Couldn't even get past the first paragraph. What kind of timeline is this?... 2 months ago she gives birth and 5 months later the baby dies. When is this story taking place according to this statement? Sounds like the baby is still alive when she gives birth 2 month ago.
by
Anonymous10/01/06
please edit!!!
This story is in dire need of an editor! While the premise has potential, it's lost in the mixed-up verb tenses, choppy sentences that seem to skip over as much as they explain, completely unclear timeline, and improbably fast race to the bedroom. It also seems like the author couldn't decide whether this should be a "Romance" or "Erotic Couplings" story - there's too little character development at the beginning, even for an "Erotic Coupling," & the "I want a divorce" part at the end is better suited to a "Romance." Overall, I'd say this story should be taken down and rewritten, preferably with the help of an impartial editor, and re-posted once it works.
by
Anonymous05/30/12
Are u kidding me??
I can get pretty sucked into any story , but as i was reading my bullshit meter was going off the entire time
English
poor timeline
Couldn't even get past the first paragraph. What kind of timeline is this?... 2 months ago she gives birth and 5 months later the baby dies. When is this story taking place according to this statement? Sounds like the baby is still alive when she gives birth 2 month ago.
please edit!!!
This story is in dire need of an editor! While the premise has potential, it's lost in the mixed-up verb tenses, choppy sentences that seem to skip over as much as they explain, completely unclear timeline, and improbably fast race to the bedroom. It also seems like the author couldn't decide whether this should be a "Romance" or "Erotic Couplings" story - there's too little character development at the beginning, even for an "Erotic Coupling," & the "I want a divorce" part at the end is better suited to a "Romance." Overall, I'd say this story should be taken down and rewritten, preferably with the help of an impartial editor, and re-posted once it works.
Are u kidding me??
I can get pretty sucked into any story , but as i was reading my bullshit meter was going off the entire time
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