- All
Comments (6) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Thanks
Because you were gracious enough in your first paragraphs to say that the story was going to be a slog to read, that's all I read. Your intro saved me the trouble of reading further
Good start (I hope?)
I really likes this story... a very interesting beginning...
And to the person who 'thanked' you for warning him about the story? Well, yes, we wouldn't want to clutter up his/her/its room temperature IQ with long words and plot lines, would we? Poor dear, it's NOT his fault he has more teeth than brain cells, it really isn't!
This could be a readable story
It could be, if you get an editor to help withyou short choppy sentences. Ane to fix those sentences taht do not really make sense. " It's not always easy to care take your entire town" I wonder care taker, take care of or just what did he have in mind. There are a large group of short choppy sentences "Riverstill was the perfect tourist destination. It had something for every one. And for every season" with out subjects verbs etc etc.
A good test (and this is an almost always rule except for character sentences), is to take the word grouping written as a sentence and see if it makes any sense by itself. The editos are free please try one.
I`m looking forward to this!
^__^
W00T!!!
I can't wait for this to get going!! Well, it's already going, but you know what I mean. Love your stuff and I'm sure this will be great too. :-)
great beginning
looking forward to this...please post the next chapter soon......
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Riverstill Angel or
More submissions by MINKX.