I enjoyed the story. It could use some description and some grammer work, but the plot and base of story hot and good. Thank you for sharing
Bad...everything needs work. Grammar is terrible, hard to follow, overall bad
you were trying to say.this story needs polished.try working on making your story smoother,have better flow. good efforts.i also write,but doubt i will ever find the courage to submit one of my attempts.thanks,just keep trying.
How disgusting!! It's so nasty and perverted! Someone needs to rethink how they're living! Ewww how disgusting to be controlled!! BE STRONG WOMEN!!!
after a little revising i think this story would be really really good. and dont be a retard if you dont like stories about submissive women then dont fucking read them.
Ignore the comment titled "Nasty", they are sick, if they read stories they are not going to like. - perhaps someone should see that person gets treatment.
Now to your story, it lacks characterization, the grammar needs correction and the story is predictable. However the story does show promise and i look forward to rerading more about these two people.
I thought this was excellent. The pace was good, the language pithy, I wasnt bored once, which I often find I am, and you kept up the sexual tension very well. I wanted to give this a 5 stars award, but for some reason there were 3 yellow stars already so I couldnt vote. Great story, very good writing, well done!
We had never tried Domination (domination)
he made me lay down (lie)
he told me Strip (strip)
His unrelentless hands (unrelenting)
Run-on sentences, excessive inappropriate use of commas, instead of periods, stringing multiple sentences together without using any punctuation at all.
I really hate being tickled. I think that might even be a hard limit for me.
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