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English
like it
it is a good start to the sroty keep it coming and please can we have a happy ending
Nice lead in. . .
You've got my attention. :D Great lead in and I look forward to finding out more about the demons and the girl and all that came before and after. Your story will be mentioned on the New Story Review Thread found on Lit's Bulletin Boards, in the Author's Hangout Forum. ~ Thanks, Red.
AWESOME!!!!!!
Somethig different. Write another chapter soon!!!
Next one!!!!
Good stuff buddy!!! Love the distopian future apocalypse thing. But you need to be more descriptive. Not in an "she was wearing blah blah blah" way but in a way that is more about the tone and texture of things around her or the environment itself while being very explicit about the sensations she feels and since this is a distopian thing; go for more explicit descriptions of her pain. I really felt that smack down she got but I would have felt it more if you had added how her head vibrated, she felt her brain shift, feelings of vertigo, losing it for a while. Make sure she's still a human, we get so caught up in trying to make an epic character that we forget that they have to be human first. Use her human weakness to make this story awesome!!! But not in a cheesy way.
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