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English
deadbeat
patetic
potential....
The potential for a good story was there. The execution left a lot to be desired. Better description and allowing the plot to grow a bit would've made the story more complete.
sucks
sucks!
Needs work
Was disappointed that once he finally got her worn down that he didn't at least take his time taking off the panties. Then once the panties were off, you should spend some time describing all the details. The last paragraph should have been another page.
It must have been a dream...
I think you should get credit for being first,so, congrats. I've read quite a few stories here, but this the first time I've come accross a PG-17 rated story on Literotica. It was an interesting story. It sort of reminded me of a dream I once had.
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