All Comments on 'Give It Away: Reprise'

DJ,

I liked it a lot. It is a good story well told in a short format.

Closure is always good. The only down side I see to this little story is that she didn't open up to her husband and share her pain and fears. However, some people are like that. They bottle up their feelings and then those feelings eat away at them like a cancer. They may argue about small things but they never reveal what they have hidden down deep. Even though their first marriage ended up being a train wreck, there was enough love, understanding and forgivenes to rebuild a loving relationship and make it work. Thank you for sharing, Jack. This was a good one.

Jack, Jack, Jack - - -

I think you really blew it. There was no reason whatsoever that Cindy had to develop a terminal disease. I suggest you go back to your word processor and re-write the ending. The abruptness of the ending makes me think that you tired of the story, and just wanted a quick finish.

Please, do a minor re-write.

A solid fan,

Prof. Ramstein

For me the continuation doesn't really fit with the original. I prefer realism to artificial sweetner. I easily accept that the author feels differently and congratulate him on how interesting I found the journey in the wrong direction.

Jack, I place this one along with "Laura's Vinyard". A real classic. I didn't mind the sometimes quirkiness of the plot. That's life; never a straight line, even for an architect.

Jack, I always like your stories and this is up there with the best of them. I thank you for finishing the Give it Away story as I thought it was unfinished as well. You did a great job.

Jack,

This story did need an ending and this is the right one. Thanks for anther great story from one of the masters of the craft.

Now I can see why you use Dynamite Jack This was a dynamite of a tale. Well done. I wondered why you didn't use a little irony and have her killed in a rock slide or car wreck. Dangers that we all live with; the same as a Law Enforcemnt officer.

Enjoy all most all of your tales so far :-)

Okay, this "continuation" was done pretty well in that (for talking purposes) all the i's were dotted, all the t's crossed, the paragraphs were there where they should be…but the people inhabiting the story were just about brand new. Seems to me someone writing a sequel to another author's work should stay true to the guidelines set up by the original writer, and that includes the emotional/psychological makeup of the characters. I don’t know why people think the original story was incomplete. Not every “slice of life” is going to play out with everyone being happy and contented. Sometimes the bad guys win. Sometimes a divorce and complete separation is the right answer. Oh, one other thing. I hope the current trend of writers killing off people in their stories (with cancer of one kind or another) has about run its course. It’s getting monotonous.

Very good entertainment and expansive work.

It's shame that George Strait doesn't have a second song as Kitty Wells answer to Hank William's on his "Honky Tonk Angel"

written than the first part. The characterization of Cindy was more complete (she seems like a different person) and expressive. In the first story, I never knew why Cindy suddenly up and leaves Jerry. It made no sense and then the way she behaved I thought the ending of the first story was the proper finish.

Now you have seemed to redeem her. The only question I had was with all her phones disconnected how was Jerry supposed to call her?

SleeplessinMD

I know their years together were happy. The children could help do that. But I somehow still feel sadness from this story.

Great writing DJ.

Great love story, patricularly the second part

I liked it.. It sounded real to me even though I found his wife somewhat immature in her attitude to his work.. And there was no cheating.. Yeah I liked it :) Cheers Yoron.

I thought this was very good. One little plot hole -- a cop, or even an ex-cop, can easily find out if anyone has a phone by looking in the police computer (or asking an ex-partner to do it for him). Surely Cindy did not disconnect her cell phone! Also, I believe you called Jerry "Dave" at the beginning of this chapter ("Dave" is in surgery). Despite these little glitches, I really liked the story. Please keep writing.

Jake

As I read your stories, I feel that my comments on each become a little superfluous, Have you ever written a bad story? I haven't found one yet.

Probably you don't have a lot of correspondents who can appreciate the story from the wife's part. I was lucky, my wife was able to handle 3 years with me as a soldier, mostly overseas, then 35 years as a cop. Many were not so lucky, I gave up counting the number of marraiges that failed because of the stress on a spouse, saying goodbye to their life partner as they left for work, not knowing whether the partner would come home uninjured. injured, or never come home at all. The spouse of any emergency worker has to be special. Let's face it, a rifle volley, the Last Post and a folded flag don't make up for a life cut short.

Bob T

Are all LW authors boozers? It seems so from the characters they invent.

Do any of them have rudimentary conversation skills; ability to communicate with their spouse. It doesn't seem like it. Can any of them create characters that will confront situations rather than simply deny them or run from them?

In several places the change of scene was only obvious several paragraphs after the scene or the characters changed. The move to Lawrence contained the most confusing writing; and this with several editors helping out? What gives?

Most of the dialog was well written and intelligent, with few types so I enjoyed the story.

I really like both stories and am very familiar with the song "Give it Away." I love happy endings, especially when there is character growth. But like the previous commenter, there were times when it was hard to follow scene changes and there were a few wrong words used. Just simple mistyping errors here and there.

I've asked myself often if I could write a narrative like this. How do I develop the characters? How do I come up with convincing dialogue that fits with the personality of each character? It’s one thing to write about a chain of events saying this happened, then that, and so on. But to make characters that come alive with vivid personalities is something else. I guess the first way to create believable characters is use people we know as models. How would they react and what would they say in a given situation? How do they tease and play? How are they when serious or when passionate?

Maybe someday I’ll take the challenge and give writing a try. I’ve enjoyed your work and am looking forward to reading all of your work.

I mean SERIOUSLY. She leaves because he's a cop and he MIGHT get hurt. For Christ's sake. Cops don't have the MOST dangerous jobs, nor even the Fifth most dangerous. He was better off without her.

Jake, it is such a shame you aren't contributing here anymore. I have to just keep reading this and your other stories countless times. Your skill here is unmatched.

Cop, fireman, active military.

The "not knowing" is more than a lot of spouses can handle.

Good tale.

Thx.

It is not an absolute -

Everyone can be right - MC did not like any part of this an felt it was unreal and a bad concept - cool.

I felt it worked as a real life representation of way too many people ( as did MC in his way) but not as a bad example - every once in a while it is noce to have an early comment so well validated in the follow nup story. She was to young, she failed to se a reason to grow up and did not - until she had to. Then she did an quickly good for her.

He remained true to who and what he was - a good guy adrenaline junkie (like most cops) who got great satisfaction from going home every day knowing he "did good" for someone. He accepted her issue and KNEW he would not have changed his direction - but - he loved the woman he loved - there is no flaw there.

They both grew and understood what happened - to some degree anyway - and were able to love past it (not forget it) then the worst did happen and she rose above herself and was there for him and HE was able to accept her and they moved on. At that point he could have gone back on the force and it would have worked - he did not and did not need to so it was a little easier but it was all there finally -

Small but import reminder - she NEVER ever considered another guy - so much for the "she just wants to cheat" crwd!!

Nicely done - thanks again -

thanks for finishing this story

both the first and last part are great reading

Five stars. An amazing story of love.

Great story Jake. I am from Kansas City Kansas lived in Overland Park and spent many many summer days out at Shawnee Mission Park. I love reading stories when details are used of places I have been or know about. The part of the story Cindy goes talking about a nice place to eat near Wyandotte High School really had me thinking. You must not have lived in KCK for a very long time because there are no nice places near Wyandotte anymore. lol oh well keep up the great work

A much better ending than the first part.

Really enjoyed your story and your use of actual places. I am a Colorado Native and Southwestern Colorado is where my family is from. One of my brothers even worked at Mesa Verde. In my younger years I have climed all through the Cliff Dwellings; I am glad I did it when I was able, I am disabled now and would never be able to make the climbs.

I enjoyed this story, I think it was very well written and very nicely told. I am of mixed emotions about the resolution of the marriage/divorce of the couple. But I suppose, as they say, love is a fickle thing, and if he could forgive her for her desertion of him, and of their marriage, then he is a better man than I.

A thoroughly enjoyable story.

I'd of sold EVERYTHING, the house and all its furnishings. melted her ring, sold the gold and diamond, and sent her a picture of it melted, and a check of what I received for the ring. Quit my job and moved as far away as I could, leaving no forwarding address. She wanted a divorce, she can have it. Screw her!

It is a good story and entertaining to read. My reaction to the ending was the same as the first time. Throwing in a serious illness for Cindy was unnecessary and superfluous.

Just finished this chapter and it was super. My comments on chapter one were made before I realized that there was chapter two.

Great finish to the story. Well written and extremely enjoyable.

Thanks

I enjoyed both parts a lot. The only problem I had with it was something the author said in his preface. He said he believes the song the story is based on, “Give It Away”, is one of the best country songs ever written. It’s all subjective, of course, but I can’t help but believe he’s in a vast minority with that opinion.

I'd NEVER of gotten back together with her. She made up her mind she wanted a divorce, she got what she wanted. Now she wants me back again, NO FUCKING WAY!

Sorry but,this story should have ended after part 1! Why would he want anything to do with a woman he'd given his all to,just to be left high and dry?! ~~ I shudder to think what you'll write if you decide to center a story around Toby Keith's "How Do You Like Me Now?"

almost a five... degraded to a two. She is still a conniving self centered harpie. She wants him back now that he cannot live his life's work. Now she is in the mood to saddle him with children. flashing her pussy at him when he is vulnerable and too dumb to think.

And who is Dave and why do we care if he is in surgery?

forgot the other flaws...

Reprise was by far the better of the two. One complaint, "That night with Jerry was the best sex Jerry and I had ever had." clearly implies to me she had better sex with someone else... Liked the RAAC but you have done better.

Finaly a story more than 2 pages with n ending. Seems like alot of the writers just do quickie stories like hit n run no depth or decent endings. I like reading the comments at the end Funny to see how people think sometimes shows me why we r living in the world we do. But with that said i liked it think it was a nice finish. Thanks for ur hard work

Sorry Jake,

I know these are old stories and you’re probably never going to see this, but this doesn’t work. She wants him back AFTER he can’t be a cop anymore. AFTER he has to go with the consolation prize job at the university and later as a writer.

That’s a person who doesn’t desrerve a happy ending, He deserves better than Cindy as a spouse. Too bad you couldn’t bring yourself to write him one,

I seem to be in minority here. I have good feelings about this story in that I'm lucky enough to have lived a bit of parallel. Not completely, but close enough for government work .

Thank you Jake, you done good son.

*****The god's have conspired against me this year.****** Why do so many writers mistake the ' ? Putting an ' on a word denotes possession, NOT plurality.

Me, I would of donated all her left over clothing, melted all jewelry(and sold it) and burned anything left.