A Christmas Treat

what a waste of bandwidth

This has to be one of the poorest pieces of writing I have ever seen. It's not that the story is bad; it's that the writing is pathetic. (For starters, drop "first person present" as a style.)

-- KVK

Someone or other

I liked the story. Its rather sweet and romantic. Mind you I wonder if Vitesse really is James or whether they are Helen. The story sounds like its written by a woman. I'd be interested to here the story from Helen's point of view as well.

at most a 3

I wonder after reading this story just how many women were with him, I counted at least 8 and they were all named Helen. After the first mention of her name , she is "She" and nothing else. Good job you didn't mention your name then it would have sounded daft to read "I took hold of Dicks prick", good that you left it a "I"

Appreciate the effort

1st I notice your detractors all posted as anonymous, i guess that way they dont have to fear you might find a story somewhere they have written. I found the story a decent read. I would have liked to have known why her beloved backdoor was worthy as a Christmas present though? Is it normally something she would do? Perhaps i missed that bit of info... Your minor errors were just that minor, learn from the negative nancies and try to get a PhD in English in your off time i suppose. Thanks for taking the time to write.

Pronouns can be awesome!

Couldn't read it because no pronouns, I guess except I, were used as far as I read anyway. Weird.

I agree about writing in the first person......

It emerges as a little awkward here. But the ideas are sound, and the sex is hot. If you noticed the lack of pronouns, you are not concentrating on the intense story as presented here.

too much helen

The story wasn't bad, but instead of saying "Helen" this & "Helen" that, try using "she" instead.

..........

sorry but I found it pretty much unreadable. Trying reading your work before you submit it or have someone proof read it.

Helen

Didn't think story was good.It never turned me on even a little bit.

Sick

and stinky

Never could figure out why a guy would want the stink and disease that this practice offers.

To each his own.

Helen, Helen, Helen

I had to stop reading after the 15th "Helen", which I guess was the 2nd paragraph.

Learn to use pronouns

I couldn't even get to the good parts, if there were any, because every other word was Helen.

A pronoun would be nice

I actually didn't finish it because I started to hate the name "Helen".If you try at another story use a little more pronouns this time we all would appreciate it.The only thing I like was using the wine

Marrage can be hot!

It is good to see and read a story about a married couple that is in love and is kinky. I have grown os so many stories about everyone who is unmarried getting all the goodies and we married folks who love our spouces not gettig any story time. Thank you.


Besides being hot and give me an idea for a get away with my wife it also shows that just because you tie the knot doesn't mean you lose your libido.


crosswired7

First person a wonderful change from vague pronoun

It was wonderful to read an offering where the writer actually had a person rather than the great impersonal, 'she, or 'her'. To be critacal, there were some places wher a proof reading would have been helpful. But it would not be necessary. It was wonderful, I felt they were actual people.

Totally Aroused!

Other than the fact that there were way to many 'Helens' in the story, it was well written! I was totally aroused. I have finally began to enjoy the anal aspect of sex, and it only adds to my desire. Keep up the good work!

Helen

I couldn't read it.. The name "Helen" was way overused.

you use the word hellen too much

Mr 69

It was avery good story but you used the name HELEN 137 times where you should have edited it better and used other words