by Incoming
Reasonable grammar. Good story action. And About time.
This probably pisses off those who think husbands should spend their time groveling at the feet of their wives for any crumbs that might fall.
One logical thing. At that range deballing a man probably would kill him.
i read these stories for the emotion, hurt, passion, anger - whatever. In this case, his revenge seems more like a reaction rather than he was really hurt or even angry. Anyway i'm impressed that you got up an wrote a story, more than most of us do. Keep it up and good luck.
Like the other reviewer I missed the emotional involvement . Really liked the hot coffee in the wife's lap, though
authors botch it like this:
"Cherry dropped to her knees, unzipped my cock"
Say what? His cock zips on and off? Now that's a novel fantasy, a dick you can put on and take off. Not big enough? Borrow a bigger one and put it on! Too big? Use a smaller one. Your sweetie wants a black cock to play with? No problem-o!
Then there's this gem of authorship: "If I barged in and disrupted them, I would never know the extent of her infidelity." The author offers this as one of the husband's motivations but then never explores this aspect of the story. Why not?
Here's a cliche that I absolutely detest: "I made a conscious decision that I would no longer have sex with my Lisa." Let me say it this way: if you're making unconscious decisions about your life, you have a serious problem. This sad example of poor writing would be comic if it weren't so tragic.
The story has little to no plot to it and there's no exploration of the characters to show us why they do what they do. Evidently, the author expects us to know ahead of time how things will turn out so he doesn't bother with any of the things that make literature interesting. I suppose his intent is to offer a "feel good" story for the "manly men" of the world, at least that's what his commentary suggests.
One thing about the story does puzzle me. If the husband thought he would use adultery as the basis for the divorce, his use of the escort service to humiliate his wife was exceedingly stupid. Now both spouses are cheaters and the best he can hope for is irreconcilable differences. My impression is that the author is really making fun of you for feeling gratified that the husband got his revenge. He wants you to cheer for the dumbass and is secretly chuckling when you do. It's a nasty trick and not one that I like very much.
Overall, the writing is blase and there're more than a few grammatical oopsies. Excellent fiction it is not so this 1's for you.
super action and plot. really kicks ass. don't stop now. take it farther
Beg for an editor!!!!
This has to be the worst beginning sentence I have seen here lately: "It was a cold windy Saturday with overcast." Dull. featureless. Then you go on with: "I stood along the pier watching the surf. I really didn't feel like fishing. I just felt like staring into the horizon wondering where my life was going."
The sentences are almost all equal in rhythm. bland and they don't carry any action just narrative. BORING! And don't tell, SHOW.
BTW, are you looking the surf or the horizon? Surf is where the waves break, not the horizon. The horizon is wayy the hell out there unless you are watching a tsunami come in, of course.
How about this? "I was alone on the pier which was unusual for a Saturday morning. The wind picked up causing the surf to break hard against the pilings and stung my eyes. I pulled my jacket closer to me with my free hand. My gazed shifted from the useless rod in my left hand and across the surf to the stark horizon. The sky was a grey as my mood." Not my best but you can already SEE that it is Saturday, cold, windy, overcast, I am not really interested in fishing and moody. Shown, not told.
AND THIS? "What a pain I the ass...."? "But when I got their..." These are careless mistakes.
Keep writing, just do yourself a favor and get a good editor and you will see how much better this can be.
Regards,
C
What happens when the wife of 25 years finds out that he knows all about her and Bob?
Does Bob's cock ever work properly again? Still have his balls? Well, I guess salt does preserve things.
He'd have been better off just taking Cherry out after she showed up. I can't quite imagine the wife sticking around to watch him screwing Cherry without kicking him in the balls.
well Maybe Bob's cock Unzips as well... ??
LOL!!!
The PLOT is very good but there are some problems. If he wnated to find out how long this has been going on.... why doesnt he?
why take the pictures? When are they to be used....?
if he wants divorce on the grounds of adultery using a escort service is done... and few escorts would ever want to get involved with something like that...
is great but full of typos and grammar problems.
Unbelievable too. At that close range, it would not have made any difference if the 12 gauge had been loaded with salt, buckshot, or cream of wheat. He would have died. Period. Bled out like a cut pig.
Nice thought though.
Get a volunteer editor and keep writing. I like your thought process.
Read some Just Plain Bob stories and see some great examples of husband payback. Maybe .22 caliber birdshot in next shooting of lover's balls.
Note to readers: For those of you that didn't like it, you were warned not to read it. But you couldn't control yourself, could you? You just had to read.
I bet you can't control yourself and read all those wimp husband stories too?
Another excellent "non-wimp husband" story! Once again, take note -Ohio & JPB. Thanks again, author.
First read and read some more, so you can see how stories are developed and avoid basic pitfalls like passive writing, avoid cliches and become a descriptive writer. We would also appreciate if you can get a dictionary, a writing style tome, then an editor before you submit again.
I have no problem with you day dreaming about your infantile revenge fantasy. However, your writing needs work.
One technical error, our hero identified Cheryl's lover as 'Bob' before his PI checked the license plate and reported the address.
Re-read your story and avoid over-using phrases. 'Like no tommorrow' should be used sparingly if at all.
Thanks for writing.
i liked the story line. hate reading of the wimpy husbands who except infidelity rather than attack a family destroyer head on. keep it up!
I liked the innovative revenge. Of course this is as far from reality as a Bugs Bunny cartoon, but it doesn't matter.
Let's see some more innovative discovering of the cheating wife---cheating wives, if they read these stories, would never invite their loverboys over to the house. 10 to 1 the husband will show up unexpectedly one day. In fact having illicit sex in your own house should be called Scenario A. So instead of wasting time, the paragraph or so here, just write Scenario A and we the readers will know that the wife is fucking somebody else in the marriage bed. Scenario B occurs when it happens in a motel and the husband happens to be driving by and spots his wife's car. Scenario C occurs in a boss or co-worker's office. Scenario C hasn't been used that much so we could see some elaboration there. If the motel or hotel is interesting, or the cheating wife's peignoir is particularly sexy and must be described, then paint us the picture. Otherwise the writing should be done like painting by numbers, which these scenes usually are. Thus we don't need to have described a very non-erotic thrust and counter-thrust of members, or to view the scene with irate detachment, or clinical precision. Just say Scenario A, Scenario B or Scenario C, and come on down to claim your prize---a cheating wife and a snake in the pubic grass, if it hasn't been shaved and waxed. That snake ought to be hit with a golf club, an iron preferably, and if anybody says "fore", you say "I'll tell you what for." And you've got a story.
Here the revenge was innovative---not the old bank & lawyer routines---which may be true in real life but don't make an interesting story, especially if you've read enough of these tales about tails.
playingcardcompany
I think it was funny. I guess wifey figured out she was caught, and basically at his mercy until she was well. At that point I would imagine a divorce was in order.
Readers may read whatever they care to read, regardless of disclaimers or warnings! Once a writer posts a story, it is fair game for comment. Most will simply appreciate the effort and vote, if nothing else. Some will offer praise or scorn in a reasonable and non-abusive way. A few will flame the story, the wtiter and the writer's family values and voting record on the basis of a fictional romp.
Yes, readers who comment SHOULD be fair and offer that old elusive constructive criticism, but too many will just flame.
with the sentiments of most of those posting comments. Your story was "just okay" in how it was presented. I really had no feelings for any of your characters. The wife appeared to be pretty much a bitch to the husband, and his revenge on her seemed to be incredibly cold. Their actions toward each other would seem to belie your description of their marriage. You provided no motivation for her cheating. It felt like the beginning of this story was really the middle of another one.
While I do enjoy a well written 'revenge' story, I couldn't get behind this one. Spilling hot coffee seemed pretty juvenile, and fooling with brakes on the wife's car seemed unbelievably stupid. What, if in her having an accident, she had killed someone? Would the death of an innocent party have made this guy feel better?
There is a similarity between the spate of pathetic interracial stories being posted lately and many of these 'revenge' stories. Unfortunately both are being written to
gratify the appetities of the lowest common denominator. Imaginination, ingenuity, and cleverness are so much more satisfying. I know, easy to say but so hard to do.
Yes, there were errors in your submission, and some before me have given excellent suggestions in how you might improve in submitting further stories. You have promise and I hope you'll persevere in sharing future efforts.
Philip
Needs more development and emotion. The story was really hard to get into and there is no one to root for. Both the husband and wife are assholes.
I am afraid he was not quite as revenge seeking as I would be but then I wasnt the writer. She mentioned Bobs name in the bed I think but who knows i was into the story. A shame loverboys nice red car wasnt wasted but then why when you waste loverboy that way. The wife is a stupid bitch, but I think hubby really needs to go back and check the DNA on both kids. Her type has been cheating on him since day one. The way she talked to him in conversation was as disrespect as it comes, actually I would have thrown her out for that. She just wanted a hubby for a cover and to pay her expenses. I really enjoyed the hot coffee touch, will remember it for possible future use.............Lots of people can really piss you off without being married to you.
Liked the story for the most part, but the loose brake line could have killed somebody else.
Lisa got some of her own treatment thrown back at her .
Pat
Atlanta,Ga
I hate the stories of men who let their wives run over them. It's time that men starting being men again. Keep up the good work.
I have no way to connect to this story, it's just about revenge, and childish at that. the break line could have been truly dangerous, he could have killed her or someone else, making him a murderer. maybe you're the kind of guy that shows no emotions, or maybe his wife was just a convenience, and he's pissed not because he's hurt, but because he's now inconvenienced. they deserved each other.
Awful prose with numerous blunders that cry out for an editor. I suppose if you're into spiteful revenge stories, this thing is okay. As literature, it's about as interesting as a root canal. It has all the raw excitement of WWE Smackdown. I don't understand why the loser husband doesn't just jettison the cheating wife and get on with life? Too complicated, I guess. Ah well. Not much here to entertain.
I needed that! The beauty is that he gets away with it! Loved the rock salt. Have you ever thought of the results of using pure sodium on a body?
<p>I always cringe at these stories where the husband's revenge is the death penalty to someone. He got his feelings hurt...someone must die!</p>
<p>Of course, using violence in a story always brings out the bloodsuckers whose only criteria for voting is the degree of revenge enacted on the cheaters in a Loving Wives story. It's a guaranteed 100 with a cheer from the knuckle-walkers among the Literotica readership.</p>
<p>Call me crazy, but I kinda like character development in a story. I sometimes look for something that writers call a 'plot'. A certain degree of realism might be in order as well, unless the story is a fantasy.</p>
<p>I suspect that in real life wifey would have figured out who shot loverboy. Maybe she hated him enough to tell the cops. Maybe his shotgun was actually registered to him. Maybe an investigation would have shown that the brake fluid had no reason to drain out on its own.</p>
<p>A cop wouldn't have to be Miss Marple or Philip Marlowe to figure out who committed these crimes. Hubby's ass would be in jail if he actually did these things.</p>
<p>What is this desire for blood? Don't you readers/writers have the intelligence to figure out a revenge that doesn't put the husband in jail?</p>
<p>And again I ask, why is infidelity an executable offense? Because it hurts your pride? Crap what a bunch of pussies you guys are. I like stories where the husbands act like men, not like angry little boys.</p>
<p>This story had some promising elements, but most of them were unrealized. Keep at it but shoot for realism, not some teenaged wanker fantasy.
it makes those who cause pain to feel pain. a dr who treats people in pain
i didn't realize how many sissyboy were out there trying to act like men.you put your stories out there and the men can see the deal and the boys fall by the side of the road.you write the common sense stories and let the fanasy freaks play sissyboys.
For the idiot who wrote, "it reads like a trashy TV eposide" should grow some balls and write his own. Fucking wimp!
a zipper in his dick like this man. But apparently he does. To wit:
<br><br>
"Cherry dropped to her knees, unzipped my cock, and ..."
Nope Sucks.. Look, you want to do a No wimp story? Then why don't do it right? There is many possibilities of how to screw her up good without this sh*.. F*ng fantasy.. Both seems sick and their marriage can't ever have been real... Cheers Yoron.
And while at it he does not fotgrt to keep the men healthy with a steady diet of protein shakes (cherry flavor of course). No, it could not happen like that in life but that’s why you turned to a story with this warning tag.
A bit of a psychological torment would have added a special flavor (see the classis “The bean counter”), But for such a short piece this husband covered a lot of ground …including something with beans…
This is not revenge. Revenge in marriage does not include innocent people. This is a story of two sick people. They deserve each other. This story stopped being about revenge when you had the husband tamper with the brakes on her car. Was there ever a thought of what would happen if she hit someone else? How could you have justified this being revenge if her car had killed someone? An innocent man, woman or child could have been murdered. Yes, murdered. How could you possibly justify having the car run over a child of 2yrs or a pregnant woman? A good story was ruined by such a sick act.
I enjoy the screams of outrage from those who think hubby was too harsh. The funny part is it's usually the same people who give their blessing to a cheating whore of a wife and think it only fair that she turn a hubby into a cuckold. There is no degradation or pain deep enough for a hubby to experience, but the least action against the cheating wife is suddenly worth condemnation fit for a hitler. The author did ok...it was a little predictable but all stories are to some degree.......
He is out of action for a while and maybe forever. Hmmm, how long does it take a cop to figure out the a guy shot in his balls is fucking a married woman, who is the likely suspect? The wife has possible whiplash and the doctor told her not to have sex, when does a doctor telling someone not to have sex have any effect? She might have made a week! So you fucked a woman in front of her, god what revenge. Now she has evidence of your infidelity, its a wash. Where is the revenge on the wife? Why play games and not just divorce the slut? All you are doing is keeping her around and providing her the lifestyle she wants. You said this guy had brass balls, you were wrong. He has silly putty balls! Not a wimp but definately not a grown man.
by most readers. This story could have fitted under the Humorous section, given the feedback from readers. The best one was by Anon(9-15-06)" I love it when", a masterpiece in comedy, followed closely by comments from "Nightowl22" and "Chagrined".It's obvious a good editor would have prevented some of these poorly worded sentences. Unless of course, the author, meant to write the story this way. Who knows. Enough said.
But somehow after the initial lines all emotion disappears from the tale. Sex without emotion is nothing... and the same applies to revenge. The characters have no depth. Basically you only outlined the plot, a humorous plot?
Like the Fact . He took their "Loving" away from them ang Humiliated
Her in the End to the Tune of 2 Months of Watching and Wishing LOL
it put a slice of swiss cheese to shame. Started with-Just then I heard Bob scream, "Ahhhhhhhh, I'm cumming you slut. How did he know the guys name?That was just one of many. Somebody said this was realistic. Wonder what fiction would really be like if this was realistic. No ending, like all your stories. Must have taken lessons from JPB. Grammar mistakes all over. The list goes on and on and on.
to paraphrase B. Dylan.
Chagrined posted this as an exaple of good, precise writhing, "...the surf to break hard against the pilings and stung my eyes." This guy was standing ON the pier and surf breaking against the pilings supporting the pier stung his eyes? That is some spray!!
And we're going to take the author to task for referring to the asshole fucking his wife by his name. At least that perpetration occurred as the story was written when the author knew his name.
I appreciated the author NOT dragging the story out with character development, etc. The key point to this little story was the cuck had a set of balls and got some measures of revenge. The revenge wasn't intricate and involved so the build up didn't need to be long. And yeah, I had a thought about endangering innocent people with the break job but I also have thoughts about every wife being a stunning beauty and able to deep throat 10 inch cocks as big around as a coke can.
Unfortunately, not enough of this type of story from decent authors like "Incoming" to balance the scales against the dog shit that MattM & JPB spew out. In any case, great job author and hope you get a chance to rewrite a couple of JPB or MattM's cluck/pathetic wimp submissions.
I am not upset with the story, as revenge stories go this was about par for the course though I do think it ended prematurely. We never found out what happened to the other guy, the PI's report could have been sent to his wife and ruined his marriage as it should be. The wife was left licking her wounds in the family home and only a hint of what would happen to her. In short, you left the story too short. Actually if I am upset about anything it is authors who essentially threaten the readers not to make negative comments. How can you grow as a writer if you refuse to acknowledge criticism. I understand mindless criticism has no place here but you make it sound as though even well meaning constructive comments are unwelcome. Shows me you are not as committed to your ideas as you want us to believe. If you can't take the heat, get out....oh fuck you know the rest. I left my email in the subject box because I am not a member of Literotica and have no desire to be one. I am not expecting a response but I do refuse on principle to make a comment without identifying myself.
I did fist pumps at the end, ripping chili bombs on her all night! Good sense of humor lmao!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IN HEAVEN MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK OH HOLY LORD HELP ME PLEASE
I like stupid and blatant revenge on a cheating wife. We don't know, however, if he told her he knew about her boyfriend. Still quite amusing.
HA
The day Hubby eschews fishing for contemplation is the day Sweety lands a whopper. Hubby somehows knows it is 'Bob' the paragraph after he sees a stranger he doesn't know boffing his babe! Hubby also doesn't know if Bob is aware he is boffing a married lady or a single Sweety.
Our 'He-Man Hubby Hero' next has to resort to spilling hot coffee on Sweety's snatch. So brave and courageous!
Next we have 'assault with a deadly weapon' - rock salt in shotgun rounds, at the stated range, could easily blow off Bob's cojones even through two layers of clothing. A major felony, even if Hubby explained to the police that Bob had boffed Sweety (with her adult permission and enthusiastic cooperation!) What's another name for Brass Balls??? Numb-Nuts!!!
Lisa never had a clue, the GF is not Liza its Cherry. TK U MLJ LV NV
This story before and it still makes me laugh. Thanks fo sharing.
I read it again. I had to say something.
HA
Will my stalker follow? Stay tuned...
swallowing the fat cock, he guzzled the hot jizz, betrayed!
Liked the story made me laugh
On a side note that is one strange anon- types the intent every time Very odd.
i had to favorite this just for the introductory "note to readers".
YEP, and I'm glad I did. Good story.
Ha Ha Ha Good Cruel revenge Story with a special Romantic Revenge Situation at the end.
5*****
Lisa cannot send Cherry from the house, because she is the guest of the husband.......I rember of the law, when the husband tries to shot the loverboy the law will punish him, because the loverboy is the guest of the wife! It works vica versa!!!!!
Good story as he was a man but it should be completed. He should tell her he knew about her affair and then dump her.
I can not belive it I am laughing on the cheating wives!!!! Poor Bocaccio turns around in his tomb!!!! If sombody tells me 30 years ago I am reading the better and better Revenge Stories and I am laughing on the cheating wives I did not believe him/her.
Earlier the all GREAT WORLD LITERATURE was either full of humorouse cheating wives stories where the aim of the humor was the DUMB husbands or the cheating wife was a tragic character. However such stories where the aim of the humor is the cheating wives was an enigma. Fantastic changing which is only the periferia of the Literature, b itut has arrived. Naturaly many Revenge Story is sad and tells tragic event, (this is new because pro the husbands!!!!!!!!!!), but the humorouse Revenge Stories show a changed life feelings. What a pity the University Literature Sciencist do not discovered this type new genre!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While slut Lisa's head is demobilized and her fuck buddy Bob is not calling, the husband show play the recorded phone calls just before he hads her the divorce papers and tells her of Bob's Alienation of Affection suit. Must make the retribution complere.
The revenge is watered down by the stooping down to the same level of the cheating slut wife. The revenge of empty the coffee and brake fluids was great. Shooting Murphy in the balls was great. When Bill brought the whore to the house that sunk the revenge. The author never completed the revenge aspect of the story nor did he complete the story. Lisa only suffered a minor setback which was recoverable in two months. Murphy's physical condition was never described permanent damage would be expected but not presented by the author. The author had an opportunity to slam dunk and failed to finish the race stopping just feet away from the finish line.Lisa deserves punishment and so does Murphy. Desecration of a marriage bed is a major blow to a principled man. There was no confrontation of Lisa no admission of guilt or humiliation for her transgressions. The author started but needs a finish.
I didn't like it, but it was not because of the reasons you warned about. The ending was rushed and simply absurd. Thanks for the offering.
This is the best solution. When I am forced into the company of assholes, I entertain myself and any other decent people my having fun at the expense of the asshole. It is okay to be mean to a creep, as long as you are funny doing it!
Horrible for the long run. Now you're both cheaters. Rather than split 50-50 with the wife, you should have spent the next dew months planning for the divorce. Protect as many assets as you can. Maybe get a new job lined up out of town. Downsize the household belongings. You got short term revenge, but a long term screwing.
He's a murderer, a cheater, and brutally assaulted his wife twice. That makes him a fucking psychopath by any normal standard, and the retarded level of cheating he's engaging in would certainly cause him to lose badly in a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, no matter what excuses he came up with about her cheating.
After all, after murdering her former lover, he certainly can't admit to knowing the man was cheating with his wife, can he? Idiocy.
Can accidents be prevented? Mostly. But can cheating wives be stopped? Mostly. You just need to be aware of their activities. As this husband was. By the way, he wasn't a murderer; rock salt in the nuts may hurt like hell, you might WISH you were going to die, but you won't.
"He's a murderer, a cheater, and brutally assaulted his wife twice."
Wrong.
First, he didn't kill anyone, just delivered some payback to a dumbass by shooting him in the balls. Technically, he's a cheater, but I suspect he may have had provocation. And as for the "brutal" assault, wah fucking wah. This is a story about a whore who cheats on her husband, and in the marital bed, no less. I haven't looked in the cheaters handbook recently, but I don't recall seeing where the hubby owes the wife decency, honesty, compassion, or loyalty. The expression "payback is a bitch" applies. The silly bitch assaulted him mentally, and in a most cruel fashion...her partner in crime did as well, and anyone finding sympathy for two such idiots is probably an idiot themselves. Maybe if more people realized that certain actions have consequences, they'd be lest apt to commit an offence. Frankly, I look at it as a story about justice, entirely equitable, and can only note that some of us would have gone a damned sight further.
As long as he doesn't do time for his criminal activity FUCKING GREAT! I get a kick out of those people who think that cheating wives or husbands should be forgiven or allowed to simply divorce a shred their spouses life. When you are married for a number of years, and worse have kids with a spouse, your lives are so intertwined that divorce will cause you to suffer serious financial, emotional, and in some cases physical harm. That is why marriage has always been for keeps - "till death do us part". So, if you are a selfish, stupid fuck, think again before you cheat. The person you hurt may just decide to enact the death clause of your agreement.
there is no learning.
neither the wife nor bob even know they are being shared a life lesson if no one clues them in.
and she still hasn't figured it out, yet. TK U MLJ LV NV
Five Stars for half of a tale. It would be nice if it was finished.
This is a guy that knows how to write,,, well done,,, this might happen for real
Give it a little time to kick in then 'accidently' wake her up and give her the dutch oven. Leave her a legacy.
Expected good BTB, not stupid drivel. Sawed off shotgun: federal violation. B&E and assault with a deadly weapon: felonies. Attempted murder on wife via the brake (not 'break' you nitwit): felony.
Never, ever lose your head or freedom over a piece of ass.
Then you spewed forth this drivel. First off - get an editor. I'm not the Grammar Police, but SO many mistakes....... If he's out for revenge I can understand the shotgun. But even sawed off it would have had one hell of a kick to it. And at that range, even rock salt would have done serious damage, if not been fatal. So that seemed a little over the top. But the last two things? Letting the fluid out of her brakes? You do realize that the Police would have investigated? That it would have been obvious that the lines had been tampered with and that your wrenches could have been matched to the nuts on her car? I'll give you those things because this is fiction. But when he brings Candy home and rubs his infidelity in his wife's face, he looses the high ground in the coming divorce. Most Judges would not be happy with his actions and even a lousy attorney would have had no problem finding Candy and I can imagine the effect her testimony would have had in Court. So this wound up being an over-the-top, I'm a stupid jackass husband story. And you wonder why people didn't like it? Just plain bad story.
Take the dick out of your mouth when you're trying to write.
See what you can do with details of true live serial cheating wife found on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com
Hope you enjoyed writing it. Thanks for the entertainment.
Pulls the cover's up and over Lisa's head and let's some of those stinky wonderful farts from Chili,,,,,ah yes! The wonders of better living through chemistry!
And Dutch Ovens. Almost forgot that part!
Read it before. Would have loved to see the reaction once the cunt healed. Oh well, I'll use my imagination.