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Needs completion
Loved the Sawyer Brown. A very heart wrenching story.
The only reason I did not give a 5 was it needs finishing.
Why now did she have an affair?
Was it only this one?
Why/when did they stop communicating?
What happens now? therapy?anger?separation?
Love the emotion. My heart, right now, is hurtingfor them both (more for him obviously - but she is hurting too.)
Keep writing! please!!!
A well written snippet of life.
This was truly great work. You took a song and fleshed it out so that we readers could live the moment with your characters.
Pay no attention to the folks who forgot to take their anti-dumb pills.
this was no story!
this was a little pseudo tragic play on stage; it was total nonsense. of course, there's some very sensitive women and men, they'd be flying high, singing is a piece of art here in Lit., no doubt!
the author's very capable enough; it has nothing to do with her. the story was just complete nonsense.
Actually this comment is to aventuraangel and his
remark on the story. Man!!! Your brain is really fucked up man. How about I come over and fuck your old lady maybe your daughter too. Then after I leave you can sit around and work it out on how you'll live with it. NO sir, revenge is the name of the gane for a cheating wife or husband. oh yes, and I wasn't thinking of the husband walking out and leaving everything. I was thinking more on the lines of throwing the bitch out and making her walk away from everything.
Kramer vs Kramer
This was Kramer vs. Kramer without a POV. The writing was technically first person but I could not detect the man speaking. This was like reading about a ghost speaking of the living.
Great Writing
Great development of characters, yes these people have become rather flat. The story flowed like real life and thought. The reader gets information in a natural way. Thank you for omitting the too frequent listing of personal appearance, initial meeting and most of all for omitting sound activated recorders. But that is the purview of the revenge crowd isn't it? You presented the drift toward a humdrum existence, as well as the destructive desperation to escape it. The narrator portrays a bleak marriage that has only habit and duty but no joy. The beef jerky is a good metaphore for its probable future course.
My only quibble is the hug. Can't picture that. Watching the copulation is more likely to shut off any remaining inimacy.
I am sorry to have read this before bedtime. It's a little too disturbing in its depiction of life. Now I could use a new fix from Egmont Grigor in his "Valley of Sinners" series. He creates a happy if unrealistic world of fornication with little negative consequences. Alas there is no update from him today. Life is difficult to escape on Literotica sometimes. Maybe a glass of wine will do the trick.
Again, a well written story Selena.
Too much pain...
Very well written by a talented author. I think the point that is being missed by some who are calling the husband a wimp is that the hug doesn't mean he accepts her but that he doesn't care any more. That's why it's such a sad story.
There is not enough love left to generate strong emotion on his part. There's not enough left for heat or anger. He won't let her say she's sorry. He understands the marriage is over it has been nothing but a habit for a long time. It takes time to break a habit. He's not even as angry at her as he is at a stranger, he doesn't care that much. Hugging his wife when asked is a habit. Getting a hug when he's hurting is a habit too.
He understood enough to say that the hug should be misunderstood.
My only real problem is that it isn't made clear that the wife understand the magnitude of what she's done. I've read the song but not heard it but it sounds like the woman in the song understands she's destroyed he marriage. Here I don't see evidence that she understands her guilt. I don't just mean cheating in her husband's bed, but letting the home that she's supposed to be nurturing wither. It sounds like she doesn't work outside the home. It also sounds like Jim has made great sacrifics to make that possible.
I find her attempt to divert some of the blame to him to be very human, but it also shows how little she understands. Yes, her life is a never ending repitition... but so is his. His hands are work calloused. He had settled for what little she gave, but he never understood that because she gave so little the love that should be burning brightly inside him was a dead as a fireplace in July.
Josephous has a point
when a man tells you how his hands have calloused over the years --- transforming from a hard drinking, undisciplined, fisty young man to a hard working, devoted, and, yes, unawared husband and father who's trying hard to raise his children and provide for a wife --- and how he comes home to hear noises about the wife making, "Harder, Johnny, Harder, you're gone farther than my uncaring husband ever has!", there's little chance that, despite his seemingly coolness about the whole thing, that deep inside his love and cherishing for the woman has died.
it's sad that she doesn't know; she thinks they are just in awkward, silent moments, as if though she's expecting him to say, "Gosh, honey, how lucky it was that I just came home to find you working laboriously under Johnny, in our marital bed! How luck am I? You're right, I could have been castrated by you, for being such a lousy lover, compared to Johnny Romance there! I am so sorry, could you ever forgive me? I will from now on double, triple my effort! Please, could you forgive me? Let's go and talk to a marriage counselor."
But, as Josephous said, the hugging the man bestowed on his wife, a woman he once loved deeply,,, it's likely one of the last,,, He now will work harder to help support that in that out-of-state insitution,,,, but his loneliness and sadness are from now on to be dealt with by himself, for he has just lost someone he thought was a team member who would suffer and cry with him,,,, but instead, this was a woman who FUCKED laborious on their bed and the first thing she said to him was that he had let their marriage die!
Very sad indeed.
Wow!
You get a 5 from me because of all of the comments that this story generated. Suggests that it hit it's mark very well.
It was indeed a very sad story and is probably best left as it is.
HOWEVER, I would really be interested in seeing how you envision the next part of their story. I always find it interesting to see how an author would conclude such a traumatic an event in someone's life.
Too Much WAS Not said!!
Sorry Kitty...unless the hug at the end was the realization of the death of their marriage... this episodic moment in their lives fully separated their future together...It sours all their attempts to overcome their struggles, their hopes and their dreams including the ups and downs... to that frightful premeditated moment when she decided to bring her lover home to fuck her in their bed in the afternoon...I don't know what she was thinking [maybe explore her POV] but her actions destroyed this man fully...Was it good Molly...Do you hate me this much..simple "yes" or "no" questions should have been asked but of course he only asked the proverbial "why"... as if a correct answer would assuage the moment when really there is no answer... so why ask it.
It appears the author wants the husband to realize that all his efforts to make a better life for them was a sham because it appears that at the first opportunity for her to do something outside of the HOME eg: cooking and computer classes... was to find some guy to fuck...his wake up call was her desire to act outside the marriage.. a marriage that she thought was sufficating.
And how many guys out there would not take advantage of such a woman...even the meekest of predators look for women like this...
Nope, the stark reality of "all these years"...is that.. she wanted out and found a way to tell him.
The menu on the fidge should have said "your goose is cooked"...there's seconds in the bedroom.
Good writing though.
Andy
You do have a talent
SelenaKittyn,
to ruin a night of reading. There are several ladies who write on Lit. that have an ability to spin a story that grabs the reader. Patricia51 and yourself head that select field. You have told a story of two people who have gone their own way in the marriage. She feels totally unappreciated and reacts (however inapropriate it may have been). She is just beginning to realize that there are consequences as the story ends. He has slowly been beaten down by her witholding and withdrawal until this final act of treachery. The readers who can't understand why he didn't smite all concerned hip and thigh are fools; when you have run on empty for so long, what you would like to do is an impossibility, and this final act on her part simply put the exclamation point to the end of their married life. He couldn't act or react because he wasn't able to, as much as he would have liked to do so. It is a story of a man whose wife spent years beating him down and finally totally destroyed him in one last vicious act of betrayal and if the truth were known could not explain why she did it. Thank you for a thought provoking story. Ronnie W.
A Reality play twisted
you capture the raw emotion perfectly, and the ambiguous ending mirrors the messiness and uncertainty of real life. "Been there, felt that, you just carry on...."
Not my fave flavour of LW tale, and I honestly prefer your more sexually driven romps, but a testament to your talent that you shift gears effectively, and ad a meaningful story to Lit.
well written but
did not appeal to me.
Troubling Purpose, Authors and Female Reactions
This isn't about the talent displayed - it's about the purpose and the plausibility of her words.
Eliciting emotion is a task given each writer. The talented ones have it down to an art form but with that comes some responsibility. A song doesn't grant the rightly wrong of inappropriateness to spread anguish unfairly just because emotions are there to be mangled unfairly.
A good beat doesn't warrant acceptance without some human characteristics that ring of reality as appropriate to the circumstance. Eric Clapton sang about his son's fall to his death with an emotional acceptance and clarity that made some sense. It wasn't twisted to secure warpage as this writers version of a song that preyed upon emotions with deliberately inappropriate twisted reasoning.
Anyone who couldn't read this as her attempt to create either a way out or to cause painful acceptance of his fault without question - has been drinking an effeminate or sensitive writers bathwater.
Some writers here feel bulletproof as long as they are exercising their right to do whatever they wish - after all there is no one saying that will hurt your book sales cuz there are no books sales in jeopardy.
But some good writers are so blinded by their own light that they think that they are their own sounding board - of any real value. So much so that when their creative juices are really flowing [ downhill to most of normal sensibility's ]they can only see them lapping on the shore of an invincibly Kevlar barrier or one of total blind acceptance due to what has preceded. It ain't totally so.
Should the writer have the right to float a new direction - to take a stab at something never done before - by them?
Why of course! They have the right to do anything the site rulemeisters allow but without any guaranty of it playing well in Peoria - or no "H"ing here against their prior grain so to speak.
Authoress, do what you wish but a good talented beat doesn't automatically sell songs or credibility - in fact the stain may not eventually be forgoten.
A oncer may be applauded by some for some inexplicable reason like advocating necessary sensitivity to killing puppies while the juices of grape or lemming-osity is overflowing but like multiple marital infidelities they grows more offensive in number.
Enough - you are too good to walk a non-defensible path again - I hope.
"The rightly wrong of inappropriateness"
To the person below who just commented:
I'm impressed with the length and depth of your review. It's just that I don't have a clue about what you wrote. But I do love the "rightly wrong of inappropriateness." I gotta work that into a conversation some time.
This is fun!
I should write for LW more often... you guys are fun :)
As for this: "Authoress, do what you wish but a good talented beat doesn't automatically sell songs or credibility - in fact the stain may not eventually be forgoten."
I hope it isn't forgotten. I really do. I get tired of reading the same old thing in LW... why do you think I started the story the way I did? :) I wanted to write something off-formula, with real people, real emotions, instead of cardboard standups that you all could knock down with an easy blow. The world isn't black and white, and fiction should, imho, reflect the world.
Yes, there are places for happy endings. This wasn't one of them. In fact, this was a place for a painful, ambiguous ending... and remember, as a writer, I follow my characters. I am not playing God with these people... I am listening to them, telling their story. This was their story.
Some of you have really heard the message here and taken it in. Some of you have missed the point entirely, blinded by your own pain. Either way, this arrow hit the mark, and in that, I feel satisfied. Yes, painful, but true.
Most comments I've received have been about the "ending." I had to laugh at the poster who claimed "in my professional opinion." If you treat your clients as an average statistic, I feel sorry for both you and your clients :( People have as many different reactions to circumstances as there are individuals in the world... you should never assume a "typical" response... from anyone.
But as for him "taking her back." He didn't. Never once did he say so, in fact, he said the opposite...
Think of it this way... the whole "getting familiar" with everything--routine, life, etc... is what has caused their marriage to collapse in the first place. It's what she has done, it's what he has done... they have both let familiarity and routine erode their marriage.
So what is the first thing they do when they discover the devastating consequences of what they have done?
The FAMILIAR. That's the hug. It's not intimacy or reconciliation. It's irony... this is what we humans do, again and again, to sabotage ourselves... the same thing, the same pattern, over and over... and here they go again...
yes, it's sad...
but it's life. Welcome to the real world?
Thank you all for your feedback.
Selena
Sad but true.
A well deserved five. SelenaKitten, thank you for your story and your comment. You are right on. The rubes are boobs. You've class and smarts and your powers of observation are well honed. Your points were incisively delivered.
Phil
Singled out for speaking the truth
I was not the only one who expressed doubts about the hugging portion of the story, yet apparently I was singled out and chosen to be laughed at my opinion and be the recipient of the author’s expression of sorrow at me and the people I see just because I dared pointing out the basis of my opinion. BTW, other people have also expressed doubt about that part; do you also feel sorry for them and laugh at their opinion? They must have arrived at their conclusion based on SOME life experience
I simply said the truth. Not a theory. Not an opinion. Not a statistic. I have not encountered this kind of behavior (i.e. couples hugging each other immediately after one spouse catching the other cheating) I clearly must have hit a nerve to get that much wrath.
To be clear, I never said it could never happen. I said that I have not seen this kind of behavior and that’s why it came across to me as incredible. Could there be rare exceptions? Of course. BTW, I realize that hugs could mean many things. Still I have not heard of any. It may be a nice poetic construct but it still does not sound credible.
When you respond to readers in the manner you chose to respond to me, you do not disrespect me. I was respectful in both posts despite your choice of style. You mostly disrespect yourself. You convey that you can not tolerate descent, especially when it’s anchored in reality. The sound of your laughter here is incredible as much as your response to my respectful opinion is rude. (Feeling sorry for me and for the people I have seen). My advice - never disrespect your readers.
help for the wife
I think you have a moving story Selena but you didnt show what the husband wanted to say to the wife like him laying down the rules to what he will do to her lover like vengeance against him telling the wife that he caught him and his wife screwing in there bed then getting his payback to his wife why didnt he do that?
Pat .
Atlanta,Ga.
Excellent
I don't read many stories on Lit anymore but one with 69 comments when I started caught my attention. Of course the comments were interesting reading too. This captured life-excellent job!
To Kolkore
If you felt disrespected, I apologize. I didn't even go back to see who had posted that (6 pages of comments is too much to wade back through, dangit! :) and didn't mean to single you out. My point was that, in spite of the "usual" responses to cheating that one might encounter as a professional (or otherwise)... there are many many more atypical responses, as well. For there to be an "average," there have to be extremes on either end, no?
Would it make you feel better to know that this actually happened? That an actual human being has been in this situation and responded this way? Would that make a difference, I wonder?
You maligned the "credibility" of the character's response in your original post, based on your professional experience... but from my view, his response is no less valid, simply because it is atypical.
Just because I've never experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Know what I mean?
But thanks again for your feedback, and I apologize if you were upset by my explanation.
Selena
Feeling better already…
In a way it is about feeling good when we write. Either as authors or as readers who post comments. Thank you for your civil tone. You make a fair point reg. a - typical cases (different than average). It has been said that reality can be stranger than fiction. Yet, the difficult challenge for authors is to walk on a thin line which would allow readers to feel that even a fictitious plot could have been a reality. If you aimed at depicting an emotional situation or a behavior which are not common or familiar to many, the reaction of ‘I can’t recognize it’ could be attributed to either the theme you chose or the way you worked it into the story or both. Seems to me that despite this difficulty there is a considerable number of readers who did not find any problem (to say the least) with said hugging. I would consider it a success.
Finally, I have not maligned anything. Just conveyed my own reaction to the depiction in the story. It is very possible that had I seen concrete cases akin to the one you described in the story it could have affected my reaction. I believe we all react base on our life experience/knowledge.
It is always a shame when authors enter the fray
of comments on their own story, except maybe with an explanation re delays or similar.
Every reader's opinion is valid, no matter how far it departs from what the author THINKS s/he meant to convey in their story.
Arguing with commentators or belittling their opinions may increase the comment count, but will never add to the author's credibility or to the likelyhood discerning readers will bother with the next story.
It is the author's brief to convey their ideas as clearly as possible to the reader. If a large proportion of readers do not agree with the author's opinion of what the author thought they wrote, then THE READERS ARE RIGHT, and the author failed in their job.
Okay, maybe you can say, "Three really clever people figured out what I meant", but what are you then inferring about the rest of us?
If you are writing for those three, email them your next story and don't bother with the rest of us silly buggers who know nothing.
But always remember, if too many readers don't 'get it', you didn't write right.
It's that simple!
Dear Authoress
How can you argue that your opinion based on a song is any more valid than ours who find fault with your now admitted intended delivery of a man foreign to 99% of us?
Your reasoning so stated was cuz you can - to be different - less cardboardish - how silly. Do you feel so comfortable as to disdain ("This is Fun")those who differ?
There are writers here much more talented than you but they don't have the credibility and the earned respect that drove it like you did.
Following that you happily said that our tainted memory of you was glaringly valuable to you and intended! In the morning's light and non-defensive clarity, I and many hope that your wish changes as it doesn't seem to be you - it won't wear well long-term.
So many comments should create more than pride. It should raise a flag of forward considerations - more or less.
Lastly, it is a mistake to take on the natives which you should know by now. Besides much was constructive as I read with most without serious venom - just why the disingenuous hug - the song didn't grant that licence - you did.
Hopefully it was a learning curve thing. If you want to write disrespectful unlikely human responses in a tale use another pen name to get it out of your system. Then you won't have to defend it as being intentionally counter to your respected norm.
Enough of this - please entertain us again as you - please.
lastly...
To this:
"How can you argue that your opinion based on a song is any more valid than ours who find fault with your now admitted intended delivery of a man foreign to 99% of us?"
Not MORE valid. Just AS valid. And it happens much more often that you realize or would be reflected here.
To this:
"If a large proportion of readers do not agree with the author's opinion of what the author thought they wrote, then THE READERS ARE RIGHT, and the author failed in their job."
I might agree with you in any other category but this. I think LW is too polarized to make a true assessment. I think measure of success in this particular category has to be measured by amount of responses rather than actual content. In that, I seem to have succeeded. And even if your theory were correct in this case, if you look, the actual comments for or against understanding his motivation are quite evenly split. I do not believe that 50% counts as a "large proportion."
Again, thank you all for your comments. I'll leave you to them. :)
Selena
Excellent Story
I'm rating this tale not for the erotic content, which was minimal, but for the sheer force of the narrative and your painfully accurate portrait of a marriage on the brink of collapse. Okay, so there's no tidy resolution, but how often do we get those in real life? Well done.
Very powerful
Keep up the high-class work...
Authoress - You Disappoint - Again
You defend the only half bad comments as good or better - how strange for someone who knows how an "H" is achieved.
Next - One reads Marital Consequence stories to see how the writer handles respect and self respect. Whether they are fair with their offended characters.
Lets try this. When you felt disrespected and defensive by some reader comments you addressed them as best you could to try to build back up your credibility (in some you tried to discredit to regain the edge you felt that you lost, in others you disrespected the readers who you offended).
You obviously understand that respect is paramount to any acceptance and therefore success - or we wouldn't see two rebuttal comments from you to try to regain reader respect.
So now that we know that you value respect and the credibility it drives, why did you disrespect your poor bastard husband who instantly and convolutedly hugged his now just discovered whore? Truly a braindead "and" sensitive male - cmon.
Because you could is one non-cardboardish answer, but it resulted in disrespect - carelessly dispatched by you and now felt by us of you.
Lastly constructive, perpetuating this exchange is less productive for you and adds more sludge to this lessor effort which needs to go away. Unless most comments and no more appreciative "H"s is your new direction?
Holy crap, Batman!! This is good stuff!!
Selena, I bow to a masterful display of truly evocative writing. That you have successfully attained your goals is evidenced by the comments you've gotten. To have provoked such an emotional response from such a brief bit of writing is testament to considerable skill at your chosen art. Those who cry, "Hubby's a wimp!" are perhaps too accustomed to instant gratification. He hasn't even begun to figure out how he's going to handle this, he's still in shock. If he decides on revenge, there's time enough tomorrow. Likewise, I have no problem with 'the hug' because it is so obvious that they both are in considerable pain. Why is it so hard to believe that in a time of great anguish and confusion they would go to a place that has always represented shelter from the storm - the arm's of their spouse? Did the ending come too soon? Perhaps not for the author, but apparently YES! for many of the readers. Selena darlin', you may have struck gold here. Can you stand to not prospect for another nugget or two? I believe your story is as complete as you intended it to be, but like many other readers, I yearn to know more. Did she intend to get caught? Did he overwork out of guilt? Do they turn toward each other or away? C'mon Selena, can we have some more, please?
How about this compromise?
Any time a well established Lit. author scoring more than 10 "25"-or-below scores, they are forever banned from Lit?
I'm not talking about silly writers who strung 200 sentences of "I love to see my wife fucked by some big Black man" nonsense together,,,, I'm here talking about the more "serious authors" like Selena, et al.
Why's that? Here's why: Those writers who never put much effort into their writing, we don't really care to spend much time on their trash either; so we don't get pissed!
But well established, well known, authors like Selena,,,, If they dare waste our time, we should ban them!
Okay, maybe not forever,,, but how about ONE MONTH? That way, the next story they write, they had better think about US first before they post them! In the mainstream, paid literary world, if you write shit, NO ONE is gonn pay so you would never get publishers to bother with your trash anyway, so the readers are safe; we have no fear of wasting time reading unpublishable nonsense,,,
But here, since it is more or less "free," we don't want authors to waste our precious time. After all, they get more out of us than we out of them, believe it or not! Because they get more out of us, they should not be wasting our time, enticing us to read nonsense, when our time is precious and limited. We need to spend out free time reading only good stories.
And if you're a good writer and write idiotic stories, you, therefore, need to be punished!
Kittens do purr, but they also scratch...
And I'm still bleeding from the gashes your tale has left all over my heart....
Commentary Projection
Powerful and raw. Strikingly realistic, much more so than many of the commenters seem to be seeking.
Real people confronted with the loss of everything they cherish don't react with elaborately plotted revenge scenarios. The wronged parties don't stand up on the high ground.
The first, most immediate reaction is shock. Numbness. Bewilderment. Not transformation into a master private eye or superspy.
"Loving Wives" is a tough category. So much anger. So much pain. So much seeking for catharsis--a hypertrophied revenge tale playing out the reader's fantasies. Many of these comments tell me much more about the commenter than the story or the author.
This story did what any great writing does: it created a powerful emotional response in the readers.
Yes, it's does seem like real life
And like real life, what DO you do? I don't really understand why women need to be wooed ALL their life. A man needs to have some certain home base, a rock. And for most of us, that's the wife. So what happens when she is not the rock and what do you do when you find out and how do you repair the damage should that be your preference.
Actually, I thought it was too bad he didn't bounce the guy off the walls. He would feel MUCH better. We know he isn't gonna bounce the wife around but what does he do?
Interesing!
Look, The way I see it (like anyone cares) is everyone deals with their lumps in life differently. The story, the writing Excellent! Many vote on what they would have done in a giving situation. Votes should be given on the quality of the story and writing, not vote an author down because it didn't end the way you wanted too. If the author got your emotions flowing in any direction, than they did their job.
Anyway, Selena K. Great job, no wonder your considered one of the best
My hat's off to you
With the highest of regards.
DG Hear
Young folks might not get it
as easily as those with a few gray hairs (or none at all), but after all these years things aren't as black and white as they were years ago. You tell the story well.
Thanks.
I don't know how I missed this.
Wow, the raw emotion in this piece is incredible. This story drew me into the characters and in very few words managed to convey a whole ton of information about the characters. As literature and fiction this piece is top rate.
In terms of the story, I thought it was real and powerful. I might not have responded the same way, but the reactions of every party were realistic and believable. Yes it was depressing and I could feel the pain of both the husband and the wife, but that was why it was so moving. This was the type of story that makes you think about how you would act in that situation.
Selena, I only hope that someday I can write a piece that matches this.
incredible story
I am 21 and I have alot of feelings when it comes to relationships. I was a bit suprised by this story but I liked it very much. It was very honest and real and I amvery impressed. Keep up the good work.
-Crystal
Make up your mind, Author
Either his Wife hated the familiar, or she didn't. If she did, she had no reason to cheat (not that theirs ever a real reason). If she didn't, the why the hug? I'm not saying the hug couldn't happen, just the probability of it is extremely low. I mean, it's POSSIBLE a meteor could hit the Earth and start a new Ice Age but you didn't write a tale about that.
hated it
I hated this story!
Damn you!
You have so much talent. Your writing tears at my heart, your characters are so real. What do I say Selena? Your writing was magnificent. You've left me aching for your characters.
so...
as a reader I missed the point...
a lot of narrative, a bit of dialogue and so what? where's the story? lazy work, beneath any author with pretty words strung together.
Selena: You're way too good for most LW readers
A snapshot of a marriage that has endured more than its share of pain: a miscarriage, a child injured and mentally or emotionaly disabled - perhaps with one parent silently or unconsciously blaming the other for negligence.
A marriage grown stale with the sameness of life, the struggle to just survive through the pain, the financial hardships.
Clues abound about the marriage (as seen through the eyes of the husband), but only little clues - indicators of where troubles lie.
And yet the connection between the partners remains, I think; tenuous and ethereal perhaps.
Perhaps the wife committed adultery to escape her mundane and painful life for a moment - a natural outgrowth from her cooking classes, her computer instructions.
Whatever. This was a slice of a marriage's life; a finite beginning and ending point outside of which we can only make suppositions about the past and the future.
Selena, feeding stories like this to much of the Loving Wives' readership is kind of like teaching a pig to whistle. It doesn't accomplish anything and it annoys the pig. (kind of an RAH paraphrase going on there, I guess.)
Many of the LW nazis could never understand the point of a story like this. Their kneejerk reactions would never allow a modicum of thought to interfere with their interpretation of a story, and this story is all about making the reader think.
Come on, Selena. Trying to make an LW nazi think is an exercise in futility.
Still, I suppose there are people who look to see what is written rather than to determine if the outcome is within some very narrowly defined range of results.
Your story made me sad. It cut a marriage open and forced us to watch it bleed.
Anger - Without Relief - To What Purpose?
As da bullet said - to make us think? Marvelous conjuring there guy.
I think this sucked - it implied that he would tolerate her and her lovers cock cuckolding him in their marital bed due to their years and troubles through them that she alone felt? And he didn't???
And how did those years and troubles give her the right to cuckold him in their yet.
I think bullet that you and the writer are way off base on this as it relates to life and it's realities. The man was hot but hold her and cry together. Now there is the reality of consequence for him but her? He is nothing but a keyboard figure of a contrived poor over weight balding bastard who she has feeling that he should just go home to mommy so she can make it better.
bullet - this is a good writer but this isn't even close to her quality of work. Normally she writes well to life and the realities of consequence for the plus's and minuses it deals.. She doesn't write about pathetic pitiful men who aren't real.
I am surprised at both of you for allowing this to be written this way and for it to be thought as a worthwhile provoker of thinking it was worthwhile! Instead it closed down any rational thought or reasonable extension of forgiveness.
bullet - can you tell that your nazi comment pissed me off? All that while you sit on philosophers hill in PA. puffing smoke circles with your pipe in a snowstorm.
Sorry Authoress. Generally I admire and am entertained by your work. Nuff said.
A Very Sad Story
Its a sad story of a stupid woman and a husband he comes home to find her fucking some stranger he should have divorced her right then then kick the crap out tof the stranger instead of just letting him leave .
Atlanta,Ga
It seems incomplete
I guess he should have spent a lot more time holding her.. She wanted something different, a change and she sure found it.. What does he find now??
It happens in real life
it's true. how many forgive? some don't, others fall in the trap again. the endless void of pain, of the couple's both parts. i felt this incomplete, but then again, life is incomplete as this one. real bitter truth. very good story.
what the fuck was that crap
hubby comes home someone fucking wife in their bed.and he do what,who wrote this a kid.
excellent story telling
This story does not have an original plot: as with so many stories, the husband comes home early and finds the wife with a strange man in their bed. However, the manner in which the author presents the story is decidedly different. He asks questions (shown in italizes). Then he proceeds to answer these questions through discussion between husband and wife. The author shows considerable insight into the husband and wife's thoughts given their having been together of a long time. I do agree with others that have commented that the story needs to be continued because there are questions remaining that concern understanding as a couple grows old and issue of aging and how this affects a couple physically and mentally. All in all I regard this as a great start to a "Loving Wives" story. RAG
I liked your story.
Your characters are very real, I could feel the pain of the husband and wife.
Again, beautiful but woefully incredible
It’s influenced by a poem and its coming very close to be a poem, with the emphasis on image and atmosphere rather than on narrative and plot development as you’d expect in prose. This is fine by me. But, I feel that you could have done best for you work and for the readers if you just let your female voice –your very strong dominant and clear female voice to be reflected through the woman’s character in the story. Instead, you chose to go out of your comfort zone (courageous, but such step should have come only after real character study - which had not happened here). Unfortunately, no amount of refined style could camouflage lack of familiarity with man’s perspective. I’ll have to say that this is not the first time when I read from a female author the fantasy of warm intimacy at the moment of discovering the women’s cheating. I can understand variety of motivations instinctual and otherwise for this fantasy, but again –depicting it as a man’s reaction to his wife’s cheating at the time of discovery is to put it mildly - incredible to the extreme. I have never encountered heard nor read of a man reacting in such manner (please, save the always correct infinitesimal statistical argument that there is some probability that there are such men).
But hold the gender perspective – had you found you partner in life in bed with another, would you then move to an intimate tete –a- tete with your cheating partner at this time? Somehow I can’t see that.
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