You infer that this tale is intended to be a short story (well almost). If the ending is in fact 'the end' then I'm afraid I was disappointed. This ending seems to infer that there will be other chapters, negating the concept of 'a short story'. A traditional story has, of course, a beginning, a middle and an ending and unless you intended to be more abstract than that then I think you failed. As to the query about writing from a man's point of view, did I detect a slight stiltedness of description at times? I will not comment further as your Lit. biography contains no detail (deliberately?) so no educated guesses are available. Overall, I enjoyed the writing.
by
Anonymous12/08/06
Almost..
I read it with your question in the back of mind: did it represent a male viewpoint?
It was a good story, but what bothered me were the contradictions present in .. the character: he's been in a frat and is bumming his way through life, but the voice is erudite ("came to the realization" instead of "realized") and notices things that a frat guy wouldn't -- bare feet on stone, thinks about his dreams, etc...
I guess, I would get rid of the whole mention of "frat guy", and just.. make him _him_. I have the feeling you probably threw that stuff in because you were unsure if he was masculine enough.
Most guys (myself included) aren't as.. analytical of everything. If he has a wierd dream, he'll get up, wash his face, do pushups on the floor to make himself tired and go back to sleep -- not lay in bed reconstructing the dream. We realize what's happening, we just don't think about it as much, well, the "typical" male, at least.
And besides, it gives the reader more room to imagine how the character is reacting (or it could.. ).
Definitely a good start.
by
Anonymous12/08/06
Good humour
I liked it...but then, maybe I didn't take it (or myself) as seriously as the previous critics.
by
12/09/06
This will be mentioned in the AH review thread
This is a humorous, enjoyable little story that doesn't take itself too seriously. For the length of the piece, the character is well-developed, and for the age of the character, I think he is well-portrayed.
The sex is minimal, so if you are reading one-handed, look elsewhere. Otherwise, it will make you smile!
by
Anonymous12/09/06
Fun Story
Enjoyed reading story.That is enough for me.Thanks
English
A LITTLE CONFUSED
You infer that this tale is intended to be a short story (well almost). If the ending is in fact 'the end' then I'm afraid I was disappointed. This ending seems to infer that there will be other chapters, negating the concept of 'a short story'. A traditional story has, of course, a beginning, a middle and an ending and unless you intended to be more abstract than that then I think you failed. As to the query about writing from a man's point of view, did I detect a slight stiltedness of description at times? I will not comment further as your Lit. biography contains no detail (deliberately?) so no educated guesses are available. Overall, I enjoyed the writing.
Almost..
I read it with your question in the back of mind: did it represent a male viewpoint?
It was a good story, but what bothered me were the contradictions present in .. the character: he's been in a frat and is bumming his way through life, but the voice is erudite ("came to the realization" instead of "realized") and notices things that a frat guy wouldn't -- bare feet on stone, thinks about his dreams, etc...
I guess, I would get rid of the whole mention of "frat guy", and just.. make him _him_. I have the feeling you probably threw that stuff in because you were unsure if he was masculine enough.
Most guys (myself included) aren't as.. analytical of everything. If he has a wierd dream, he'll get up, wash his face, do pushups on the floor to make himself tired and go back to sleep -- not lay in bed reconstructing the dream. We realize what's happening, we just don't think about it as much, well, the "typical" male, at least.
And besides, it gives the reader more room to imagine how the character is reacting (or it could.. ).
Definitely a good start.
Good humour
I liked it...but then, maybe I didn't take it (or myself) as seriously as the previous critics.
This will be mentioned in the AH review thread
This is a humorous, enjoyable little story that doesn't take itself too seriously. For the length of the piece, the character is well-developed, and for the age of the character, I think he is well-portrayed.
The sex is minimal, so if you are reading one-handed, look elsewhere. Otherwise, it will make you smile!
Fun Story
Enjoyed reading story.That is enough for me.Thanks
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