I liked the story. Enough twists to make me dizzy.
As the previous comment states, none of these characters are very admirable people, but the story and turnabout is pretty entertaining.
Gary started it and Donna certainly finished it. If I was Dave I certainly would be watching my back however. Donna is one conniving little whore.
Do any of the characters really have to be likeable? The plot, the double plot, and the tripple plot is what makes this a good read.
JPB has a twisted sense of humor and I kinda like it.
by
Anonymous09/22/06
Kafkaesque
In fact, this fantasy of inward-turning betrayals was nicely written and fun to read. Fun because you can't summon up any empathy for anyone by the time the screwing-over is done - ALL these people are annoying, conniving cheaters. Some of them were just too proud of their accomplishments to see the obvious - just maybe the other person knows something.
I assumed from the beginning that the one girlfriend might be a bad'un - and that the lack of direct evidence against the husband made things not be quite what they seemed. We could argue about whether or not such a callous bastard could possibly fool any woman into having faith in him, but that's a minor point. This is an intellectual puzzle fantasy. Think Agatha Christie, John Le Carre, or some other whodunit-style author. Well done.
But I'm thinking that when Gary gets out of jail (and it's a BIG if he goes to jail in the first place) he comes looking for her. And I see him burying her in a shallow grave when he finds her. I wonder if she ever considered THAT consequence. At the very least he gets out on bail before the trail. She might not make it to the Courtroom.
So many twists. We have a cheating wife, followed by the best friend cheating with the husband. Drugs, turncoats, police and a gangbang. For just a simple flash story it was unbelievably well crafted and written. Nice job.
The only problem was that all of the characters are worthless asshole cheating human being who should all suffer in extreme pain. Other than that it was a great read.
You spoiled the story at the end with her wanting a gang bang, till then she had the moral high ground. Shows no class, just another trail trash story.
by
Anonymous03/17/15
Conspiracy won't get you much time.
And it won't get you much time. If she makes the video and sends it to Gary, he's going to get an attorney and sue her for her setup. And Mark's going to testify against her to stay out of jail. The attorney will show that it was Donna that planned the whole thing and Mark was involved up to his eyeballs. I'm sure the other guys will testify against her too. So she's going to be doing jail time and she'll lose the house and all the assets when Gary gets his revenge. Stupid plan. Of course there are some men out there and women too (I'm thinking Debbie may be a tad upset) that might take a more direct line of action. Donna may just end up dead. Ya never know. And of course you never know in a JPB story because the end is always in the readers imagination!
English
These characters
Gary = a piece of shit
Donna = a bigger piece of shit
Nice Twists JPB
I liked the story. Enough twists to make me dizzy.
As the previous comment states, none of these characters are very admirable people, but the story and turnabout is pretty entertaining.
Gary started it and Donna certainly finished it. If I was Dave I certainly would be watching my back however. Donna is one conniving little whore.
Thanks as always for your efforts.
Charleybear
The only thing better than finding a JPB story
is finding two JPB stories.
Turnabouts fair play, right?
No real winner here but justice was served! (It was, wasn't it?"
Regards, DJ
well if you aregoing for evil
this will do it ... very twisted and evil...
I like it in a perverse way
Pretty shitty
Man, I would hate to live in your world.
I like it.
Do any of the characters really have to be likeable? The plot, the double plot, and the tripple plot is what makes this a good read.
JPB has a twisted sense of humor and I kinda like it.
Kafkaesque
In fact, this fantasy of inward-turning betrayals was nicely written and fun to read. Fun because you can't summon up any empathy for anyone by the time the screwing-over is done - ALL these people are annoying, conniving cheaters. Some of them were just too proud of their accomplishments to see the obvious - just maybe the other person knows something.
I assumed from the beginning that the one girlfriend might be a bad'un - and that the lack of direct evidence against the husband made things not be quite what they seemed. We could argue about whether or not such a callous bastard could possibly fool any woman into having faith in him, but that's a minor point. This is an intellectual puzzle fantasy. Think Agatha Christie, John Le Carre, or some other whodunit-style author. Well done.
Yeah, this was fair play
Trademark JPB, gangbang and all. I did enjoy the multiple plot twists.
oh well
Was turning out great till she turned out to be cheating too. That ruined a good story in my book 8 (
Very Creative
However, I didn't like it.
Real
Spy vs Spy stuff (with apologies to Mad Magazine).
Funny turnaround
But I'm thinking that when Gary gets out of jail (and it's a BIG if he goes to jail in the first place) he comes looking for her. And I see him burying her in a shallow grave when he finds her. I wonder if she ever considered THAT consequence. At the very least he gets out on bail before the trail. She might not make it to the Courtroom.
Great Read****
Thanks for sharing.
Great Flash Story
So many twists. We have a cheating wife, followed by the best friend cheating with the husband. Drugs, turncoats, police and a gangbang. For just a simple flash story it was unbelievably well crafted and written. Nice job.
Great Tale
The only problem was that all of the characters are worthless asshole cheating human being who should all suffer in extreme pain. Other than that it was a great read.
HA
Doesn't work
GARY supposedly planted this shit but suddenly DEBBIE also planted that shit?
Um..no
Nice try.
spoiled it
You spoiled the story at the end with her wanting a gang bang, till then she had the moral high ground. Shows no class, just another trail trash story.
Conspiracy won't get you much time.
And it won't get you much time. If she makes the video and sends it to Gary, he's going to get an attorney and sue her for her setup. And Mark's going to testify against her to stay out of jail. The attorney will show that it was Donna that planned the whole thing and Mark was involved up to his eyeballs. I'm sure the other guys will testify against her too. So she's going to be doing jail time and she'll lose the house and all the assets when Gary gets his revenge. Stupid plan. Of course there are some men out there and women too (I'm thinking Debbie may be a tad upset) that might take a more direct line of action. Donna may just end up dead. Ya never know. And of course you never know in a JPB story because the end is always in the readers imagination!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Turnabout or
More submissions by Just Plain Bob.