Wow. This was just simply dreadful. No dialogue, the piece was nothing more than lame exposition. Told a story instead of creating a dramatic scene... Awful in every sense of the word. Some words you may wish to include in your future endeavors, "Would you like some fries with that, sir?"
I found this very sad and moving. So much mischief is evoked in the name of some higher power. Such a good write!
There was a reality in some ways in this story.
by
Anonymous10/18/06
tragic yet touching
I think the author's intent was to tell a story not to create a sex laden dialogue. And after reading his other story I believe he is writing about his own personal experience. And where did the "fries" comment come from?
Personally, I found it a pleasant change of pace and my prayers WILL be with you.
by
Anonymous10/20/06
Different
Not good, but different. More time taken to put it into a story form would make it interesting, but as written comes off as a quick diary.
by
Anonymous10/30/06
In My Prays
I pray for her and for you, for you both. That some happiness can be found through all of this. Trust in God's guidience. Lastly, kept your faith in God and his words, for we all could benefit from putting our troubles in God's hands.
Sincerely,
Ilsa
by
Anonymous07/02/12
Ending?
Te ama mi esposa => my wife loves you. I don't get that
English
Just plain terrible writing!
Wow. This was just simply dreadful. No dialogue, the piece was nothing more than lame exposition. Told a story instead of creating a dramatic scene... Awful in every sense of the word. Some words you may wish to include in your future endeavors, "Would you like some fries with that, sir?"
Tender moving Story!
I found this very sad and moving. So much mischief is evoked in the name of some higher power. Such a good write!
There was a reality in some ways in this story.
tragic yet touching
I think the author's intent was to tell a story not to create a sex laden dialogue. And after reading his other story I believe he is writing about his own personal experience. And where did the "fries" comment come from?
Personally, I found it a pleasant change of pace and my prayers WILL be with you.
Different
Not good, but different. More time taken to put it into a story form would make it interesting, but as written comes off as a quick diary.
In My Prays
I pray for her and for you, for you both. That some happiness can be found through all of this. Trust in God's guidience. Lastly, kept your faith in God and his words, for we all could benefit from putting our troubles in God's hands.
Sincerely,
Ilsa
Ending?
Te ama mi esposa => my wife loves you. I don't get that
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Broken Halloween or
More submissions by Butterfly Guy.