either give stories to a USA editor or put it in the non-english
by
Anonymous12/28/06
What a nasty comment "no" is...
... [offered by "anonymous", naturally, as all cowards write]. Not only is this suggestion to find a USA editor offensive, insensitive, and unkind, it is also stupid - as much for the insensitivity and cruelty as for its core concept. In the first place, the writer is writing in American already, using words and phrases which no English person would use ['mom', 'guy', 'zipper', 'pussy'] and also making typical American errors ['you better' for 'you'd better', 'lays' for 'lies']; nevertheless, his errors are FAR FEWER than those made by most American writers on this site. It is clear to anyone with more than three brain cells that he is writing in a foreign language, and that in itself adds a particular flavour to the story which would be lost if it was written in immaculate English - a feat unachieved by any American writer that I've read since Henry James, who died in 1916. To abandon the fruits of your creativity to someone living in a culture which has mangled and debauched the language of Shakespeare to 'crassify' [my invented word] it into a whining, nasal stream of semantically illogical drivel would be an act of supreme folly.
Finally, this anonymous coward is capable of saying he doesn't like it, but totally lacking in rational criticism, even to the point of not really saying anything, and certainly not offering any constructive suggestions for improvement. He might start by improving his own accuracy, giving his nation the benefit of capital letters. I'd like to see what kind of a fist this arsehole would make of writing the same story in Bengali.
To you, bangopee, keep going. I liked your story very much, and you can only get better if you keep trying.
Keith in Brazil
by
Anonymous12/29/06
Not Bad, Could be Better
Your story is off to a good start, but it could be better with some review and editting. I would say it is fairly obvious that the writer is of Indian decent, just from the choice of names, but there is nothing wrong with that other than some unusual choice of words and language. I do have to say that the comment that an 18 year old would not be thinking of sex is very naive and unlikely. Most young to mid-teens are certainly thinking about sex if they aren't already experienced, so this was an unlikely thought.
To the "gentleman" who attacked the first commentator, you are obviously someone looking for people to attack and YOUR comments are useless, uneducated, and unneeded in this forum. Stick to story comments, not attacks against others.
by
Anonymous10/31/07
slow down
started of good but then became too easy for the mother to change so suddenly. Build up the story before getting to the fucking. can improve
by
Anonymous12/31/07
Tall tale
Not at all believable.
by
Anonymous03/01/09
okay
uhmm....don't know the story just doesn't feel right...mothers can't have such drastic change in character.
Writer u wrote a awesome story plz CONTINUE STORY but please let son fuck mom and sis ass and put some conversation among them as you know we indian love talking. And Please invnlve father in this
by
Anonymous09/21/15
"Deepak, at 18 years was too young to think about sex" ROFL
really?? Guys at 18 are too young to think about sex?? what is your next big revelation?? Sun shines at night ??
English
no
either give stories to a USA editor or put it in the non-english
What a nasty comment "no" is...
... [offered by "anonymous", naturally, as all cowards write]. Not only is this suggestion to find a USA editor offensive, insensitive, and unkind, it is also stupid - as much for the insensitivity and cruelty as for its core concept. In the first place, the writer is writing in American already, using words and phrases which no English person would use ['mom', 'guy', 'zipper', 'pussy'] and also making typical American errors ['you better' for 'you'd better', 'lays' for 'lies']; nevertheless, his errors are FAR FEWER than those made by most American writers on this site. It is clear to anyone with more than three brain cells that he is writing in a foreign language, and that in itself adds a particular flavour to the story which would be lost if it was written in immaculate English - a feat unachieved by any American writer that I've read since Henry James, who died in 1916. To abandon the fruits of your creativity to someone living in a culture which has mangled and debauched the language of Shakespeare to 'crassify' [my invented word] it into a whining, nasal stream of semantically illogical drivel would be an act of supreme folly.
Finally, this anonymous coward is capable of saying he doesn't like it, but totally lacking in rational criticism, even to the point of not really saying anything, and certainly not offering any constructive suggestions for improvement. He might start by improving his own accuracy, giving his nation the benefit of capital letters. I'd like to see what kind of a fist this arsehole would make of writing the same story in Bengali.
To you, bangopee, keep going. I liked your story very much, and you can only get better if you keep trying.
Keith in Brazil
Not Bad, Could be Better
Your story is off to a good start, but it could be better with some review and editting. I would say it is fairly obvious that the writer is of Indian decent, just from the choice of names, but there is nothing wrong with that other than some unusual choice of words and language. I do have to say that the comment that an 18 year old would not be thinking of sex is very naive and unlikely. Most young to mid-teens are certainly thinking about sex if they aren't already experienced, so this was an unlikely thought.
To the "gentleman" who attacked the first commentator, you are obviously someone looking for people to attack and YOUR comments are useless, uneducated, and unneeded in this forum. Stick to story comments, not attacks against others.
slow down
started of good but then became too easy for the mother to change so suddenly. Build up the story before getting to the fucking. can improve
Tall tale
Not at all believable.
okay
uhmm....don't know the story just doesn't feel right...mothers can't have such drastic change in character.
Sucks
i need hell lot of bread... butter ... for build up... but it ended so quickly....
I wil kill you if u dnt continue ths story
Writer u wrote a awesome story plz CONTINUE STORY but please let son fuck mom and sis ass and put some conversation among them as you know we indian love talking. And Please invnlve father in this
"Deepak, at 18 years was too young to think about sex" ROFL
really?? Guys at 18 are too young to think about sex?? what is your next big revelation?? Sun shines at night ??
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Breast, Butter and Jam or
More submissions by bangopee.