I like your writing. You have made a good beginning to a story. Let your feelings guide you where it should go from here. I look forward to the next chapter.
LL,
There are many places this story can go from here, I look forward to seeing where you take it. Very good start, you seem to have a feel for this. The next one will hopefully be a bit longer. Nice start on the characters, there is nothing wrong with a slow development it makes for a richer story. Keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous09/26/06
Nice START.
Finish the thought. A little more emphasis on what she is thinking.
My only complaint is that I wish it had been longer.
by
Anonymous09/26/06
past experience
That was a great and real time story i know how she feels .
Pat Murray
by
Anonymous09/26/06
How sweet.
I like this story. It's a sweet story and I'm a sucker for sweet guys. The only thing I'm wondering is how she can have a coherent thought in her head if she's so drunk. Otherwise, great start. Can't wait for the rest of it.
FABULOUSLY!! this is a wonderfully well written, well thought out story with major potential! You've piqued my interest, and I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
You are right - you CAN do that ~ and quite well, in fact!
I like the good samaratin stories and this one sounds very interesting, so far. 10 years for a man and woman? Nothing to it. We know he'll be dating her. Where will that lead??
He picked her up with one arm? Hmmmm. She could like more than his general good looks.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
How unusual to find a story with great potential for erotica but being nothing but a nice guy looking after a girl he met in a club. Something very refreshing and nice about it. Stories such as this one definitely fit in to fill the void of just decent guy and girl stories. Well Written!
by
Anonymous09/26/06
Well done
Very well written...but I'm not quite sure what a split is.
Please post another photo on your bio page so we can get a good look at you!
Keep writing! Looking forward to seeing how you describe the inevitable sex between the two.....
What a lovely start to a story well written that hopefully will lead on to lots more. I hope the next instalment will be out soon and Mary and Grant become a real “Romance”
by
Anonymous09/26/06
You should be pleased
In reading your story and many of the comments I would have to conclude that a lot of people enjoyed your writing , myself included. I thought your story was well written, avoided the typical crude cliches, and wa very interesting. I hope you continue with this story and many others. 60 year old George
by
Anonymous12/16/06
fabu
talent in all areas....no wonder I loved you from the start
English
A Good Beginning
I like your writing. You have made a good beginning to a story. Let your feelings guide you where it should go from here. I look forward to the next chapter.
Great possibilities!
LL,
There are many places this story can go from here, I look forward to seeing where you take it. Very good start, you seem to have a feel for this. The next one will hopefully be a bit longer. Nice start on the characters, there is nothing wrong with a slow development it makes for a richer story. Keep up the good work.
Nice START.
Finish the thought. A little more emphasis on what she is thinking.
Pretty good
My only complaint is that I wish it had been longer.
past experience
That was a great and real time story i know how she feels .
Pat Murray
How sweet.
I like this story. It's a sweet story and I'm a sucker for sweet guys. The only thing I'm wondering is how she can have a coherent thought in her head if she's so drunk. Otherwise, great start. Can't wait for the rest of it.
I think you're doing...
FABULOUSLY!! this is a wonderfully well written, well thought out story with major potential! You've piqued my interest, and I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
You are right - you CAN do that ~ and quite well, in fact!
Have a great day, take care,
~Sky~
Excellent start on your story.
I like the good samaratin stories and this one sounds very interesting, so far. 10 years for a man and woman? Nothing to it. We know he'll be dating her. Where will that lead??
He picked her up with one arm? Hmmmm. She could like more than his general good looks.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Lovely little story.
How unusual to find a story with great potential for erotica but being nothing but a nice guy looking after a girl he met in a club. Something very refreshing and nice about it. Stories such as this one definitely fit in to fill the void of just decent guy and girl stories. Well Written!
Well done
Very well written...but I'm not quite sure what a split is.
Please post another photo on your bio page so we can get a good look at you!
Keep writing! Looking forward to seeing how you describe the inevitable sex between the two.....
Nice start to a romance
What a lovely start to a story well written that hopefully will lead on to lots more. I hope the next instalment will be out soon and Mary and Grant become a real “Romance”
You should be pleased
In reading your story and many of the comments I would have to conclude that a lot of people enjoyed your writing , myself included. I thought your story was well written, avoided the typical crude cliches, and wa very interesting. I hope you continue with this story and many others. 60 year old George
fabu
talent in all areas....no wonder I loved you from the start
Nice Opener
Could be a winning hand!
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