There are getting to be a number of people who seem to get their thrills from trying to undermine new writers' confidence. Ignore them. That was a tender, sweet story. If they don't like it, that's their loss. If they can't be bothered to put their name to their comments, just ignore them.
this is what sex is all about...i came really hard reading this...
by
Anonymous06/25/10
Advice on repeating
I liked the sweet characters that seemed to really love the other. One part in the story near the end however you kept using the words "vaginal lips" everytime you named the spot. The repetition took me out of the story a bit during a very sexy and intense moment. My advice would be to reword it with synonyms. Try looking in the Writer's resource section, there is an article on terms you can use to substitute to keep things interesting. Keep up the work though! Chloe and Nathan could've been me and my first boyfriend they were so real.
English
Excellent!!!
There better be a part 2, 3, 4, etc... and soon!
Okay effort
This is a nice story, but the writing is really klutzy. It's very stilted, as if an attempt to be great" literature.
I'd get with an editor and clean this baby up a little.
good first story
very nice story....looking forward to the next installment
Ignore the anonymous cretins
There are getting to be a number of people who seem to get their thrills from trying to undermine new writers' confidence. Ignore them. That was a tender, sweet story. If they don't like it, that's their loss. If they can't be bothered to put their name to their comments, just ignore them.
Orgasmic~licious!!
Gave me a good orgasm. ;)
Sensations is what caused me to cream my panties
Hot, sweet and tender story....good job.
so sweet...real sex!
this is what sex is all about...i came really hard reading this...
Advice on repeating
I liked the sweet characters that seemed to really love the other. One part in the story near the end however you kept using the words "vaginal lips" everytime you named the spot. The repetition took me out of the story a bit during a very sexy and intense moment. My advice would be to reword it with synonyms. Try looking in the Writer's resource section, there is an article on terms you can use to substitute to keep things interesting. Keep up the work though! Chloe and Nathan could've been me and my first boyfriend they were so real.
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