longer, but I still love it!!
As only you can
HDK:
I have to give you top marks simply for ingenuity. But I, as do a few others, have questions which go unanswered.
I can't imagine why the husband would have stayed married so long to such an hateful spouse, but, obviously, if he hadn't, there would have been no story.
Excellent resolution to his predicament!! As others have stated, your stories are too short and, for me, too far and few between. I anxiously fook forward to your next submission.
Philip
Top Score
I have always liked your stories and this one did not disappoint.
I eagerly await your next!! Don't make us wait too long.
Charleybear
A very High Marks
I have to Give you High Marks for that sneaky move your a genius to think of that and catch two sharks with one piece of bait Please write more write the wifes story and get her side of what happened.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga.
Great riddle but too abstract
Upon reflection though, I could not be convinced with top agency manager risking his career with a client's wife AND wife being ready just in time (and why?) for this to happen. Thanks for enjoyable read!
I like it!
Write more like this. Just add a some sex.
Very Clever!
Another good take with this cheating twist!
The bitch got what she deserved!
He'll have a great retirement WITHOUT his miserable wife!
Thanks for writing!
Sexmate
i dont get off on revenge stories
but yours are clever and have those quirky twists on them that i have to give you 100.
loved it!
Most cheaters are actually very stupid and think they are to smart to be caught.
its' sad how people say,i don't get off on revenge
but they like to read how one person fucks over another without any punishment.what that say about that person.
good story
I liked it an your style of writing. Always entertaining thank you.
Mike from Texas
well done
foster and monica were silly enough to believe that others were not as smart as them. her insistance on playing the disk was a nice touch.
re-read
the set up was complete when she insisted on the playing of the dvd ! she gets what she deserves and the [former] pi and his employer get theirs. very well done all around.
Clairvoyant check?
A bit of humor for security or clearance check.
crept up on them
the way it was done, the way she acted, believing one outcome, and getting the unexpected outcome. awesome!
the revenge was complete, and even got him too !
Another fine tale, HDK.
I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks for what you do.
Now I know....
Why I keep coming back to HDK's stories... They are the best!
thank you.
you have have again produced another fine story.
I saw it coming a mile away but it was still entertaining...
would have liked more details on taking down the two slim balls...
great short story.........
really liked it
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