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English
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Way too many adjectives detract from what could be a most impressively powerful erotic piece. This is rather subjective laden; the guidance so often seen in comments & critques applies here, "show, done't tell."
As an example, the first strophe:
"delicate curves
muted morning light
soft, smooth, warm
beautiful"
As used here, you've got 2 nouns and 7 adjectives {morning becomes an adjective when used to describe the light}. With careful editing you could knock any reader out of his seat!
I like your idea...
but your poem is very difficult to read. It feels very broken. My favorite part is
sweetest scent
touches my core
makes me sigh
sometimes it is okay to use the word "and".
Lovely.
Smell is a wonderful element igniting inviting total recall. Bringing in the senses, particularily the verse below increases the pleasure.
sweetest scent
touches my core
makes me sigh
well done...
Very hot. I love the many feelings evoked by this, and the last lines were very powerful.
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