All Comments on 'Like the First Night We Met'

reduce the poem down to this and you'll have a much improved (and kick-ass) poem:

The first night we met

you weren't real

you were only

impulse,

ecstatic electronic impulse

vibrating in tiny sparks,

colored sparks:

a blue

like a blue bandanna

tied to a white dog

in a snow storm,

blue like nothing else

is color,

but blue, blue blue.

Jagged blue sparks,

impulse,

only impulse.

those damn blue sparks...discharging..discharging into the night

I could see the metaphors streaming to your mind from different semantic fields, and you have to decide: do I choose do I put them all together, will they hang together (so to speak), do I edit out some. You opted for the former; I somehow came with a feeling of mixed metaphors. Each was evocative, no doubt. The auditory channel -screams and silence and t he visual channel of course. The allusion to the elements of written language - all struggling to capture in different ways the same thing for a short poem I felt. a bit thrown around. With your richness, it could have been a basis, as Wicked Eve put it, to a three “kick - ass” separate, maybe each stronger poems.

BTW, I forgot to mention. How could you call the first, I believe eighteen lines non - erotic? Or the whole poem for that matter?

there is something about this repetition and return to the blue that give it a strengh, that it would lack if parsed.