It has potential. A little background could help, how did skip end up marrying a slut? Try not to pay to much attention to those who will criticize and not even leave a way for you respond to them.
Background. how they meet, what past experiences has he had? how much did he know about her past? then use the past and what we know of the present to build the story.
this thing has a really good dtory in the making.
H20wader@yahoo.com
by
Anonymous09/30/06
LOL
Skip, I'm intrigued... what are you up to?
There are a couple of small editing mistakes (if you want to send me the next chapter just before you post, I'll catch what I can for you) but nothing that detracted too badly.
So, Skip the super wimp... and revenge on the edge of the wind? Hmmm... This is either going to go very well, or very badly. I can't wait to see what happens, darling.
Come on dude geta fucking clue you moron
this isnt that hard to do...
WHY would a GUY still be soooooo in love with the whore wife that she could REPTEADLY go out and fuck any one at anytime in any place this early into a marriage?
would YOU accept this ?
by
Anonymous09/30/06
the lying wife
Why dont he go after her and give her a big kick in the ass or follow her unseen then get revenge on the ass hole thats fucking his wife i think you have a good story the spelling is good you should tell how they met and something about there background on the couple your story got a little bit of aa head start on us dont make the husband a bad since he isnt the one fucking behind her back its the wife i think he should plant some tracking devices on her personals like her purse car then follow her and get the evidence on there affair then divorce her.
Pat Murray
by
Anonymous09/30/06
Good start
This shows promise, Skip. Develop your characters, then take us with you on your story. Thanks.
he has put up with her fucking around on him up till now. So clearly, some 'backstory' is needed.
Good luck! Don't give up with it.
And above all: there are many many jerks who will tell you how terrible your story is, and how you should just go kill yourself rather than writing any more. My advice to you: completely ignore them. They will eventually crawl back under the rocks from which they emerged.
ohio
by
Anonymous09/30/06
Unwilling Cuckold???
What about this picture constitutes Skip being forced into his current situation? When he married Snady he knew she was a slut. He confirmed that she is cheating on him. When he expressed concerns about her behavior she goes out on a 3 day fucking spree. Lastly, Sandy's attitude makes it clear that even if he was in the room she would still fuck someone. Even Skip's view that the first few years of his marriage seems like a silly fantasy.
Skip has two choices: (1) Continue to accept his cuckolding situation (Sandy will eventually ask his to suck her lover's cum out of her pussy) or (2) end this farce of a marriage. Skip does not even have the choice of opening his marriage or having other partners because Sandy clearly have the upper hand in this relationship.
SleeplessinMD
by
Anonymous09/30/06
If you continue,
please get an editor. You switch back and forth from first person to third person narrative several times. Few things are more annoying in a story, as it shows total carelessness on the part of the author.
by
Anonymous09/30/06
uh oh
another pinhead
who thinks he is a writer
just because he can hunt
and peck out a few words
on his keyboard ...ugh
stop!! in the name of
all that is holy
by
Anonymous09/30/06
Cmon Guys - The Man Says He Is Trying To Learn
Construtively - One begins where one can and you have done that openly. It is quite unfair to judge in this short 1st chapter even with the male humiliation subject matter as the writer is an unknown and it sounds as though it is a set up and he will flip on her. He may treat her as she deserves or not.
Writer - an offer from FallingToFly to edit shouldn't be ignored (she is that good) so think about it or shoot yourself now (HA?).
If there are more chapters, note them as such up front as the natives get feisty otherwise.
Marital consequence can be written by anyone as a start to writing as this emotional arena will offer the most constructive comments plus a few or more others to help you grow (or dig).
Hang in there and give us the reality you hint is coming.
With Regard
by
Anonymous10/01/06
not a bad start
Way too short. Please have longer chapters ready to post.
As far as what he might do? Who knows, surprise us!
by
Anonymous10/01/06
A decent start
I am encouraged that the main character is an "unwilling" cuckold. There are too many stories about willing cuckolds on this site. A good first attempt.
don't let the jerkoffs get you down,..you noticed every one of the little people filed anonymously,except Harryin Va,and he's just an asshole obviously.
keep trying,you'll get it.
by
Anonymous10/01/06
Do your job
It's not clear if you intend to write chapter two with help from your readers. If that's the case there's no hope. Just tell your story!
If you do one thing heed Ohio's advice. Don't stop just because some mutants that are too lazy to write their own stories leave moronic comments. Additionally my advice regarding the story itself dovetails with Ohio's comment. You have to tell us something about these people. We have to know why he has allowed his wife to cuckold him and push him around. The reader probably already has a dislike of the female charactor but let's go a little further into their lives. This story has potential and you only chipped an ice cube off the iceberg with this opening.
setting her straight??? no way you just move on.
I was a willing cuck once but that is 'cause I had divorce in mind and in those days it still was considered a crime. I was so friendly and wimpy maybe he thought he could get me too that was till the police at dawn caught them in the act.
Fertig aus, exeunt.
You think this guy will grow a pair and get his revenge, don't bother...it never happens.There is nothing 'super' about this wimp and reading the rest of the story is nothing but a waste of time; I was sucked into it, so let me warn you.
by
Anonymous05/23/13
Too short.
You needed to make something happen. I was hoping that he'd invite Shirley over for a few beers, which would lead to the wife arriving home at 3:30 a.m. and saying, "Shirley you can't be fucking her!"
English
don't write anymore quit while you a head
no common sense and the i love you is shit.get a life and move on.
Potential
It has potential. A little background could help, how did skip end up marrying a slut? Try not to pay to much attention to those who will criticize and not even leave a way for you respond to them.
nice start
like the penguin said
Background. how they meet, what past experiences has he had? how much did he know about her past? then use the past and what we know of the present to build the story.
this thing has a really good dtory in the making.
H20wader@yahoo.com
LOL
Skip, I'm intrigued... what are you up to?
There are a couple of small editing mistakes (if you want to send me the next chapter just before you post, I'll catch what I can for you) but nothing that detracted too badly.
So, Skip the super wimp... and revenge on the edge of the wind? Hmmm... This is either going to go very well, or very badly. I can't wait to see what happens, darling.
*hugs and kisses*
FallingToFly
I know you are NEW but get a fucking brain
Come on dude geta fucking clue you moron
this isnt that hard to do...
WHY would a GUY still be soooooo in love with the whore wife that she could REPTEADLY go out and fuck any one at anytime in any place this early into a marriage?
would YOU accept this ?
the lying wife
Why dont he go after her and give her a big kick in the ass or follow her unseen then get revenge on the ass hole thats fucking his wife i think you have a good story the spelling is good you should tell how they met and something about there background on the couple your story got a little bit of aa head start on us dont make the husband a bad since he isnt the one fucking behind her back its the wife i think he should plant some tracking devices on her personals like her purse car then follow her and get the evidence on there affair then divorce her.
Pat Murray
Good start
This shows promise, Skip. Develop your characters, then take us with you on your story. Thanks.
you have to make clear why
he has put up with her fucking around on him up till now. So clearly, some 'backstory' is needed.
Good luck! Don't give up with it.
And above all: there are many many jerks who will tell you how terrible your story is, and how you should just go kill yourself rather than writing any more. My advice to you: completely ignore them. They will eventually crawl back under the rocks from which they emerged.
ohio
Unwilling Cuckold???
What about this picture constitutes Skip being forced into his current situation? When he married Snady he knew she was a slut. He confirmed that she is cheating on him. When he expressed concerns about her behavior she goes out on a 3 day fucking spree. Lastly, Sandy's attitude makes it clear that even if he was in the room she would still fuck someone. Even Skip's view that the first few years of his marriage seems like a silly fantasy.
Skip has two choices: (1) Continue to accept his cuckolding situation (Sandy will eventually ask his to suck her lover's cum out of her pussy) or (2) end this farce of a marriage. Skip does not even have the choice of opening his marriage or having other partners because Sandy clearly have the upper hand in this relationship.
SleeplessinMD
If you continue,
please get an editor. You switch back and forth from first person to third person narrative several times. Few things are more annoying in a story, as it shows total carelessness on the part of the author.
uh oh
another pinhead
who thinks he is a writer
just because he can hunt
and peck out a few words
on his keyboard ...ugh
stop!! in the name of
all that is holy
Cmon Guys - The Man Says He Is Trying To Learn
Construtively - One begins where one can and you have done that openly. It is quite unfair to judge in this short 1st chapter even with the male humiliation subject matter as the writer is an unknown and it sounds as though it is a set up and he will flip on her. He may treat her as she deserves or not.
Writer - an offer from FallingToFly to edit shouldn't be ignored (she is that good) so think about it or shoot yourself now (HA?).
If there are more chapters, note them as such up front as the natives get feisty otherwise.
Marital consequence can be written by anyone as a start to writing as this emotional arena will offer the most constructive comments plus a few or more others to help you grow (or dig).
Hang in there and give us the reality you hint is coming.
With Regard
not a bad start
Way too short. Please have longer chapters ready to post.
As far as what he might do? Who knows, surprise us!
A decent start
I am encouraged that the main character is an "unwilling" cuckold. There are too many stories about willing cuckolds on this site. A good first attempt.
good start
don't let the jerkoffs get you down,..you noticed every one of the little people filed anonymously,except Harryin Va,and he's just an asshole obviously.
keep trying,you'll get it.
Do your job
It's not clear if you intend to write chapter two with help from your readers. If that's the case there's no hope. Just tell your story!
Keep Going
If you do one thing heed Ohio's advice. Don't stop just because some mutants that are too lazy to write their own stories leave moronic comments. Additionally my advice regarding the story itself dovetails with Ohio's comment. You have to tell us something about these people. We have to know why he has allowed his wife to cuckold him and push him around. The reader probably already has a dislike of the female charactor but let's go a little further into their lives. This story has potential and you only chipped an ice cube off the iceberg with this opening.
the cheating wife
the story is wimpy but skip needs to set her straight or she will put you down every time you want anything sexual from her.
Pat.
Atlanta,Ga
late late comment
setting her straight??? no way you just move on.
I was a willing cuck once but that is 'cause I had divorce in mind and in those days it still was considered a crime. I was so friendly and wimpy maybe he thought he could get me too that was till the police at dawn caught them in the act.
Fertig aus, exeunt.
THE DECESCION
to change is here. TK U MLJ LV NV
Okay
You got me curious. Here I go...
If you're thinking of reading on because...
You think this guy will grow a pair and get his revenge, don't bother...it never happens.There is nothing 'super' about this wimp and reading the rest of the story is nothing but a waste of time; I was sucked into it, so let me warn you.
Too short.
You needed to make something happen. I was hoping that he'd invite Shirley over for a few beers, which would lead to the wife arriving home at 3:30 a.m. and saying, "Shirley you can't be fucking her!"
What A Dumb Cuck!
Only two things to do if you don't want to keep on being a cuck -
Tell that if she goes out that door, don't bother coming back, and MEAN IT! Change the locks, and first thing tomorrow see a divorce lawyer.
Or, go to the same bar she's at, and pick up a chick for yourself. If she says anything, tell her that you've decided to be a "free spirit" too!
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