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Great beginning
Very good descriptive writing about that moment of glory, where you want more, more, and then it ends. Keep on writing and....experimenting, gal!
great writing
excellent first story. keep it up!
Super erotic! Well done!
Wonderful story! Well written and super erotic!
Great job!
Super erotic! Well done!
Wonderful story! Well written and super erotic!
Great job!
You nailed it, girl
I think your comment was right on the mark: "I had learned by then that how pleasure is described is not how it actually feels."
We all struggle to create with words an image or feeling in another's mind. It may seem that we fall woefully short, but I think we do better than we give ourselves credit for. We succeed because we all have similar experiences and your words trigger those emotions in our minds. I shared in your orgasm because I have a wealth of pleasurable memories that you evoked. Thank you.
Keep struggling, please. I think you are good at it.
Susan
PS I think Walking Eagle is a hoot. He is so supportive and nice. He is good for a writer's ego, and I always appreciate his comments. He has become a friend. And he often double strokes the Send key like that. So anxious to please....
Hot!
*Whew* After reading this super-erotic story - I think a cold shower might be in order. Who knew a female with the name sereneflutist could write so gosh darned sexy. Beautiful descriptive Write!
beautiful
That was absolutely lovely! I truly hope you write a lot more. I only wish it had been longer.
Awsome
That was hot. Keep it up.
What ruined the sheets?
I liked your story, it was arousing and held my interest; however, the end left me puzzled rather than satisfied. What was on the sheets? When a woman ejaculates, the liquid is clear and can be quite a bit of volume. This liquid can certainly be cleaned by throwing the sheets in the washing machine.
Now, if by looking under the covers (at what, the blankets? the sheets?) and seeing something different, perhaps blood, you're talking about something completely different. The only time there is blood after a sexual act is when a woman has an intact hymen which is then torn, and therefore bleeds. An orgasm by masturbation without penetration certainly will not rupture a hymen...conversely, just because a woman orgasms-even for the first time-she will not bleed unless it's the first time she's had something big enough inserted into her vagina. And even then she has to have an intact hymen, which nowadays can be ruptured by an active girl's athletic experiences (riding bikes, or horseback riding, or even putting in a tampon). Your story indicated that she had experience with a cock prior to this episode, so blood on the sheets makes no sense whatsoever. And blood can be washed out with cold water and rubbing dishwashing detergent into the stain!
So, the fact that there was some liquid on the sheets or covers proves nothing. She could have even peed rather than squirted, so that would not be proof of an orgasm either.
As you write more, be aware of such facts being correct and consistent before you submit them. It will make for a more cohesive story and a better experience for your readers.
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