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Interesting. I like it. I read it earlier and couldn't think of a nifty comment. So, I gave up and just decided to say I like it. :)
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clever phrasing, interesting twists, but in my opinion too much of a good thing... I found myself putting it into sing song rhythm, which to me, took away from the darker meaning.... but I could be way off, would not be the first time :)
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The light veneer of
Rhythm & rhyme
Serves all the more to highlight the
Darkness underneath.
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