All Comments on 'Deep Space'

NOOO!!! Please don't stop there!! This was just long enough to get interesting! Please continue this great story.

This text must continue. Resistance is not an option....

ok, you have the basis for a very good story here, however you need work. my best advice is to get a volunteer editor, check out the volunteer editing section of the site and email one. we are all willing to help, but it seems everyone thinks themselves above editing. (not you, you probably didn't know about it, but most people need it and refuse to get help) specifically in this piece i noticed grammatical errors, i.e., commas, etc. some sentences were a tad awkward, like the one about her zipper somewhere towards the middle. the word vein is in reference to blood vessels, if something is 'in vain' its vain, the reference to vanity and self-absorbment (the reason the expression is called 'in vain,' is because if someone is vain, they are self absorbed, and hence, everything they do doesnt matter to the rest of the world). there are a few more errors in the text scattered around, like i said, best bet is to get an editor to work with.

has been mentioned in the New Story Review Thread in the Author's Hangout found in the forum.

I'm pleased to see such nice comments already.

Nice to see it's made it to the Authors hang out, guess I need to look at that thread now I can claim to be an Author propper.

Yes I was aware of the "Volunteer Editors Program" and I'll be looking for someone I can work with to help me out in future.

I also notice some problems with the formatting too maybe I can get that fixed though

I really enjoyed it ... an excellent first story. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Good to see you submitted, Dragon.

Okay, this is not my genre so I don't feel that I can comment on the content of the story. I am pleased to see you 'up' here on Lit with a submission.

you get a 5 from me, buddy. I do agree with the comment about an editor. That's purely a pedantic POV from me, but I used to submit without editing and I look back now and cringe at my stuff. Less haste...

Sincere good luck wishes, fellah, with any future stuff you do.

Great first story. I'd like to read more too :-)

SN

...cant wait to read the next installment!

Ok, so I loved the concept of the story, although I had a bit of a South Park flash back, Mr. Garrison invented a vehicle that was powered by the ass and mouth - yes, I'm a cartoon junky.

Very unique idea, and I love how you left the little 'well, almost' at the end. Leaves people on the edge of their seats

As for the comments towards getting an editor- I don't know about you, but I don't post on here because I'm trying to get published, I post because I enjoy writing erotic stories. If I wanted to get published, I'd avoid this site like the plague because it's too easy for someone to steal your work. I do literotica for fun.

Very nice though, hope to see more from you in the futur

We've got to have more power Scotty!

Machine want MORE!

I really enjoyed it!

Thanks!

Congrats Dragon, I really enjoyed your story. It made me think about a space probe in a whole new way.

...not the sort of story I'd normally go for but very enjoyable all the same. Looking forward to see where you go from here.....

Well you finally did it Dragon. You submitted a story, not my usual reading but I did enjoy it. Just glad I could help give you the kick up the butt you needed........if you need another just give me a shout anytime you want babe!

slave xxxx

I liked that, again, the machine is big but the little one controls lol,

Yes...I did enjoy this Dragon. Like many of the other readers this isn't my normal area of interest, but I found it sexy and well written.....and look forward to more of your offerings. Well done,

It held my interest in a subject I don't usually venture into.

It is a great story and I will surely be looking forward to other offerings!

take care,

dn

Exciting story and just HAS to have a Part 2.

Towel wetting: 1.5

(smile)

milly mooe(s) a lot

Well written and very hot. As others have said, I also am not a sci fi fan but this story was really enjoyable. Will definitely read the next installment (there HAS to be a next installment). Hope you enjoyed writing it just as much xx

lol - great effort Dragonteeth and I am more than eager to see the next part. You have a wild imagination!!

My first time on here,if the rest are like this one will never move off here. Great imagination

Made me think of one of my first erotic stimuli...Babarella... original and very sensuous female POV from a big bloke like you...nice one! Felt aroused reading it...didnt think I would at first so a nice surprise...

wildancer

Dragon,

Great story! It certainly needs to continue as we are waiting to see the next level between woman and machine.(Ponders what her orgasm will trigger in the machine?) But can see that this would make a fantastic erotic comic. More episodes please.

As far as the editing, just a few touches as there are a couple of notices that are minor distractions to readers like me. ;) If you are serious about doing more writing, a good editor will help you with the setups to keep the flow between episodes. Altogether, a great job for a first submission.

good story..more now please?

velly

But this one has certainly motivated me to try in future!

If *THAT* is how you pilot the ship into hyperspace I'm *DYING* to know how you fire the phasers! :D

Interesting start of what looks like a longer story. Why is Kismet having sex if it's unfulfilling? What does she do for a living that she can set her course for a random direction? Or is she just bored and wealthy? What is her attraction that others watch her with "hunger in their eyes"? And what is the alien ship's purpose? Looking for a new pilot? What? Interesting start, but no follow up is sad.

Suggestions:

"Back aboard her ship she started to feel the tension ebb, this.." I'd recommend this be two sentences, not a comma.

"The Keyed in the control codes..." I believe that should be "She keyed in ..."

"As she drew closer details became visible, clearly.." Again, recommend two sentences, not a comma. Run on sentences work sometimes, but not always.

"Kismet felt the onset of her orgasm and desperately tried to slow down, but all was in vein ..." Should be "vain."

More please! There has to be a part two!

More! This is wonderful work!

This has me see stars too