good jod until you had daughter using dildo and then dad finding her hymen didnt it break with 8 inches od that dildo in her
by
Anonymous12/03/06
You need
You need to find a good editor. Real bad.
by
Anonymous12/03/06
Find an editor
Comma usage would be helpful.
by
Anonymous12/03/06
Really a dumb story
Sorry but it's true
by
Anonymous12/03/06
Crap
First take a lesson in Anatomy
Then take a lesson in English
Then try to keep your facts straight
by
Anonymous12/04/06
*Agrees with all over the comments*
First off, that was so awfully written I could barely stand to read it. Punctuation, use it!
And yeah...an 12-inch dildo doesn't break her hymen but her dads 8-inch penis does? Erm...maybe not.
by
Anonymous12/07/06
Redo
This was a very good try, but puncuation would have made the story flow better. And the fact that she was a virgin using a 12" dildo and it did not break through her hymen, but her father's 8" did, not at all biologically possible. Redo the story and edit.
by
Anonymous12/11/06
Please find an editor
Great story line, but I have to agree with the other comments about the dildo vs. dad's "member."
Editors are readily available at Literotica. Choose one, let them give you pointers. It will really make a difference.
I enjoyed your story. There are some flaws which have been mentioned already. The people who were so nasty in their criticism should just leave off. I wish people would be more constructive in their criticism. "Crap" is a crappy thing to call anyones work. Who died and made you Dorthey Parker. I just wanted to mention a couple of things you don't know. You can make corrections to a story and re-post it. There are instructions in the FAQ. Also, you can delete comments if you want. I usually only delete ones that flame. Good luck with your other work.
English
not to bad
good jod until you had daughter using dildo and then dad finding her hymen didnt it break with 8 inches od that dildo in her
You need
You need to find a good editor. Real bad.
Find an editor
Comma usage would be helpful.
Really a dumb story
Sorry but it's true
Crap
First take a lesson in Anatomy
Then take a lesson in English
Then try to keep your facts straight
*Agrees with all over the comments*
First off, that was so awfully written I could barely stand to read it. Punctuation, use it!
And yeah...an 12-inch dildo doesn't break her hymen but her dads 8-inch penis does? Erm...maybe not.
Redo
This was a very good try, but puncuation would have made the story flow better. And the fact that she was a virgin using a 12" dildo and it did not break through her hymen, but her father's 8" did, not at all biologically possible. Redo the story and edit.
Please find an editor
Great story line, but I have to agree with the other comments about the dildo vs. dad's "member."
Editors are readily available at Literotica. Choose one, let them give you pointers. It will really make a difference.
Leave off
I enjoyed your story. There are some flaws which have been mentioned already. The people who were so nasty in their criticism should just leave off. I wish people would be more constructive in their criticism. "Crap" is a crappy thing to call anyones work. Who died and made you Dorthey Parker. I just wanted to mention a couple of things you don't know. You can make corrections to a story and re-post it. There are instructions in the FAQ. Also, you can delete comments if you want. I usually only delete ones that flame. Good luck with your other work.
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