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English
Everyone got what they deserved
No heroes in this tale...
Well done
For what it's worth, would love to see this continued. If not, it's still a damn good read.
Thinking process of TONI is interesting
The mindset of TONI the guy's(ROB) wife is really interesting and EVIL.
she was having girls night out with Marsha... she knew Marsha was screwing around on Bill... but TONI didnt know her husband ROB knew about it.
either TONI was fucking around before the Bachelor party or decided to do it for the 1st time AT the Bachelor party... which I THINK is the case since Marsha said TONI did NOT know ROB would be there...
what a good person TONI is
" yeah I am having trouble with my husband so I think I will go to a bachelor party and fucks sveral guys...
Didn't like the characterizations
This is average enough writing, with some obvious grammatical errors that should've been caught during the proofread.
The main character is weirdly drawn. On the one hand, he's portrayed as an honest, faithful husband, a good provider who never cheats on his wife. Yet when one examines his friends and the places he frequents, you find numerous individuals of low morals. So why would such an upstanding individual willingly associate with such people?
As his marriage falters, this supposedly intelligent man is at a loss on how to address the issue. Though he feels that something is amiss, he takes no positive action to discover what that something is. It's a curious flaw, given what the author has told us (that Rob is ever-faithful to Toni). One would think Rob would be very interested in sorting out his marital difficulties but evidently he's not. He's content to let things bump along, blissfully ignorant (somehow) of his wife's infidelty.
Just as curious is his willingness to allow his wife to continue to associate with Marsha. Rob knows that Marsha plays around on his best friend yet he does nothing despite growing evidence that Marsha is a bad influence.
Now we come to the precipice where the author slides over the edge. The statement:
"If I'm willing to sit in jail on a contempt of court charge rather than give Toni a dime there isn't shit they can do to me." They don't have to do anything to you other than let you sit in the pokey and manufacture striped sunshine. A few months of confinement will do wonders for the soul and I'm very certain Bubba and LeRoy will be happy to enlighten you on the joys of male companionship in close quarters.
Rob's devil-may-care attitude at the dissolution of his marriage blows the story for me. He commits criminal acts willy-nilly and somehow the author expects us to cheer. It's theft to steal community property and the "hero" of this story is nothing more than a thief. Sorry, I don't cheer for thieves. So in the end what we discover is what Bob was telling us all along: Rob wasn't a nice guy at all. He was a selfish prick willing to steal from his wife and lie in court.
His wife wasn't a criminal. Unfaithful? Sure. Of low moral character? Certainly but she didn't commit felonies and he did. So who are we supposed to cheer for again? I think the other poster was right: there are no sympathetic characters in this tale.
The plot has a big, gaping hole in it. Do you keep three year old pictures on your cell phone? I don't on mine and I bet you don't either. You either download them or pitch them. Sorry, I don't buy this nonsensical plot device and you shouldn't either.
Despite these flaws, the story is average with decent enough writing. The characters are well-drawn but the pictures are inconsistent, with the characters acting in ways that don't seem plausible. If you're into fantasies, I suppose that's okay.
I'll rate this story a 50 and be done with it.
Fair is only fair!....
If a marriage fails due to infidelity it should be considered as strongly as the courts view the theft of community property! Since infidelity bears little weight other than embarrassment, according to our court system of justice there isn't any legal financial incentive to remain faithful or participate earnestly in the marriage. A prenup spelling out the terms of division in the event of dissolution due to infidelity would certainly take the sting out of cheating. I'd also go so far as include a contractual requirement defining and precluding the use of mental, emotional, or physical abuse as well as including a clause requiring consistent intimacy providing, at a minimum, standard missionary style sexual intercourse at least 4 times a month to prevent the possibility of one party using sex as a weapon in the course of negotiation during marital discord. From a financial standpoint, if one commits faithfully to a spouse and devotes all one's personal time, effort, and industry to meet all of their essential material and emotional needs then it is only fair that if the marriage dissolves as a result of infidelity, a breach of the intimacy clause, or abuse of any kind, the offending spouse should be severely financially penalized in the divorce! I'll bet that would give all parties pause in any contemplation to betray, disgrace, or abuse their marriage! The excuses of "it was only sex", prolonged periods of "I don't feel like having sex tonight", and "I don't love you anymore and need space to find myself" can now end the marriage but the offender only walks away with the their personal belongings and a meager division of the personally verifiable assets they contributed to the marriage! Fair is only fair!
Too predictable
Your stories are too predictable in your punchline of course would be your wife showing up, every guy wanting to nail a stinking mess, the electronic whiz gadgets and the hard lesson learned.
All of that is like movies which depend on special effects or naked women to get people to watch, but never have a story. Your story had no story.
jeez man
Why mess up your own life? kick her to the curb,..no use messing up your credit by having the house get foreclosed on. LOL
Thanks
This story has been mentioned in the review thread on Lit's bulletin board. ~ Red
Too bitter!
Your protagonist, as are many others, is a little too bitter. Why not live and let live. He professes a great love for Toni, but wouldn't even allow her an explanation. Even dogs are allowed a "first bite." I would have enjoyed it more if they reconciled their relationship, perhaps under a 'new' arrangement.
Too bitter!
Your protagonist, as are many others, is a little too bitter. Why not live and let live. He professes a great love for Toni, but wouldn't even allow her an explanation. Even dogs are allowed a "first bite." I would have enjoyed it more if they reconciled their relationship, perhaps under a 'new' arrangement.
toni ?
so was that the first cheating toni did? marsha certainly was practiced and helped toni alongafter, before? and that statment about he wanting a way out?
no good came from all the madness
I love it
It was one of my fantasies , but I was afraid my husband would leave me if I did that , than I showed him your story and he got excited , we role play now , I got a part time job at a strip club , and he comes over to watch me flirt with guys ,I got one of the girls to give him a lap dance in the VIP room , and he watched me , in the next chair give a guy a hand job in the VIP room , somehow I dont think this is going to stop here , thank you , you made us both happy
Erica
I'm glad to see...
JPB can make a hero with morals AND a pair of balls.
Unless he turned everything ino cash and buried it he's toast
Even a mediocre attorney puts him in jail for contempt, finds the money in whatever bank account he's put it in and gets half or more for Toni. The Judge orders him to pay the house payment or sell the house and Toni gets half. Then the Judge saddles him with alimony and unless he's moving out of the Country and never coming back or is willing to spend his life in jail, he's going to pay the alimony to just be a free man. Anything else is rubbish. He talks big but a few weeks in ANY jail and he'll be screaming to pay the money. Especially when Bubba makes him his girlfriend.
Fair
"Toni is looking for a way to leave you so I just helped things along." – So why is she so upset by his walking out?
I don't understand why he doesn't want to know now. Who knows, maybe they can even come to some sort of peace with each other!
Its real...
... its maybe fiction, but its also real and it goes on in every street in every town throughout the world. A pair of women confidants, operating under a blood sister code where they share a host of sexual adventures and will deny to the grave to protect, what they see as their right, to the grave. Marsha & Toni are such blood sisters and have committed all manner of sexual adventures tmgdtgdpdpmm day one, of that there is absolutely no doubt.
Marsha's attitude is self explanatory and Toni is asked by Marsha to come along to ggang bang and attends without question and demonstrates she is an old game at this by the casual remark she makes upon entry to the apartment - "Which ones can i have?" she says, as calm as ordering an ice cream.
The only answer is discipline, keep them on a tight reign, lay down the rules and consequences at the beginning, but always expect the unexpected and above all else, make sure they know they're being watched.
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